I don’t get it…my girlfriend was a bit rude to me last night and I pointed that out. She said she’s on her first day of her periods and it feels really painful. Even if she said “sorry, it was just a moody day because of it” I’d have understood. But she didn’t show remorse and instead justified it. I mean, sure it got you moody but you should have been apologetic at least. On the top of it she even blamed me because I didn’t cheer her up. She even posted a story on her Instagram about how men should understand women on their periods instead pointing their behaviour out.
I’m not sure if I’m at wrong here or she is, and if it’s normal. This is my first relationship. We’re both adults. She’s 21 and I’m 20. I don’t even know, now.
EDIT:- what I wrote in inverted commas is what I wished she said and not what she did say.
EDIT 2:- I read all your comments and I will call her up, talk about it with her, surprise visit her and get her something nice too. Your comments were helpful, thanks.
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I’m a 33 year old woman who got on a plane and started her period in the air, while simultaneously discovering that I had a UTI at the same time, and then realizing I might have strep throat because I only drink soda on flights and it hurt my throat in a weird way
Anyway I wasn’t mean to anyone — not my long term bf that dropped me off, not the Uber driver, not the flight attendants or the super chatty lady next to me. Not the baby crying in front of me and the couple getting mad at me for talking to chatty lady.
Nope. I breathed my way through it all and even managed to make chatty lady feel heard.
Ask yourself if you want someone with that little tolerance.
Some level if understanding towards rude behaviour is needed at those times, but you are your own person who gets to get his own boundaries also on this. It is not an open cheque to treat you how ever bad she want.
She wrote a story on social media about your disagreement instead of resolving it with you.
This is not a healthy reaction, no.
I suggest you talk to her about her actions have made you feel. Be emotionally honest but direct. You have every right to your emotions and to talk about them.
**Set boundaries.** Explain that you want to help her when she’s in pain but that you don’t deserve to be verbally abused.
>and if it’s normal.
Don’t worry about what’s normal; worry about what’s *healthy*. For you and for your partner.
As long as it’s healthy for both people, compromise is a good thing.
Best of luck brother.
Nope, it is not acceptable. She should control herself.
I think the problem here is that she didn’t apologize or thinks it’s wrong. Here IG post also seems like a passive aggressive message to you.
Yes, period or pms affects mood, and something you can get cranky or be in a bad mood, but the issue here is more the other things.
i wouldn’t say it’s “acceptable,” but it is understandable and common to be a bit snappy. what’s not understandable is making that instagram post and not apologizing for it when you pointed it out. that’s not acceptable
She’s not having a healthy reaction to her actions, no. Being in an awful mood because of hormones is definitely valid, BUT it is her responsibility to develop coping mechanisms, even if it means laying in bed for several hours with ibuprofen, a movie, and snacks while having a head full of anger. If parking herself there in the bed with comforting things would help her cool off until she’s in a state of mind where she can control her temper better, that would be great! I think you should absolutely bring this up on a week when she’s off her period. Just as it’s hard to get an apology from someone while they’re still fuming about a problem still unsolved, if the root cause is hormones, she’ll need a chance to be leveled out to be in her best mind to tackle this. It will likely still be a frustrating topic, nobody really likes to be wrong, but it’s important for your relationship health that she work on this aspect of herself. Good luck op
No it’s not she is immature and needs to give you more respect
I can’t believe how many people on here are saying she’s out of order. You don’t know her, some – actually a LOT – of women, including myself, struggle horrifically with their periods. Do some research, look up premenstrual dysmorphic disorder. Then next time she has her period take care get her some painkillers, a heating pad, and chocolate. She’ll be nicer to you.
you didn’t even tell us what she did?
It’s definitely normal for women to be more moody, some more than others because of the hormones and the pain. That being said, it’s not an excuse for shitty behavior. She should be able to communicate if she’s having worse cramps or is more moody. Even if she is rude, being able to acknowledge the behavior and apologize because your partner didn’t do anything to deserve it is key. At her age, she should be able to recognize that.
