I (25F) haven’t dated for a while, but now I think I’m done with it again. I’m probably going to sound like an ass, but I want to understand why this is happening.
The guys I have dated recently seem to act clueless, or look to the woman (me) for decisions.
One guy (30M) was just a very unlucky guy all around. It’s almost like he gave up because he was aware of this and looked to me for a lot of decisions. If we went and got food/drink he always praised what I ordered, and then always tried to order what I did. We ended up doing a lot of the things I recommended because it was always a good time.
Another guy (37M) was extremely poor at directions (even though he was an outdoorsman and loved traversing the wilderness) I constantly had to remind him of directions when driving or walking around. We went to eat sushi for a date, and he told me he has never had sushi before, so I had to choose his rolls for him. We did errands one time, I had to get cat food and he ended up buying the same dry food for his cat too. He needed a spatula, and was looking to me to decide on the $1 or $7 one, he ended up not buying either. We had gone camping, and I brought homemade oatmeal for breakfast. He looked to me again, asking if this was enough water for his oatmeal, I shrugged and said that it is up to him how he likes his oatmeal.
What is the deal? Am I making these guys nervous? Are they just trying to be nice and not come off as controlling? Where do I find the types of men that are independent and responsible (not like they haven’t lived their life as a single person too)?
I am sick of traditional gender roles in relationships. Instead of looking for the ideal man outside of me, I will look for it within myself. I will be the best man and woman I desire to be. I am tired of having to step into a man’s life and dictate it. A lot of men I meet look for a woman to “fix it”, I know that’s not true for all relationships, but this has constantly been my experience so far and I am tired of it.
16 comments
Men are walking on eggshells at the moment. I hear it everywhere.
They aren’t as comfortable anymore with taking the reigns because they’ll be viewed as toxic and misogynists. All the messaging for the past years is about respecting women’s boundaries and how women can decide for themselves. So men tend to sit back more and go along with what the women want.
just my two cents based on what i hear from my guy friends.
At that age, 30s or more, you wouldn’t expect that type of behavior.
Obviously, you have to know what you want before trying to date. Those guys obviously didn’t. They had no identity or sense of individuality. Anyone like that of any gender should be passed upon.
A lot of men are like that. They use women as a mummy which basically means you are doing an unpaid caring role which is slave labor.
Just stop doing anything for them. They will probably all try it on and try to get their clutches in.
They just don’t want to take control of their life and want someone else to make the decisions.
If you want independent men they are out there.
But consider this when these guys are on their own they have to make their own decisions anyway so don’t do it for them when you are with them.
You are 25 and although the guys you were dating were older maybe they sought a younger woman because they were not as mature as they should be?
I dunno.
A LOT of men are like this. They defer to their mother when they are single then when they get in a relationship they want another mother.
It has always been a real issue.
I agree with you that you need someone who matches your energy and is not going to be a constant drain on you for free emotional and psychological labour.
Good luck finding it , in the mean time just keep refusing to help or say I don’t know I have no idea etc ….. Hint that is what men do all the time to get out of any kind of free labour in a relationship.
men don’t dare take decisions anymore, because if we do, we are condescending towards women. he took it to some lengths yes, but mostly when out, buying anything for both of you, women must decide, cus men gets yelled at for doing it. the cat food i thought is a bit weird, but can just be random that both use the same.
I think the last paragraph says alot.
>I am sick of traditional gender roles in relationships.
And is annoyed by dating simps.
>Where do I find the types of men that are independent and responsible
What are they looking for in a woman? Most are looking for traditional female traits. Femininity, submissive, and motherly traits. All other kinks or interests come after that.
Anyway good luck.
Sounds like these guys had bad experiences in relationships before you. Many women are very controlling and want “their way” on every little thing. Advice is to keep dating there aren’t many guys like you described.
Your username is Princess Butt Kick and you come across as pretty dominant in your writing from my point of view. Maybe you are unknowingly attracting submissive guys?
> If we went and got food/drink he always praised what I ordered, and then always tried to order what I did.
It bothers you that he copied your orders at bars and restaurants? I think you’re fixating on really innocuous behavior.
It’s funny you say you’re “sick of traditional gender roles” at the end, when I’d say your problem is due to the departure from them.
The problem you’re facing is of over feminized men, incapable of taking the lead, speaking their mind, or making a decision.
I just watched a 40min YouTube video today about how some stuff in the water is dropping testosterone rates at an alarming level. (title “Avoid these chemicals taking testosterone…”)
Are two examples a trend now? One guy has never had sushi and needed guidance, so that’s considered a negative?
>homemade oatmeal
Someone asking if they are adding enough water to a homemade recipe is not being nervous.
I’m going to go out on a limb here and say that you’re quite jaded, just from the tone of this post. I would imagine that these men felt that tension in all of your interactions. Have you ever had to spend time with someone who feels like a ticking bomb? Acquiescence is usually how to proceed. Being around you sounds exhausting, because apparently the most tame behaviour is labeled by you as subservience.
I would absolutely stop dating and get some therapy. You’re giving off intensely toxic vibes.
These guys have mental issues, avoid them.
There seems to be zero way to just be a human around women today. That’s why.
Blame the feminists.
I am gonna be strait with you. Men, in the current times, live in fear. We are not simply walking on egg shells with the understanding that one wrong word, turn of phrase or inadequacy would lead to us losing a prospective relationship. Though all of that is true, we fear the reactions from women that lead to more severe damage.
Say the wrong thing and you are labeled as a bigot and sexist. Touch a woman somewhere she doesn’t want to be touched and you can be accused of sexual assault. Not having a woman’s explicit and clear declaration of concent and you are accused of forcing yourself on her. Raise your voice and you are abusive, tell a woman how to do something, order for her, hold the door and your a misogynistic bigot with zero redeeming qualities. Understand that this isn’t a dystopia view of the world. This is the view a man has to suffer every day. I cannot tell you how many times I have been accused of being despicable in one way or another for interacting with the fairer sex. From holding doors, looking at them, passing by them, speaking a simple statement to pass them or grab something from a shelf they are standing near, or sitting somewhere. It is truly heartbreaking to feel like the world’s opinion of men is so disgusting and horrid and so we must be looked at as if we are degenerate scum.
A lotta guys are clueless since the changing roles etc. have been enlisted. They are lost. many don’t know who they really are. Looking for fathers/ mothers, abandoned children. Why is their a lotta male suicides?
It would be interesting to see the trends in the men your persueing for example if your previous dudes had bad posture or were not physically fit they will be less masculine(in general for u fk tRds)/less likely to be more of a dominant stand alone type or they could be momas boys or something. It’s a proven fact we are attracted to certain types of partners subconsciously.