Hey everyone – this might not be a popular thread, I know the question is divisive, but I could really use some outside perspectives. It’s not a humble brag – I am unable to think about anything else. We’ve started thinking about school for our two year old and have hit on the question – independent or state? What would you do?
I am the product of an independent education, my wife is state equivalent (North America). We live in a nice area in the south of the U.K. with all “good” rated state primaries around us. There are quite a few independents around us too. We can afford an independent education for both of our children but the sticking point I’ve hit on is – is the money better spent elsewhere?
I opened my spreadsheet and worked out that this first phase of schooling between reception to year 6 or 8 will cost between £106k-£120k per child. I could have fallen off my chair and into a grave when I saw that. But when looking monthly, is £1,500 per month, which packs less of a punch.
If we didn’t send them to independent, we could keep that £106k over the first part of their eduction and put it somewhere else – uni fund? Secondary? New house? Better holidays? More comfortable life in general?
At the end of the day, I want to give my girls the best shot at life I can give them whilst they’re relying on me. I feel that if I sent them to state I would be worried about what education they could be missing out on.
Am I mad? What would you do? Am I over thinking this?
Ps –
We saw an independent school last week on an open day and the facilities, attention to the child (teacher / child ratio), holistic teaching methods etc were just mind blowing. We drove away basically certain that we would send the children there. I’ve made some appointments to see local state schools to get a proper feel for that system so we can make an informed decision.
Edit 1: we could consider moving to an even better location with better state schools
12 comments
Not all independent schools are great. Not all state schools are bad.
If you can afford it, I would go independent. Its a totally different experience to state school (I went to state).
The state schools in our area were just so stretched, overcrowded and miserable. Where we are is like a different world, it’s in the country, acres of grounds for the kids to play in. Teachers that actually seem to love what they do and know the kids. The kids seem happy and confident.
It’s also a different type of parent (we’re talking entrepreneurs and high level execs), so there moment you’ll realise that your kids is friends with people that have ponies, stables and swimming pools and live in a unrealistic bubble that isn’t touched by all that’s going on in the world.
But make sure you can afford it, theres school trips etc to consider as well.
Good luck. Just know whatever decision you make will be the right one.
If I had shitloads of money (income well into 6 figures) I’d send my child to an independent school because it will have enough money to pay for facilities, won’t be (or might become) an “academy” with a fetish for behaviour rules over education, and won’t have uncontrolled disruptive or bullying behaviour. All of those are non-trivial risks in state schools.
If I didn’t have that much money, I’d try very hard to get my child into the least crappy state school around me, and throw money at out-of-school activities, tuition, etc, to give them the best chance I could.
The cost of private school fees will pay for a *lot* of other life-improving stuff for a child. But extra tuition, activities, etc, will only compensate for so much bad teaching or disruption at school, so it depends how bad their state/Academy school is.
Important: once you commit to private education, you’ve really got to keep it up or you’re going to end up pulling them out of the private school to a wildly different and possibly inferior state school environment. That would be extremely hard for them to succeed in, harder than if they started off there. So don’t do it unless you can comfortably afford it, because you might always end up with somewhat less income in future for some reason. That’s why I say I’d only do this if I had a very high income (unless the child can get some sort of scholarship for the whole education time, I suppose).
Its no good asking me, I find all forms of institutional education pretty much pointless and a waste of everybodies time. If i had my time again and had enough money to even consider independent/private education I’d retire and home school my kids.
Yes you are overthinking this. I have no doubt you live in a nice area with good state schools. So send them there and use the money to get them through Uni or on the property ladder
I think it depends on lots of factors:
– What are the state schools like? Are there grammar schools?
– What are the independent schools like?
– Do you feel your child will still get exposed to different types of people and cultures, at the independent schools?
– Is safety a concern?
– Would the state school education mean more money for educational and life enriching experiences such as holidays, theatre, museum trips, instrument lessons, sports, etc?
– How pressurised is the independent school environment?
Personally, I went to a state primary and then a grammar school, which I feel very lucky about. I come from a low income household but would not have coped well in a non grammar. I would’ve likely been teased a lot, and certainly would’ve felt quite alienated and alone, which would’ve definitely affected my ability to learn.
It really, really depends. I would research each school as an individual option as I’ve heard just as many bad stories about private education as I have about public education.
If you want to invest in their education, I would perhaps consider public education and additional tutoring or extra curricular activities to be paid for privately, depending on the quality of the public education around you. In my experience, those can be more beneficial as they’re tailored to your children and their individual needs.
I think the very real reality of this is that no type of education will promise your girls the best shot at life. There are so, so many factors that go into that. A stable home life, what your girls eventually decide they want to do, etc.
A lot will depend on the kid and their interests and character (which of course will be hard to fully know before any decision happens re school)
Independent is only an option if you can afford it obvs and afford means not sacrificing all the rest of life eg holidays /fun times or having a home that works for you and you are happy with etc
One of mine has thrived in independent (really bright, slightly socially awkward when younger, naturally academically motivated, a bit sporty)
One other would have hated independent (socially amazing, dyslexic, early speech issues, academically struggles but excellent in creative areas that are of interest) she thived in a good state school – she is doing well at uni now
Swapped over both would have hated school but the right way round for them they have both thrived
If it’s a choice between primary and secondary, then I’d say secondary. Primary schools round here are in general very good, but it all goes wrong at secondary. That’s where your money should go
Having been independent throughout school, I’d probably say independent is more important for secondary over primary, assuming that the primary schools you’ve got as an option are genuinely good.
Overall though I couldn’t recommend private school enough, they are genuinely fantastic in most places.
Independent 100%
Check that they are a member of [HMC](https://www.hmc.org.uk/) which usually is a indicator of a good school. You can check the reports by the Independent School Inspectorate too.
And of course, do go on a tour of the school. Any private school worth its salt will put time and effort into this, often with the Headmaster where you can ask questions and see what the standard of teaching is.
I would send them to state and then top up with tutors, e learning subscriptions or perhaps Kumon.
My mum has been a teacher for years and she always said the biggest difference between the top kids and bottom at a young age are that the best kids read or are read to regularly. Perhaps hire a baby sitter to read with your kids a couple hours a week whilst you sort out the housework.
Depends on what you need. If it became apparent your children had any SEND requirements I’d say stare. There’s less help in the private sector, ironically.