We’ve been dating for a few months and within that time she has gone out partying every weekend. I try to go with her as much as I can but it’s difficult to save money when you go out that often, so I stay home sometimes. She never texts when she’s out, I’m lucky to get something every few hours and I have expressed that this is sort of weird for me, as with all my past relationships we have texted lightly while we weren’t together on nights like that. I have always enjoyed drunk calls and texts with my partners, not just for the quick and funny conversations but also to know that they are safe and haven’t drank too much.
Last night she went out again and before she left we spoke on the phone, she said that she wasn’t going to be texting me and this phone call was good night. I asked her that she at least sends me a text when she’s home so I know she made it home safely and she said ok. Well, I never got anything so went to sleep, woke up and still nothing. It’s not a good feeling not knowing if she is ok, if she made it home, or how her night went in general. I am upset that she couldn’t take the time to send me something to let me know she was home, but I guess wha upsets me the most is that she clearly doesn’t WANT to talk to me when she’s out like I want to talk to her when I am out. Also she is on her phone 24/7 and is always posting videos on her Instagram story. She had time to post all last night, so it’s not like she’s one of those people that is just in the moment and forgets about their phone, it is always in her hand.
This seems so small and petty but I really am upset by it.. I guess I just need to find a way to validate my feelings. There is a part of me that is thinking I am being too extra and maybe controlling, but at the same time I feel that saying “have fun just text me when you’re home so I know you’re safe” is a basic request based on respect and is a normal request.
3 comments
Every few hours seems very reasonable when you’re out with people, but I’d definitely have a conversation about not being told she’s home safe, just from a safety and peace of mind point of view. I would absolutely hate if my husband expected me to continually text whilst I was out having fun and I also post to social media and use my phone for photos without checking in with him (and vice versa). I think you’re having two separate issues here, one is that you both have different ideas of how much contact you should be in when you’re apart and the other is the home safe text; one is a problem and one is different communication styles.
I think she is being very disrespectful and it doesn’t reflect well on her that she can’t be bothered to honor a simple request to say that she is home safe. Red flags abound here.
You’re right, it is just a basic request to text someone that they are home safe, it’s not even about respect to be honest.
She seems like a complete social butterfly, and yes you have insecurities on yourself, but atleast you are aware of that.
Personally I don’t want to sit and text people about what I’m doing either, I’d rather take photos, videos and enjoy the company I have, but again I’d always text/call when I’m heading home, and when I arrive home, regardless of how drunk I become.
How old are you guys though?