TLDR : My bestfriend broke my heart when he told me I was his last option.
I am (24 M) thinking of ending things with my (25 M) bestfriend of 7 years. Honestly, I don’t want to end it but it has gotten very tiring for me emotionally. The thing is that I don’t actually have anybody other than him. Lately though, I feel that something has changed or maybe I just realized that maybe this friendship is actually one-sided or I am giving more than what I’m receiving.
So, I used to really enjoy hanging out with him. We used to just sit in my truck at night and just talk our hearts out or just sit in silent. He’s the first person I have come out to. We fought like normal friends do, cooked, grilled, camped, played, celebrated his birthday, graduation, and first job, watched shows and judged people together, we even traveled together, but I’ll get to that later. I just like his company, he means the world to me and I love him so much.
It’s all great but it’s the small things add up. like for example, he don’t acknowledge my birthday, or anything good that happens to me, or keep bringing up things that I have told him multiple times that they are sensitive for me just for fun, or intentionally stressing me out to get a reaction from me, or keeps telling me why did you choose to be gay “like I had a choice”. The thing that annoys me the most is that my opinion about anything is not put into consideration unless it comes from someone else. For example, if I want to eat from Nando’s “this actually happened” I have to keep asking for many times, we go in and sit, take a look at the menu and leave. After months I discover that he went back with his other friends because they wanted to. The other major similar thing was our travelling plan. We had a Holiday and wanted to travel by car, he was all in but then cancelled last minute but I went alone anyway. All of the sudden I see him and his younger brother at the same spots we planed to go to and I ended up being their tour guide for the rest of the trip.
Now for the last event, I started to back off and clam up due to a major depressive episode for the last month or so and he knows about it. last weekend he asked me to go out and watch a movie, I was hesitant at first but decided to go. I felt something was off and I was right as soon as I saw him. He started talking and then asked me about my week which was not that good. I told his something about my therapy session and he said very loudly in the middle of a very crowded queue WAIT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT YOUR CLASS DOCTOR OR YOUR THERAPEST, now you have to now that I live in a part of the world were mental health is still stigmatized so to say that I was embarrassed is an understatement and a lot of people kept looking at me which spiked my anxiety. Fortunately, he got bored from waiting in line and we ditched the movies. We walked around and talked for a bit “mostly him” he started to joke around with me which turned into useless banter and insults which hurts but I kept laughing because its the only way to hide it, so I returned the same energy to him. to keep a long story short, he told me that the only reason he asked me to hangout today was because his family threw a dinner and he didn’t want to attend it and I was his last option. This literally broke my heart, I started to choke up and my eyes started watering. I was fighting to just not cry. I just went to my truck and sat there processing what just happened. I still can’t wrap my head around it. What doI do?
1 comment
Damn bro. It’s all good. I would never think of saying shit like that to my bro. The worst that happened with my bro is he suddenly had free time and asked me if I had the time to chill. Kind of made me feel like I was a last minute thing, but I was more than happy to chill. We don’t see each other often cause of work and life. However, when we are together it’s as if we just saw each other yesterday. Conversation just flows smoothly.
Do you feel he is kind of distant and it’s hard to connect and relate? That’s how I felt before I cut ties with my bf at the time.
I was having a really shitty day and needed some validation so I started asking him a question around the lines of, if I could be successful. Before I could finish he raised his hand to stop me from finishing and cut me off. I deflated like a balloon. He then proceeds to tell me about himself and what he’s been doing with his other buddies. He was a narc. After that he was dead to me. Looking back, I realized we just did all the things he wanted and I was mostly catering to his interesting. It was tiring.
Don’t waste your time on people that don’t value you and respect your time. Be kinder to yourself. I’d probably drop him. If he lacks that much self awareness he’s not worth the time imo.