She and I have gotten to be good friends, but I’ve been noticing some changes in her behaviour. When I arrive at work, she always ends up parking beside me so we can talk for a while before our shift starts. We go out for lunch about twice a week. We chat on snapchat occasionally, and we talk about stuff that coworkers usually don’t talk about; goals, aspirations, things that are worrying her, etc. We make fun little jabs at one another, and usually end up laughing pretty hard. But after our most recent lunch, we hugged, and she pressed herself up against me.
Does she see me as a friend, or do you think she may be interested in being more?
(Note: there is a significant age gap between us. I’m M33, she’s F22)
32 comments
She’s into you but doesn’t want to pursue you to hard in case you’re not interested. She’s 22, have some fun but realize she’s still young.
Maybe, but I wouldn’t draw conclusions from just what you described.
Maybe she sees you as a friend.
maybe she’s hungry.
Start off: don’t shit where you eat. Don’t date a coworker because it’ll get awkward if it doesn’t work out.
But, if you want to pursue, move the conversation more into personal territory: whether she has a boyfriend. She should have volunteered this information at some point, so reinforce the question to get a response. If the response is an enthusiastic no, then ask her if she’d like to meet you for a dinner date. Keep it casual, but informative.
I don’t know guy because even if you do everything right it’s tough. Sometimes girls don’t even know they look like they’re indicating interest and it can make us look bad. I would hate for you to make a move and then make her ‘uncomfortable.’
Conversely, I don’t think it’s bad to meet an SO in the work place but I just don’t trust people to be direct enough especially if they’re under 25. That’s when you get the most mixed messages and indirect bs which doesn’t help. (In fact it can set you up to look bad unintentionally.) What’s worse to me, is when someone ‘trusts you,’ (cause you’re their senior) I mean I get it, it’s cool but it’s really hard to read the cue’s so I wouldn’t do it.
I would not do it ESPECIALLY if they’re under 25.
If they’re older then it’s cool, everyone else is a kid learning cue’s.
TLDR:
It’s too easy for you to be a villain on this. Do yourself a favor and look elsewhere.
No
It sounds like you two are friends and she enjoys your company as an older work friend in my opinion.
I remember having an older work friend when I was 19 and everything you described was our relationship. The times I hugged him were real honest hugs, from friend to friend. So, although they might have been “tight” hugs, they were not romantic.
I think she just enjoys your company. It’s nice sometimes to get the point of view of an older guy. That’s how my friendship with my friend was. He liked my naïveté and saw me as a little sister, whereas I liked his wisdom and really enjoyed his crazy stories.
Female friendships tend to be more open, communicative and/or physical in a platonic way compared with male friendships (generalisation but often true).
Chances are you are reading into things.
Either way, getting involved with someone at work complicates things.
And I would say that while the age gap in and of itself isn’t insurmountable, her being 22 means it’s not very appropriate.
The disparity between your experiences and hers are too great for there not to be an imbalance of power, even if you don’t intend to take advantage of that.
Are you really at the same stage of life and want the same things at the same time (ie 2-5 years from now will you both be ready for the same life milestones)?
If its just a hookup then that’s different but if you’re thinking about something more I wouldn’t recommend it (speaking as a woman having been in an age gap relationship when I was younger).
Nope
She’s hungry and you’re a nice coworker. Plus she’s only really just turned into an adult and you’re 33.
I would interpret that as friendship. I’ve talked to my current coworkers about my life goals and how I want to leave this job and work for myself – and I barely know them. Sometimes you just feel comfortable with someone and that’s a good thing, but it doesn’t mean sexual attraction.
Maybe I’m missing this in your opening but, I don’t see anything about how YOU feel towards her. You say that she is consistently accepting invites. I read that to mean that you are always asking her to go to lunch, and she never says no. So, while you share that some of her behavior may indicate that she’s more than friend-interested in you, she very well may be behaving like this because she’s more comfortable/accepting of you as her really good friend. So, I hate to answer a question with a question but, just as important in this is, are YOU interested? If you are, I think you need to truly make this known soon. You could already have unknowingly placed yourself in the friend zone, especially if your lunch invites are >5. If it’s just happened 2 or 3 times, that’s one thing. But, if you’re frequently lunching, maybe she just views you as her good work friend.
Do you pay for her lunch? Honestly tho just be upfront if you have interest I’m considering doing the same I have a co worker that’s cute and we talk/flirt/tease one another but I got no clue if that’s just how see is or if she’s into me. It seams ever time that I get the most vibe of her being into me she will kinda distance her self and so I do the same only for her to smile big at me when asking for something or being playful about something else. Take that with a grain of salt tho I wanna be like hey I like you do you like me but also I hate the idea of her being eww no and then that playful ness is gone
She might just want to be your friend. What you’ve laid out it is not definitive that she’s interested romantically. Please be careful approaching her, it can really be demoralizing for a young woman when you think you find a mentor / buddy at work and then they make a move on you. It makes working with you after, if she’s not interested, really really uncomfortable for the woman. Please tread lightly and don’t make it so she’ll learn that she has to avoid having male friends in the office.
Sounds like you’re friends, I wouldn’t move it beyond that (don’t shit where you eat).
It sounds like a work friend.
Who would say no to free lunch🤣🤣🤣
Coworkers can be friends. It’s likely she feels comfortable around you and likes to have someone to lunch with. If you really wanna know, Ask someone she is friends with if she’s interested in you other than being friends.
She is interested, in lunch.
Nooooooo
I think the age gap makes me inclined to think she more sees you as a mentor. While I’ve recently come around on the idea of asking out coworkers (turns out that’s how a lot of people meet there partners), I’d really tread carefully with such a huge age gap and how others might perceive it.
