Hello all, Me (M19) and my girlfriend (F19) have been dating for about 6 months now and we haven’t had sex yet, which honestly is ok with me since I’m still a virgin and a little inexperienced with intimacy. She’s had a boyfriend before so I’m guessing that she’s not a virgin (which I’m fine with) but we were texting last week and the topic of sex came up. I asked her if there was anything she is “into” and she said she gets really turned on by degradation and dirty talk. I was a little shocked cause she’s a very innocent and sweet person I wasn’t really expecting her to say something like that lol but I just responded and said “good to know;)” but to be honest it kinda makes me uncomfortable thinking about doing that to her.
I know we all have different things that turn us on but idk the thought of calling her names and being rough makes me feel gross and I don’t really wanna do that but I also want her to be satisfied sexually in our relationship 😅. Is there anything you guys might be able to help me with? Like any examples on what to do or how to do it? I wanna be a good boyfriend but I don’t like being mean to her since I really like her and she’s my first girlfriend ever. Any advice or questions are welcome.
Tldr: My girlfriend likes being degraded during sex but it makes me uncomfortable
8 comments
Because you are new take it at your own pace. Degrading can be something like having some kind of hand ties on the bed and spank her ass.
Kinds similar situation happened to me, basically we just experimented alot during sex, each time I was like right we are gonna try this thing tonight, discuss it beforehand and instruct him, I’d ask him to do something and if he felt comfortable trying it he would, then after sex we talk again and he tells me if he didn’t feel right about it. The more he saw how much pleasure i get from him hurting me he has got into it more and now enjoys certain acts but I respect the things that didn’t feel right won’t happen again.
Take it step by step. You’re young. You’re inexperienced. You don’t have to dive straight into the degradation, it’s fine if you want to keep it vanilla while you’re still getting used to this whole sex thing.
That being said: In my experience, people (like me!) who are into dirty talk have very specific words and phrases that get them going. If/when you’re ready to dip your toes into that kind of play, sit down with your gf, ask her about what she likes to hear, and see if there’s anything you’re both comfortable with. Discuss your soft and hard limits, too, so you’re both on the same page and don’t accidentally stumble into any forbidden territory.
And if you find out it’s not for you at all … that’s totally fine, and you should be honest about that. Domination (even if it’s “just” verbal) can be every bit as emotionally and physically taxing as submission. It’s something all parties need to be enthusiastically on board with, or it’s at best cringy and at worst traumatic.
Don’t fret too much about the whole thing. No two people will ever be 100% sexually compatible. Building a foundation of trust and open communication where you both feel free to discuss your desires and boundaries to find common ground is a lot more important than fulfilling your partner’s every fantasy.
Yes! Like the other person stated people usually have very specific words 0or phrases or ideas of what they are into. Most men shy away from this sort of thing but it can be very arousing from time to time but think it shouldn’t be an all the time thing imo.
If you don’t want to do it, you don’t have to!
But some people do indeed enjoy this. I think you’d have to get rid of the idea that’s stuck in your head that it’s “bad”. Just ask her what her limits are, and start slow. 🙂
Talk to your partner. Also, just because someone likes something doesn’t mean they want only that or that they want that all the time.
I like giving up control sexually in bed. I like being told what to do; suck his cock, bend over for a spanking, etc., but I am decades into my sexuality. Terms like ‘good girl’ are buttons for me, that I love! Him telling me to remove my clothes and stand there for him to look and touch. But I caution against starting out on your first sexual experience this way, I’d begin by being in control and discussing what you’re planning, tonight I’d like us to explore oral sex, tonight let’s try penetration. Be in control yet grow into being degrading and taking full control. Relax and enjoy
So, think of as degradation as role play. It’s like you are playing cops and robbers.
Also, dirty talk is pretty simple. Tell her what you want to do with her and describe it as you do it. Moan a little, ask her if she likes it. No shame in describing sex; you are already doing it, so describing it can’t be more embarrassing.