Hi everyone. I’m (26f) working on being less anxious about my relationship with my bf (27m). Since the day we got together, I have not been able to relax my worries. For some reason this fear has stuck to me so horribly. I try to think nicer things when I start feeling anxious, but the feeling never truly leaves. Is there any advice you all can give me, that will make me see/understand how constantly worrying about being cheated on is not okay?
TL;DR constantly worried of getting cheated on. Any advice on how to stop that thinking appreciated.
10 comments
Have you been cheated on in the past? Have you cheated on someone? Do you have any reason to believe he’s cheating?
These questions are important to the overall answer.
Have you considered medication?
If you haven’t already, it can be a great help. Especially with the pervasive anxiety you seem to suffer. My wife takes a generic form of Lexapro to counter her constant, unyielding anxiety. It makes a tremendous difference in her life. I do too, mostly to counter explosive anger episodes.
Your boyfriend’s lies are very likely attempts to avoid triggering your anxiety. I’ve been on both sides of the anxiety issue. A lot of times its just easier to fib your way through the day than constantly trigger your girlfriend or wife.
As for the fear of him cheating, maybe look at it with a different mindset. Focus on being the best girlfriend you can be. Enjoy the relationship as much as you can. And let the chips fall where they may.
Here’s the cold, hard truth: Cheating Happens.
There is nothing you can do about it. It’s like the weather or traffic. It just a part of the human condition. That doesn’t mean everyone, or even most people, cheat on their partners. Just accept that it is a risk like any other in life. This is easier when you are medicated or otherwise have your anxiety under control.
Worrying about it won’t prevent him cheating in any way but it could otherwise negatively affect your relationship. No one likes to not be trusted.
Ultimately if he does cheat look at it like this: you could never have prevented it and you deserve better.
My boyfriend is a great looking guy and was the bouncer of a popular nightclub for years. He would have young, good looking girls hit on him every single night. I didn’t care at all.
First I trusted him and also I know that if he cheats on me its fully his choice and I can never stop him. Same thing with leaving me. The door is always open, so if he stays it’s that he chooses to stay because our relationshipis awesome. Me being possesive, paranoid or loosing stress over it can never prevent these things. All it would do is to weaken our relationship. I rather invest in solidifing our bond for real than worry about “what if”.
For reference, we’ve been together 16 years and loyalty is very important to us both. I’ve been cheated on by an ex b4 my current boyfriend.
Lmao the only way to be 100% certain youre not getting cheated on (short 24/7 survellience) is non-monogamy. Listen to yourself and please consider how the construct of monogamy has corrupted your psyche, I dont think we should let our relationships (especially those we intend to be fulfilling & supportive) make us act and feel with such negativity.
You don’t need to be sure they aren’t cheating on you, you need to trust that you will do the right thing and leave if they do.
Ever since I’ve started thinking like that, my anxiety (and near obsession) over the possibility of my boyfriend cheating has lessened.
You can never have control over what another person does. If you try too hard to make sure they aren’t cheating, you’ll destroy the relationship. I used to be a mess.
You can control yourself, though. Set a boundary in your own mind that you know you will leave if you need to.
As long as you’re doing what you need to do, then assume everything in the relationship is fine. It most likely is.
If you are that worried…then break up. Cant get cheated on if you’re single. Problem solved. Thus sayeth Lord Jaguar 👑🐆
Believe it or not you just answered your own question.
Get off the relatoonship. Youre insecurities and fear becore entering a relationship will ruin another person. If youre not ready then get off
Sounds like you don’t fully trust him. Has he done anything to make you think he would be inclined to cheat? Hobbies could be good to get your mind off this
What is the source of this fear, if it happens what does it mean to you, your life? You need to explore the anxiety internally. What is the base cause of this fear. Afterwards you can figure out how to confront and diffuse the fear and it’s control over your life.