“They can ghost me all they want. If they don’t give me a reply that they’re no longer interested or just block me, I’m gonna keep pursuing them with the least bit of harassment as possible. We’re not children, if you don’t want to associate with me any longer then say something because until you do all I know is how I feel about you and not enough about what’s going on, on their end. I don’t take hints cause I’m not into playing games unless those hints are obvious signs of discomfort because at that point its not a hint anymore since it has clarity”
He was giving me advice on whether or not I should just bail from talking to someone that isn’t responding but also hasn’t said they’re not interested at the same time they also told me they’re into me multiple times. What do you guys think about this?
Edit: Thank you all for your perspectives.
Edit 2: Feels like without some description you guys won’t understand the tone or type of person my friend is. He already has a gf and it worked well for him. He’s not a disrespectful or obsessive person he just consistent cause he’s aware of the things he doesn’t know and moreover always level-headed. So even in his persistence he applies patience which is why I look up to him. Idk if this helps but he’s not what his quote makes him look or sound like.
Thank you all overall please feel free to continue offering your thoughts. I appreciate it.
27 comments
I think he has little self worth. Very little.
Nah, sometimes no response is a response. Where’s the self respect to stop messaging someone if they’re not replying?
I can understand the mindframe in a vacuum, I don’t think it’s an effective dating strategy or good use of your time.
Taking Never Gonna Give You UP to another level…
Your friend is missing that not responding to multiple texts is an obvious sign of disinterest.
3 strikes you’re out. If you’ve made 3 attempts to reach out and they don’t respond, keep it moving. (This isn’t a hard or fast rule, just how I personally see it.)
Don’t pursue! And don’t put so much investment into someone you barley even know. That’s how you go crazy lol
I asume this even from my GF, as much as i love her i treat the whole relationship as if it was over. lol
Lol why would you want to pursue someone who isn’t interested in you
Stalker vibes right there. And quite psychotic ones. I wouldn’t take ANY dating advice from that friend.
If they were truly interested, they would be responding. If you find that you are the one always initiating conversation, always following up, always making the plans…they’re not interested and not being honest about it. There is no need to harass someone until they tell you otherwise. Fall back, go silent, see how many days pass until (if) they bother to reach out to you.
I’m recently single at 35, the last time I dated OLD had not really taken off so it’s brand new to me, and I’m slowly adjusting to just how mindless and soul-crushing it really is. I’m also an engineer, so I like my things cut and dried, black and white, always knowing where I stand.
So this trend of “read message, maybe check profile, but not send anything back” is really driving me up the wall. Big thanks to the women who have at least had the decency to unmatch me, even wordlessly, because I know where I stand.
Having said all that, your friend’s opinion is really fucking weird and borderline creepy. Once you send a message, ball’s in their court, whether or not they play with it is up to them.
Nonverbal communication is communication. In fact, it accounts for up to 70% of it. Expression, body language, tone, words, and lack thereof *is* communication.
Humans are social creatures and women have to be very careful to avoid bad situations for their safety. If he can’t empathize with the latter and doesn’t have enough social skill to interpret the former then he shouldn’t be in the dating world.
Your friend is the danger…he is the one who knocks😅😅
Sounds like he has no self
Esteem and likes self mutilation
Tbh I agree with your friend in general principle.
But this is heavily context dependent. Sometimes it’s obvious when the person wants to cut contact. But sometimes they just need some time to process.
And to people saying he has low self esteem. Maybe, maybe not. Maybe he just has a very clear and direct communication style. Which is honestly a good thing.
I feel like he is not wrong but his attitude is “too good” to work in the real world. Like a honour based anti cheating system or something.
People suck. So he will just end up frustrated.
Idk just my two cents.
