Me (23M) and my gf (19F) are dating for 4 months. My gf’s granddad, who was very dear to her, passed away more than a year ago and her fucked-up, junkie cousin was coercing her in dms and molesting her during family gatherings for her granddad’s wake. Due to his persistence and her extremely depressed state, she eventually consented to having sex with him.
They agreed to meet in his office and did it there.
What just makes me feel disgusted is that I could never do that even at my lowest emotional points. I’ve also heard abt other times she was taken advantage of and it makes me feel very uneasy at how vulnerable she was. She explained to me that she deeply regretted what she did with her cousin back then and what made it less awkward for her was that they never grew up together (so he barely felt like family). She also explained that due to the numerous family problems and life tragedies she experienced, her vulnerability was somewhat intentional for the purposes of “self-harm” and nihilistic tendencies.
Despite how bad she said she felt about doing it with her cousin, she still acts very friendly to him, so I pointed it out and she said she’s just putting up a facade to not make the situation any more awkward. It makes my head hurt thinking if did she really feel coerced or if she never really regretted what happened since I just can’t feel her anger towards him.
TL;DR My gf had sex with her coercing cousin in her moments of weakness and that together with her seemingly nonchalant interaction with him currently makes me feel bad in a disgusted and frustrated way.
3 comments
Was she 19 at the time of the sex?
Yikes that’s dark. Her behavior sounds like someone that has a history of abuse causing poor self-confidence and boundary issues. She needs therapy. I don’t have any advice for you on the handle this. It’s deeply disturbing – I get it. All you can do is support her and encourage her to look into therapy. I don’t know how long ago this was- it’s possible she’s already worked through it herself. But it doesn’t hurt to do some therapy to work through any trauma that might still be lingering.
Does she embrace the healthy aspects of your relationship or do you find her sabotaging things to create drama?
I think the best thing for both of you would be for you to break up with her. You’re four months in, which is nowhere near long enough to be dealing with her cheating and all of this other mess.