So I am a 28 year old man. I’ve had more than my share of dating women – both ones that I’ve met “organically” as well as through dating apps. I have been told that I am a chilled out guy and that I have “some good game” by those that I have met. (I honestly don’t know what to make of it).
However one thing that I still surprisingly cannot get myself to do or fail at miserably is initiate conversations with girls at social settings like a bar or a pub or a bookstore. The thing is that I usually stumble at the first point of “starting with something interesting”. It isn’t as if I am not well read, or that I actually don’t have a diverse set of interests; I do have both those qualities I think and I don’t find it difficult to keep up a conversation. It’s initiating it that makes me anxious and not so confident. I obviously don’t want to initiate something romantic or sexual with them right off the bat or with that intent. But even when it comes to approaching someone with a purely platonic POV, I seem to draw blanks. Any advice?
Just btw, I’m not precisely a “looker” so please do keep that in mind.
2 comments
Stop putting women on a pedestal. Go out and Genuinely connect with women in real life e.g. ask how they are, their hobbies, interests, goals, opinions, etc. Listen and pay attention to what they say. Share those things about yourself when asked. People also subconsciously attach you to the value you bring. The value you bring is a clear, unique, and convincing reason why people will interact with you, let alone do so constantly. So Find ways to add value to their lives. Having In person interactions is the easiest way to stand out from countless people who text or message. People remember and favor in person interactions because of the positive vibes. If your hobbies, skills, talents align with their interests or can help them, bring it up and offer to help them. Finally, learn how to be genuinely busy in your life pursuing your goals and hobbies, while interacting with people on the side. People are hardwired to be repulsed by neediness and desperation and instead gravitate towards those who are self confident and well rounded in life. They want to see active confirmation of you actually doing something in your life other than just talking to them. So chase excellence, not people.
Women like playful, they like confident, they like someone who can joke around. “Nice” teasing (no pickup artist stuff!).
“Somehow I got drawn to the beautiful end of the bar/bookstore/coffeeshop…” etc.