I’m (F27) nearing the end of my first pregnancy with my husband (M28) of just over two years. Luckily things have been pretty smooth for me, no major hiccups, but unfortunately not for my husband.
He started putting on a decent amount of weight after the first couple months of me being pregnant. Figured it was just being back in the office from the pandemic or something, and didn’t worry too much. But by my 6th month of pregnancy, my husband had gained 60 pounds. I started getting concerned since I don’t think has diet has really changed that much, and talked with him about seeing his doctor. His doctor did a bunch of tests – EKG, hormones, ultrasound, blood work, etc – to make sure there weren’t any underlying conditions contributing to the weight as we were both a bit baffled. His doctor didn’t find anything concerning and attributed it to some kind of “Couvade syndrome” (which, for those who don’t know, is a somewhat psychological phenomenon where a man’s body starts mimicking his partner’s pregnant body & symptoms of the pregnancy). His doctor basically just told him to watch what he’s eating and attributed it to his diet.
I will say I have had some weird cravings during this pregnancy that have leaked over into my husbands life (and maybe due to the Couvade syndrome). He usually ends up craving and eating whatever weird things I’m in the mood for. I’m sure this could contribute to his weight change, but I haven’t gained much weight at all and he’s gotten quite big. Since that doctor’s appointment at 6 months, he’s put on another 35 pounds as I’m nearing the end of my pregnancy (due any day now) so almost 100 pounds total in the past 9 months. (From 160 pounds to almost 260 now)
It’s just a bit baffling to me – if he has no health issues, and I can see everything he’s eating at home / eating similarly to me, how is this happening? Is he bingeing on food at work or when I’m not around? Obviously to gain this much weight in 9 months time, you have to be eating a ton regardless of “Couvade syndrome.” What’s even more concerning (and what had become a bit of a joke with his family and friends) is that he’s gained nearly all of this weight in his middle. He looks more pregnant than I do. He’s had to spend a lot of money to continuously upsize his work clothes nearly every month. One of his coworkers has been doing a countdown to his “due date” every time he comes in the office.
Part of me wonders if he’s milking it and likes the attention he’s getting for this, telling everyone he’s going through this “Couvade syndrome” and how extreme it is, and is making it more extreme than it needs to be. And if this isn’t the case, then should we be more concerned about possible medical issues? I’m getting worried about him being able to help as well when the baby comes. He can barely bend over to tie his own shoes now, sweats going up the stairs in our house, has struggled to fit into booths at restaurants.
Thanks in advance for any insights or any further questions you may need to ask.
TLDR: my husband had gained almost 100 pounds in the 9 months of my pregnancy. His doctor didn’t find any health conditions and has attributed it to diet and “Couvade syndrome” (where a man’s body mimics his partner’s pregnancy symptoms). Should we seek other doctors to confirm this isn’t more serious? Or is my husband trying to get attention / eat whatever he wants with an excuse?
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>Part of me wonders if he’s milking it and likes the attention he’s getting for this, telling everyone he’s going through this “Couvade syndrome” and how extreme it is, and is making it more extreme than it needs to be.
That’s funny because at one point a few months ago there were many posts in this sub from someone who had gained all this weight because he (apparently) had a fetish for being/looking pregnant and the reactions he got from looking that way. General consensus was that he’s utterly nuts and seriously endangering his health iirc.
This might be better for r/askdocs or a similar subreddit. I doubt many people here will be able to give you medical advice, and there’s no system to verify their credentials if they do.
How is his mental health? Is he nervous to have a baby? How is your sex life? Is he still treating you the same? Has he hid things from you in the past? Do you have a way to check bank statements to see if he’s buying food everyday?
This sounds strange, but it is possible a big portion of it is small lifestyle changes related to your pregnancy that add up in a big way?
So, for example, let’s say that prior to pregnancy you would make a pot of coffee for the two of you in the am and he would have a cup on his way to work. If he is instead stopping at Starbucks and getting a 300-500 calorie coffee drink and often adding in a 300 calorie breakfast sandwich and/or a 500 calorie muffin that may be adding up quickly.
If he was previously packing lunch and/or you were packing his lunches and he is instead eating at work either because the smell of what he used to make upsets you or because you don’t have time to prepare food. Well, that could add up quickly as well. Especially if he went from being a homemade sandwich guy to a 1,000 calorie restaurant Ruben with fries and a drink of some kind (pop/soda).
Add in some stress eating while working (like a vending machine snack when he used to bring in carrots) and whatever is happening with your cravings, and he could easily be eating an extra 3,500 calories a day.
Plus if he used to work out more, walk somewhere where he now drives, etc. or has a more sedentary lifestyle in other ways he may also be burning less. This doesn’t have to be as intentional as it sounds. This could be as simple as he used to bike to work occasionally and now drives in order to leave to attend appointments or be ready if the baby comes or you two used to go hiking or do physically demanding yard work on weekends but haven’t done as much because you’ve been shopping for baby things.
Add in some other factors he may not be sharing like hiding alcohol use and therefore drinking more since he can’t drink with you (two drinks and a happy hour snack quickly after work rather than slowly sipping a glass of wine with you in the evening, for example) and it starts to add up to a lot more calories.
It’s even possible for someone oblivious enough or in denial enough to not realize how much has changed. In the hypothetical I just came up with, for example, he’s still, in his mind, having coffee in the morning, a sandwich at lunch, a snack in the afternoon, a drink with dinner, etc. It usually takes about 3,500 extra calories to gain a pound.
So if he had a day like I just described on about 1-2 thirds of his days, he’d easily be able to gain what he has. Which makes it that much more likely someone would be in denial, because there are enough days in there to think he isn’t doing that *every* day/ he’d really only have to add the breakfast sandwich, fries, drink after work, etc. a few times a week to see the effects.
If he recognizes the problem, this probably starts with consulting another doctor, getting a second option, and then getting permission from doctors for him to actively diet/ reduce calories. If he continues to gain even when tracking what he eats and eating amounts where he really shouldn’t gain, there is your answer.
> What’s even more concerning (and what had become a bit of a joke with his family and friends) is that he’s gained nearly all of this weight in his middle. He looks more pregnant than I do.
That is how many men get fat. Really, jackets from males section were fitting me perfectly when I was pregnant.
> I’m sure this could contribute to his weight change, but I haven’t gained much weight at all and he’s gotten quite big.
But you are pregnant. Your body is spending food on baby and your body changes. Whole you metabolism changes in subtle ways. His did not.
You can search for second opinion. It would make sense for him to start thinking about his diet more. It is also possible that he eats more when you are not around. It is possible that he is moving much less then before or is affected by stress.
But, I kind of find it odd you would rather believe he is getting fat for attention while it having nothing to do with his diet and lifestyle. That one does not makes sense – even if you are getting intentionally fat for attention (and that is going to be super rare in our culture), he would do that by eating more.