I (22F) have been single my entire life, I think that contributes to my mixed feelings. I don’t feel ready for my life to change by adding someone into it. I love the thought of a relationship sometimes and I know I am more of a relationship oriented person. I have dated guys non exclusively for really brief periods of time in college but it never went anywhere. I’d always get super attached to them when it didn’t work out, I’d get sad. So I know casual is not for me.
I have a busy job now, well I work normal hours in an office but as an introvert it still feels like a lot. I am definitely a loner at heart, I also have many personal hobbies that I enjoy like painting, knitting, sewing, etc. I know I’d have to sacrifice more of that if I got into a relationship, at least to some extent. I’m not sure if I’m ready to do that yet.
I don’t want to date people without clear intentions. I don’t like the situationship scenario, I have been there and I always end up getting hurt. However, guys that have the intention of a relationship also scare me because it becomes so much more real. Like okay, we are actually meeting up in a date and going out. Then we work towards that goal of a relationship. It’s what I want to happen but it also seems “scary.” Even if I like the person, I become nervous about it all. I have been on and off the dating apps.
I have a whole stack of likes on Hinge that that I am afraid to match with, but they also seem like nice guys with similar goals so I kind of want to match with some.
I do long for a relationship though. I’d love to have a life partner and someone to talk to, to do things with. Someone who’s likeminded. I don’t know if I’m just a late bloomer and it’s not my time to start dating yet or if I just need to get over my doubts and do it. Maybe it’s because I don’t know what I want out of life yet. Like do I want to be married? Do I want to stay single? Do I want to buy a house on my own first? All of these things… I’m worried about making decisions too soon and regretting the relationship or lack therof. I probably have some avoidant traits.
5 comments
Technically you’ve just been single 4 years but yes.
Make yourself the priority, if you’re not ready that’s fine.
It doesn’t hurt to try dating. It sounds like you have a lot of fear around the process – so getting some experience can be really helpful. If you find you don’t enjoy it, then stop.
Just go for it. Be brave. You’ll never get love without a chance of getting hurt.
For what it’s worth, I think we psych ourselves out as a population in general with the idea of a “life partner”. Who knows how long any relationship will last? Even if it doesn’t go on for life, it can still be amazing and constructive and educational and exciting! I say go for what you want.
Do what feels right? You said you get too attached? You’re a loner? Im right there with you on that. Dating sucks. Dating apps suck. Just go live in the mountains by yourself, forever, never sharing a moment of your life with someone else because you get too attached.
Seems a bit silly.
You will figure it out and know when you are ready.
I think you should give it a try given you are young, once you get older you won’t be able to find the time to do the dating and then everything changes as time goes on. If you are unsure about things on dating people. It’s best you set expectations and have clear communications on the intent of the outing and how you want to start the relationship first. If you lay that out it be easier to judge and pace yourself and also understand how the other persons motives are as well.
Hope that helps.