Sounds like you got a ‘work wife’ – don’t read too much into it and stick with women closer to your own age (and ones you don’t work with)
The age difference concerns me coupled with the fact that you are coworkers. If you’re going to have a relationship with someone at work, it’s generally a good idea to ensure that they are mature and clear enough on what they want to prevent a terrible aftermath.
People are generally not very mature at 22. Also, a 22 YO and 33 YO would likely want different things from a relationship.
Do u pay for her food?
Maybe she is Canadian
It’s hard to tell based only what you described.
If you aren’t interested just play cool and pretend nothing is happening, just keep being her friend. Although, if you’re interested, you can risk and make a move, but I would wait for more signs before doing that.
[I recommend watching this helpful video.](https://youtu.be/xa-4IAR_9Yw)
Tell her you’re not good at signals when it comes to dating and it’s frustrating. Maybe that’ll be the hint to get her to make it more obvious if it is the case
Take her somewhere that doesn’t involve food. You’ll have your answer.
Honestly I’d say she likes you. Those are all things I would do to let someone know I liked them, but test the waters before fully jumping in, you don’t wanna end up frozen and stuck 🥶 and honestly fuck the age gap bullshit. I prefer dating older men. I’ve always been like that and I’ve never felt “groomed” by anyone older than me because I know where to draw lines and set boundaries. Men take too long to mature anyway. Anywhos, she’s 21+ so you’re good. Have fun -signed a 24y/o who’s dated people 7 years older than me and am perfectly fine
I have two similar age gap coworker experiences. However, I never acted on them because I felt it not just taboo to date a coworker but also unethical because I was in a superior/position of authority.
1) I was M35, she was F25. We hardly spoke at the office for her first 2 years there. There was one incident while I was talking to her team leader who was seated by the window in an adjacent row and she said “Just stretching!” and stretched in a way that pull up her shirt and reveal her belly, then the arms back stretching where her chest would be pushed out. Sure, there was more space here, but she could’ve used the window next to her instead, she could’ve waited until I left, or she could’ve not do it right next to me. I didn’t think too much of it at the time because there was a time when all of our office systems were down so everyone was goofing off and I saw her playing a multiplayer mobile game and asked her if I could join her and she was like “why would I want to play with you?”
Not too long after the “stretching incident” though, she started requesting 1 on 1 meetings with me for career advice, and I treated it completely professionally each time. She was taking another job in a foreign country, and a few days befor her last day she just impromptu stopped by my desk to chat ’til late night (I usually work until 9-10pm back in those days).
After she officially quit but before she formally relocated (she was pending various paperwork and visa), she requested a meeting to talk about her career future some more. I suggested a normal cafe, she countered with Alexander Patisserie, texted that she’s running late when I arrived on time, then showed up in heavy makeup – so heavy it looks like she’s some highschool girl just learning to use makeup (she normally goes for a natural look). Our conversation did focus on work/career, though at one point as I was trying to wrap my head around what’s going on I tried to work into as part of the career discussion and confirm that she was 25, IIRC she responded a bit defensively with something “why does that matter?”
We met 6 more times or so, once in the foreign country that she’s in because I happened to have a business trip there (staying in the same industry means there’s bound to be intersects) and the rest back in the US. It’s always been work/career related, most of the time she initiated. The last and final time, just before the pandemic lockdown, though, it was just an awkard quiet lunch. I asked her didn’t she want to discuss her business ideas and she was like “No, we don’t have to talk about that.” and quietly stares at her phone. I’m not sure if she would’ve continued ask to meet up if it weren’t for the lockdowns.
Maybe she was interested, but her style was to keep creating opportunities then cross her fingers and hope that I would say something.
2) I was 33M-36M, she was 28F-31F. Same workplace as above. From the very first time we met she couldn’t stop giggling whether from looking at me or talking to me. I kept a straight face the entire time because I was her trainer and I’m generally pretty serious while at work. I just figured she was nervous and laughing was her coping mechanism.
We started having lunches once or twice a week. It was always clear she has a boyfriend since she started working there. She was always asking various personal questions and pushing to be gym buddies which I eventually agreed (we have a work gym). One time I caught her having a photo of me on her work desktop, and I was like “Why do you have a photo of me on your desktop?” which she quickly covered with her hand and deleted and denied. All this time I assumed she was trying to set me up with a friend of hers because of all the personal details, zodiac signs, etc. she’s been asking and pushing to meet outside of the office. Eventually she did bring a friend to the gym, but there was barely any introduction and they stuck together. The friend never came back but we continued syncing our gym schedule.
One or two years in there started to be office gossip about the two of us being a thing, to the point my boss even asked me directly about it. That’s when I decided to have a formal meeting with her and let her know I want to discontinue our luch sessions. She said she thinks the gossip is stupid and she doesn’t care if people talk, but I insisted because as a senior member of the team I felt it was the right thing to do.
A few months after that she got proposed by her boyfriend. There was round of congratulations at her cubicle. I went to congratulate her too. (One of the office gossipers tried to crack a joke at me and said “Don’t be heartbroken, you still have me!” but I dont’ want to talk about her) after things quiet down she said to me along the lines of “You know, if you like a girl you should tell her.” and I responded, “Who would I say that to?” and she became awkwardly silent.
That’s when I realized maybe she was interested all this time, but it never occured to me someone who’s in a relationship (7 years at that) would be actively going after someone, because that’s not something that I would do. Even had I realized it it’s not a line I would’ve crossed.
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But yeah, anyway, those are the two anecdotal stories I would like to offer to the OP that coworker lunches alone maybe could mean something, maybe does not.