No. I HATE seeing other women treat people like total garbage once a month and expect everyone to just suck it up because “hormones.” Some women do get kind of emotional during that time but that is no excuse for rudeness/cruelty. You deserve an apology for crappy treatment ANY time of the month and if her symptoms are that bad, she needs to see a doctor.
Posting on Instagram passive aggressively isn’t cool of her. That, to me, is conversation and boundaries setting worthy.
You didn’t tell us how she was rude, so we don’t know where the gauge is. If she’s insulting you, that unacceptable. If she didn’t say “please” when she asked for a glass of water, well that’s not a big deal. We don’t know your tolerance, and we all each have our own tolerance of rudeness. Including what she said that you believe to be rude will help, and whether is “unacceptable” for our relationships.
If she did say something rude (ie, called you names) Try and talk to her again about it, and what she did that you felt rude, after the worst of her periods is over. If she blocks you again and doesn’t want to discuss it, well maybe she’s not fit to be in a relationship because she can’t communicate and how an honest discussion about each other behaviour. She’ll need to work on that, and you can work on laying down boundaries such as “don’t post passive aggressive stories on Instagram when you disagree with me”
Nah, she can’t just decide her period gives her a free pass to be a bitch.
I’m moody and everything under the sun, but I know bad behaviour is bad behaviour.
In pain or not, I’ll always get off my high horse and apologise if I’m out of line.
Next your period shouldn’t be painful to the point you’re lashing out in frustration.
If she hasn’t got it seen to, then she’s just just lazy and looking for excuses to be moody free of charge.
Unless she’s lived under a rock most girls know, periods aren’t supposed to be overly painful.
Get some hot packs (not luke warm, but hot enough, but not like burn you alive hot) and place it on her lower back and her lower front, should help with the pain. Some panadol and some ibuprofen. One for pain one for inflammation.
Chocolate. This all should help tame the wee beastie.
If she’s rude again, tell her you understand someone being in pain and your more than willing to do anything to help her, but taking it out on you is not fair.
Having your period isn’t a get out of jail free card. Everyone understands that hormones play a factor in the menstrual cycle. It doesn’t give you an excuse to treat your loved ones like shit.
I don’t think it’s acceptable at all. It is not something that someone should put up with just because they are attracted to women. I have PMDD and can get exceedingly irritable and moody just before and at the beginning of my cycle. If I feel that way, I try to be sure to tell my husband I’m feeling irrationally irritable, and we just sort of coexist without stepping on each others toes. If I do snap, I apologize and remove myself to go take some time to try to rest and reset a bit so I can be better. I certainly don’t blame my husband for what’s going on in my body, it wouldn’t be fair to him.
And it’s not fair to you for your girlfriend to do that to you. If she doesn’t want to have her shitty behavior pointed out to her, she should put more effort into not acting shitty towards you. You’re allowed to tell someone when they treat you in a way that you aren’t okay with. If she can’t be with someone who isn’t willing to put up with her being moody and snippy every four weeks without comment, you might not be a good match for each other.
Honestly not really in the way she is begin rude.
It happens to me to be very mood/rude some days before and the first day. It is normal, it is the pain plus the hormones but I apologize because I recognize it is rude.
She is passive aggressive and immature.
Ugh. This isn’t advice per say, as you’ve already had plenty about setting boundaries and discussing it and what not, but I don’t think I could keep up a relationship with someone so entitled and toxic.
If this situation doesn’t get any better, I say move on.
I had a friend who was like that, she’d behave badly and when confronted, she’d say things like ‘aww I’m on my period’, ‘aww it’s my birthday’, ‘aww I’m pregnant’ …. never once did she say ‘I’m sorry’.
I decided I didn’t want to be her friend anymore. Your personal circumstances don’t give you a pass on being a terrible person and it doesn’t warrant forgiveness, the only thing warrants forgiveness is an apology, not a ‘justification’.
She shows you what kinds of reactions you can expect from her: lack of accountability, shifting blame, blaming you and sharing your relationship disagreements with other people for self-pitty and validation. This is the kind of behaviour you may expect in any argument or difficult situation.
