My husband and I welcomed our baby into our lives a little over a week ago. I had a slightly complicated birth, spending 2 extra nights in the hospital, which worried me as to how much I could participate once we brought our little one home. I talked to my husband about my worries and he responded that he can handle it and for me not to worry about it. We have ample help from both grandparents but I know my husband is stressed trying to keep the load off of me. Today I was walking around the house with the little one while my husband napped and went to him office and found an open drawer of alcohol and a vaping pen. He is a former smoker so the vaping pen has always been his vice when stressed at work from time to time but it is the open alcohol that worries me most as he knows I don’t care if he has a drink at night..so why hide it. I know he is stressed and I continually ask him to open up to me about the pressure he is under but he won’t say anything… Any suggestions or opinions would help. Thanks
6 comments
Just bring it up. “I noticed your drawer of alcohol/vape. How come you kept that secret? It’s not as though I really mind but I’m curious why the secrecy.”
He IS opening up to you you just don’t see it. The alcohol was left for you to find. Maybe his conscious mind didn’t do it but you bet his subconscious did.
Now is your cue to have a big old fight with him, get all emotional and shit, and prod him into yelling. That’s what he needs, he needs to get upset enough and emotional enough for the filters to be shut down. If you can squeeze out a few tears that’s even better it might get him there faster. Here’s a guide for that:
[https://www.masterclass.com/articles/how-to-cry-on-command](https://www.masterclass.com/articles/how-to-cry-on-command)
Men are socialized differently, remember. We don’t let go emotionally unless you drop a 50lb weight on our toe.
maybe hiding it from grandparents hanging around.
Just tell him, “I don’t want to be married to budding alcoholic. So time to ditch the drinking.”
Have you asked him if he’s okay? When my husband is drinking or smoking out of stress I try to talk to him about it because I’ve done it in the past. I try to be nonjudgmental about it and figure out what’s going on, and explore why he feels like he needs to do it and what I can do to help. If I was super worried I’d tell him why.
Most men will just try to push through without asking for help or expressing their stress. I’m guilty of that right now – I have a 5 month old that I’m doing the vast majority of work with because my wife pumps all day due to low supply issues. I’m extremely stressed and burned out but I feel like I can push through for a few more months.
My only suggestion is to make sure he feels it is safe to express how he feels and that he won’t get judged for it. Also, assuming you can’t physically take any of the load from him, make sure he knows he is still needed to help out. I think he would feel worse if you took on some of the load even though you aren’t physically able to yet