Your friend is the type to ask a million questions for “clarification” once they say they’re not interested. You’re friend is the reason people ghost. He’s an idiot
I kind of agree. It also depends on how well you know the person. But I’m the type that’s always said I’m going to force them to say no to me. If the answer’s no, don’t be a coward and not tell me. I’ve asked a lot of women out and been rejected an exorbinant number of times. I respect the women who have said they weren’t interested much more than the ones who tried to sneak out of giving a straight answer. And in turn I’ve had one or two women ask me out where I wasn’t into them. And I was always kind about it. But I made it clear that it could never happen. So while a non-answer is an answer, I’m sort of the type who is in fact expecting an answer. And I say that partially in the context of the fact that it takes me a lot of courage to work up the gall to ask them out in general, so the least they can do is not be wishy-washy about it.
it depends on context. if it’s a dating app or someone you don’t even know, if they don’t reply in three days, i consider the person as ghosted and i don’t bother anymore.
Your friend sounds like he over-invests in people, gets butthurt, and can’t read disinterest, so he lashes out.
I hate ghosting, but when it happens I count it as a bullet dodged and move the fuck on.
OP your friend sounds vindictive. He damn well knows if someone isn’t responding, she’s not interested. Ironic, because he says he doesn’t play games, but playing games is exactly what he is doing with this vindictive ‘Well they didn’t directly say no so I’ll just keep on after them until they do’ BS.
I’ve argued with a lot of girls on here that are pro-ghosting who claim that ghosting is *safe* as opposed to just politely letting someone know you are no longer interested. This example points out that guys can be equally frustrated with ghosting and it can also lead to bad outcomes and harassment! I think people who ghost are actually just trying to avoid the guilt, empathy, and emotion involved with rejection. They want to blow through as many people as possible, and ghosting helps them do that soullessly and guiltlessly. They think ghosting is a better alternative because they feel stressed when finally confronted with the emotional, human consequences of their actions, and want to avoid that however possible. While safety is always a concern, politely letting you know you’re not interested in someone is no less safe than just ignoring them and potentially turning them into a psycho seeking closure.
As for your friend, I would encourage him to redefine his perspective in such a way that makes him unattracted to girls who ghost. There are healthy and unhealthy ways to mentally create this perspective, but either way it will create the desired outcome. For example, I think girls who ghost are immature/trashy and really respect the girls who don’t. If a girl respects me, I respect her back by thanking her and respecting her wishes. If a girl ghosts me, I feel thankful that I caught a warning-whiff of the human garbage before wasting any more of my time on her and I just cease all communication or thoughts about her. She’s done. Completely done. She doesn’t deserve the slightest additional thought, attention, or remorse.
I am also not a hypocrite. When things started getting more serious with a girl I was seeing casually, I started politely letting other girls know. It was, of course, awkward and weird. One girl cried and I felt awful. But they deserved to know and not be left hanging in doubt without so much as a word.
“We’re not children.” Proceeds to act like a child.
Don’t take him serious. He is just being childish and “but hurt” over how he thinks women have treated him.
He can give you all the advice he wants,…doesn’t mean you have to follow it.
Eh, the advice won’t hurt anyone, might be a waste of time, but you never know. People get busy and they can forget to reply.
I think ghosting unless it’s meant as a “fk you” is an asinine thing to do.
With that said, I think your friend’s stance is all about control. “The least but of harassment as possible” is literally harassment and it’s obvious that a lack of response in such a case indicates a lack of interest.
Keep pestering and that leaves a trail of evidence for the police to pursue with a harassment charge.
You know what.
There’s the a perfect balance between those who cry that they’ve been “ghosted” because their date hasn’t responded in 6 hours…
And those like your friend. (or worse).
I respect his approach. Statistically it might even reap better results. The only thing is that it should come with an “auto off” switch – for example 3 unanswered messages = the end.
If that’s the case, then that’s good.
There will always be a bit of ambiguity in social interactions. I see your friend’s behavior as a way for him to try to get rid of that ambiguity. I feel for him because socialization can be hard but his method wouldn’t fly in a lot of cultures/social circles.
I think better advice for you is find someone who is as enthusiastic about you as you are about them. Your friend has probably annoyed a lot of woman have been taught to “be nice” when rejecting a man.