I’m a gassy guy. If I ate something that even mildly upsets my stomach, I turn into a fart machine gun. My mother had IBS and some other colon issues, and I haven’t been tested but I assume I have similar problems.

Now, my farts aren’t generally rancid. But, nobody wants to sit next to another person that is just randomly ripping ass, and often loudly at that. I’ve been dating my current girlfriend for about 9-10 months now. If she ripped ass in front of me, I wouldn’t really judge. I’d probably make a joke about it in passing, maybe. But, how do I fart in front of her?

Serious answers only. ^/s

23 comments

  3. You just do it man. It’s a bodily function. Don’t rip loud ass in public with her cause it may embarass here. But in private, let it go bro. She will either be fine with it, or she ain’t the kne for you.

  6. I noticed that when I ate some sugary foods that it would cause bloating and gas issues. So I try to avoid it for the most part. There are some sugars that are easier to digest than others.

    You could take something like Beano to cut down on gas production.

    You could just excuse yourself to another room and let them rip. You are trying to be respectful and her nose would probably appreciate it.

    If she wants a joke, say “My ass missed you soo much it just blew you a kiss”

  10. I literally throw gang signs and then let it rip. I then proceed to skadadle out the scene before she gets her hands on Me.

  11. I fart as quietly as I can manage, while still getting it out relatively fast. Then I look around, confused and ask her “What the fuck was that?” She’ll either say “I didn’t hear anything.” or “I don’t know.” Works every time.

  13. Just start easing into it and read her responses. If she’s grossed out, maybe rip them in the bathroom or outside (especially if they stink). DH knows that it’s fine with me BUT if he plans on getting frisky later then a shower would be in order because …nah

  14. Farts, digestion gas, are generally a sign of a healthy gut. If your GF is healthy she will be farting also. She may be good at hiding it. My first wife had really stinky farts.

    Just go ahead and do it. if you need to make a comment say “my guts seem to be working normally.”

  17. Sometimes let it rip but often just let it out in incremental stages. When she gets up to go to bathroom I grab a pillow and use it as a silencer.
    I use a CPAP machine for sleep apnea so can end up sounding like a Gatling gun.

  21. I don’t have a girlfriend, unfortunately.

    However, I know from experience that keeping in farts can often be quite painful, as the gasses build up and put pressure on the body. So if the girlfriend can’t tolerate and handle the fact that the boyfriend farts, and farts often, then she probably isn’t someone worth keeping.

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