Can a hormonal change cause someone to be easily annoyed? Yes. Women in relationships deal with it, ask for help and take ownership of their actions if there was a situation in which they said something they later regret.
I know women who have terrible first days on their periods and their reaction would be: hey, I’m in pain and just…meh, could you make me tea and snuggle to a movie? – this solves communicating about the problem, asking for help and getting your partner involved in a more supportive way.
Honestly she’s probably feeling terrible so please try and understand what she’s going through. Yes she could have handled it better by not going to insta however you have come to reddit.
You have said she’s been great for months so this is clearly a first and not a pattern of behavior to be this concerned about. Honestly as someone who has been married 13 years you have to pick your battles and show understanding. Trying to bring up the issue right now when she’s feeling terrible and probably in alot of pain isnt the right time wait a few days. Also please for the love of all things good don’t bring up how other women act during that time of the month if you want to survive to see another day.
As a woman with issues that cause really painful and extended periods: it’s a reason for unusual mood but not shitty behaviour. I’m lucky that my fiance is very tolerant and understanding as well as quite patient with me. But I still thank him every time, period or not, that I’m being a bitch and he puts up with it.
Running to social media to shame a male for being upset at being disrespected while riding the high horse of a period is immature. She’s an adult, she knows how her period feels, and she knows how it effects her mood. It sucks, it hurts, and we get out of whack for a while. But to pretend there are no adverse effects at the hormonal level is not helpful.
That being said, whenever you argue with someone on their period, it is likely not just the hormones. It’s everything else going on AND the hormones. They will factor in but not nearly as much as people seem to think. They just make your body do all the other shit that hurts.
While you’re both adults, she probably hasn’t even gotten into a decade of having periods. We have them for about 4 decades of our life. To describe some moderate period pains for you and put it on your perspective, imagine your balls being constantly squeezed to a pain scale of about a 5-6/10, on repeat for several days in a row. A period can deliver consistent pain, hormone imbalance, headaches, aching breasts, extreme tiredness.. just to name a few.
I’m curious as to what you said that gave you a lightly rude comment in return. You really need to learn about moods. Everybody has them. If you’re going to be upset over someone having a mood and not wanting to be 100% perfect at every moment you’re with them, you’re probably not ready for a relationship.
I am a woman who has had plenty of periods in my life and been pregnant twice. Neither of those makes it ok to be rude or mistreat the people around you. You might not feel your best, but not being able to control yourself due to hormones is absolute rubbish. I hate women who use that as an excuse to act badly.
Ok to be greedy, definitely not ok not to apologize and to justify your behavior and shift the blame
She should realize that you’re not obliged to put up with it just because you’re her bf
Woman here, having 13 years experience of awful periods. I am very cranky on the first 2/3 days of my period. (I was worse when pregnant but that’s a whole other thing.) I know this about myself, as does my husband. Example: Last time I was on my period, my husband was putting our daughter in the car. I was holding my son who was upset and crying. He was holding her standing by the car. I yelled “Can you just put her in the damn car already?!” in a crazy rude and mean tone. He looked at me and put my daughter in the car. Once we both got in he said “Look, I get it but that was pretty harsh.” And he was right. I apologized and told him he was right and thank you for not being rude back. I didn’t mean to be rude, I felt rushed, I am in pain but I shouldn’t have done it. That isn’t the only (or even worse) example but we have been together long enough to know communication is key about that sort of thing. I can be cranky and it’s not because of him, it’s because my cap for stress/anxiety/pain/etc is reached and I don’t have the ability to gauge and react like I normally would. It doesn’t excuse my behavior, and when I’m out of line I have to own up to it and redirect my emotions to a healthier place. Most of the times I catch myself after outbursts and apologize and do better. Sometimes he catches me. I think maybe you should encourage her and partake in some relaxing activities. Go walk in a park, do yoga, go to a relaxed restaurant with a view, grab some snacks and watch a comfort show, etc. Those things really help me mellow out and also make me feel safe and loved when my husband does them with me.
Also my husband says my high sex drive during my period makes up for my occasional slip ups.
