So I (30m) and my gf (30f) have a great sex life, pretty vanilla for the most part (my choice). Anyways we were texting today and she sent me a meme that made me feel super self conscious. It was about asking the guy to send nudes and he doesn’t. She sends me naughty pictures all the time, I don’t ask ever, she just does that. No problem here I love seeing them. But I’ve NEVER sent any back, hell she’s even sent me a video or two. She’s asked for sexy pictures multiple times and I’ve always said no. I found out she stole the meme off of fb, and she posted a comment that said “screw the picture, send me a video”. That made me feel worse. I asked her if it bothered her that I never do that, she claims no. But I find that hard to believe. In my relationship before I had no issues sending video or whatever, but now it just makes me uncomfortable and I’m not sure why. She knows this as I have said I just don’t do that. I’m terrible at sexting as well, so I don’t do that either.
Ladies, would this situation bother you? Should I just get over it and send something? How do I get over the cringe feeling of thinking about it?
4 comments
If one of your boundaries is to not send nudes, you don’t have to do that. Personally, It feels a bit passive aggressive way to say send them instead of actually talking to you about it.
There’s probably some unspoken tension there since she’s sending pictures to you but you’re not reciprocating. And you shouldn’t have to if that’s a boundary for you. It’s probably best to discuss specifically that you’re not comfortable doing so, and that it’s weighing on you when she jokes about it.
It’s also probably worth trying to do some introspection as to why it bothers you now. Have you mentioned to her that you’ve sent pictures and videos in the past? If so, she’s probably wondering the same thing you are (I.e., why are you uncomfortable with it now).
sounds like you could just be overthinking this – just try to send couple nudes and if you still ain’t feeling it then stop. at least she’ll know you tried.
Maybe you could find something that works for you both, e.g., you only send via Snap so they delete, you send suggestive not blatant ones, send an audio of you talking dirty instead of sexting or being nude etc
Dan Savage says you should be Good, Giving, and Game with your partner with sex. This seems like an easy one to be Game to try something she would like.