Hey guys,
To give some context. I (M26) have never dated anyone, ive never had a kiss, sex, nothjng. Alot of it was due depression i recently realized ive been living with probably since the strt of college. I moved around a bit as a kid and never really had a consistent group of friends. My college friends were not very uplifting either, and at times avoided me when it came to parties. Im not blaming it on them, just saying. I grew to have some self-esteem issues in college due to bad social life, bad dating app experiences , i would get no matches while my friends got like 10 a week, among other things.
In the past few years ive been working with therapists (3 so far) to help improve my social life and self-esteem, especially when it comes to dating. My self esteem has improved to where im not afraid of trying anymore (could improve a little more though). Ive improved socially alot, but i think ive hit the limit of what therapy can do for me in my dating life. Im going out more to bars and clubs, talking to girls, sometimes i get a few numbers, i have joined multiple social clubs (crossfit, co-ed softball, etc). I even go to alot of meetup groups, and tried a few dating events. When i get girls numbers i end up getting ghosted most of the time after i try to text them, sometimes i get a few back and forth texts before i get ghosted. Twice now a girl agreed to go on a date with me but then as the day approached she would cancel and even say “can we do next weekend cause ive been booked” to which ill try and be considerste and say “no problem”. But then they keep cancelling to the point where i just let them know whenever they want to hangout im open and i never hear from them again. Another time, I was able to get a coffee date a few weeks back and during the “date” she started talking about her boyfriend to which i realized that this wasnt a date, just a friendly platonic meetup.
Every therapist i have says im not doing nothing wrong and that i should be patient, which i have tried to be but ive been hearing the same advice for the past year, and i am tired of just hoping for the best.
Im not sure what else to try. Im slightly introverted but i can be very social when need to be, especially when im comfortable and i feel like most of the time i have no problems speaking to girls. I dont feel like im presenting myself as desperate. Ill just talk about anything and make a few jokes,get a few laughs etc. im new in town(juet got here like 2 months ago), so ive been using that as well as a way to meet and talk to people.
Im not looking for a longterm relationship, but im not running away from it either. Im just looking for anything, kiss, one-night stand, casual dating etc.
Any advice?
Tl;dr
Any advice to get a date for me (M26) who has never dated, kissed or had sex?
3 comments
[deleted]
I’ll give you actual, practical advice.
– Get an OLD profile
– Get a friend / loved one to take awesome photos
– Get in there and swipe 2 hours a day, pay for premium if you have to to get extra swipes.
– Be honest with yourself about your appearance and who you could realistically be with, then swipe on them.
– Match, talk for 2-3 days, ask for a date.
– Rip that fucker off like a bandaid and get yourself out there.
Then it’ll all fall into place. Just shooting straight with you.
I am not sure myself either. I never applied for a dating license or paid the local tag license for a date.
However, I have pouched a lot. Cheaper that way too.
Self confidence is sexy.
Success is something girls can smell too. I am not joking. They can. It’s not success in you have a lot of money. It’s that you are leading a fulfilling life.
Name your last three accomplishments and three goals your working on. What do those emotions taste like?
Imagine your life as a bunch of social media posts. Would you want to spend time reading and looking through it.
You are a introvert? This is perhaps you biggest hurdle. You are not going to find other introverts in social environments.
Really have to think outside the box to capture a girl that can understand or is an introvert themselves.
You need to target locations where you can approach them. A simple
hello, how are you doing?
Hey….can you help me pick out a gift for (disposable third party person that can easily disappear. Like your co-workers girlfriend). They hate gift cards. I know right. But I am doing this for them.
Bring up how your an introvert and this isn’t your thing. Talk about hobbies and passions of you own.
If the conversation develops or the take the hook.
“Pick stand out miscellaneous choice and use a physical feature and insert complement” example….”that shirt really draws out the color of your eyes?”
If they enjoy the complement and are smiling and the conversation feels natural. Ask if you can exchange social media info or numbers.
Then….plan event dates. Don’t do dinner or movies. Your an introvert, play to your strengths. You do things with purpose and reason. Not to simply go out and mingle.
So make your dates purposeful and meaningful. Do stuff that is out of the ordinary. Like Bungie jumping. Tight rope walking. Mystery rooms. Stuff initiates thoughts and physical activity.