Edit: I want to add that I am normally only reactive with my husband (used to be my mom when I was younger). And that’s probably because I feel safer and more vulnerable with him. It’s not okay to be rude, even if your on your period. I see both sides, but it should be communicated and shouldn’t be an excuse.
Duck no
It’s never acceptable to be rude 🤷♀️
Dump her, tell her you’re not on your period and that you won’t post the break up on IG of FB because you’re a decent human being. This sounds like an unhealthy situation. If you stay in it, it will take years off your life. She sounds like a master manipulator.
I get super hormonal on my period, I just ignore people so that I don’t lash out.
Honestly, it is normal and it’s not always easy to control. We become like two different people and it’s not always easy.
I wish men got periods.
No, no one should put up with unnecessary sht from others.
Yes the mood does change, but it’s down to her to reign it in. Don’t take abuse from anyone, especially those who refuse to take responsibility for what they do. Blaming it on ‘time of the minth’, or you.
Look everyone has bad days but that’s not an excuse to be a full blown asshole.
We may snap or be harsher than we mean whether because we’re in pain or because of normalized emotional abuse in households growing up. (Like they’re instinctual and without therapy that shit isn’t going away)
I think it’s more important when we recognize these behaviors in ourselves and apologize for them because again we can’t always control how we act in the heat of the moment without actively working on ourselves but we can control how we act afterwards.
She may snap but she should apologize afterwards, be remorseful, recognize that you don’t deserve the harsh treatment.
I’d try to talk to her and just say something like hey I know you might be in pain (I would avoid saying cranky or hormonal because some women hate being called this during their periods) but that doesn’t mean it’s okay for you to snap at me. I’m not a mind reader and unless you tell me what you want or need I can’t help you. Ask her if there’s anything you can do during her period to make it easier for her but that you won’t put up with her being rude.
I personally don’t think it’s acceptable for any woman on a period to be rude.
I have PCOS and my periods are hell on earth, it’s painful to the point I at times request to go to the hospital. But even then, I’m not rude about it.
If I feel the smallest cramp I’m already setting up a hated blanket, hot water for tea, chocolates and comfort items to help me get through it.
I recently had a hysterectomy surgery but still have my ovaries so I’ll still have cramping with the cysts but at least no bleeding.
Still, you need to have a sit down and honest discussion between you two, communication about why it happened and where to go from there.
It’s kind of hard to make a judgement call on this without having a lot of context. That aside, having a period isn’t an excuse for shit or moody behaviour but it is a reason for it. A lot of females experience a change in mood and tolerance for things around that time. I know I do and I think WHY am I feeling like this and then BAM! The difference is acknowledging and being mindful about how your behaviour might impact others. Perhaps something to bring up in a few days time :p men also seem to blame some pretty average behaviour on testosterone so
No, a period isn’t a “Get out of Jail free Card”. Actions have consequences & you can’t just be an asshole/rude/jerk because your on your period. The running to complain about you on social media is a red flag in my opinion. I’d have a conversation with her & take it from there depending on the conversation.
Female here. Periods can bea absolutely nasty, but does not justify that you get to be rude or bitchy. Whatsoever. That’s just too childish and making excuses 😑 even worse, posting on Instagram about this… To me, this screams bratty teenage behaviour.
You need to set up a boundary. Make it clear you understand that she’s moody because of her period but that it doesn’t excuse her rude behaviour.
As a woman who has extremely painful periods that I cannot even get out of bed with, I can’t imagine just being rude to someone like that.
Even if I get snappy I apologise, and feel really bad for it.
I don’t care how much pain you’re in, you have agency over your own actions. You can’t blame your behaviour on anything or anyone else. You have to take accountability. It’s hard being a woman, but it doesn’t mean we now have to go and make everyone else’s life around us hard too.
No. No woman is entitled to behave badly because she’s having her period. Ever. And it’s not something a woman should need to be cheered up over. She needs to grow up.
Some people have extreme mood swings during that time. My daughter says she becomes irrational and angry and cannot help herself. It really is a curse.