Me and my fiancee have been together for 9 years, at the start of our relationship at uni we had drunk sex often. In recent years probably a handful of times but my partner feels a bit uneasy about drunk sex nowadays, I think now there’s more publicity about consent etc.
I LOVE drunk sex, I’d say its my favourite, last time we did it whilst drunk he said “I don’t think we should” to which I replied “we’d be having sex tonight even if I hadn’t had a drink”
how do I convince him that we are in a consenting relationship and he isn’t taking advantage
Edit: I’m talking tipsy drunk not paralytic drunk to which I would totally understand
22 comments
Maybe he just don’t wanna have drunk sex?
I, too, love drunk sex!!!
I think what he should understand is there is a very real and very *huge* difference between sleeping with someone for the *first* time or even early into a relationship while they are intoxicated, versus sleeping with someone you’ve been with for *years* and who you know well and knows you well and is absolutely comfortable with you.
I understand why he’s a bit concerned given that it’s been talked about more lately, but it doesn’t apply to every situation. You’ve been together 9 years, and you’re consenting while sober to having sex with him while you’re drunk. It’s a non-issue.
People can develop sexual hangups. I don’t think there is a sure fire way to convince him. I’d just avoid pushing it if he has already made his stand on the matter.
This is really about giving pre-consent. Talk about it sober. Before you go out drinking have the conversation that you want to have sex with them after. Explain that you are giving explicit consent and that it is an enthusiastic yes because you trust them and want to do this.
Tell him. That simple
By law it doesn’t matter (not here anyway), you can’t give consent if you’re drunk. So even if you give consent beforehand, it would still be rape.
Maybe it’s different where you’re from. But socially speaking it’s probably the same.
I think he just doesn’t want to be accused of anything. Or feel like a rapist.
Idk how you can convince him…
Sit down and have an intense, sober conversation about sex with him. Talk about what you consent to and what *he* consents to. Just because you like it, doesn’t mean he does. So make sure that while you are accurately conveying your feelings and consent, you’re also keeping your mind open to hearing about his wants/needs/consent. Hell, set up a safe word if you like.
If he just isn’t comfortable with it then there’s not much you can do. I personally don’t like having sex with my partner if she’s drunk and I’m not. Regardless of how enthusiastic she is it doesn’t feel right.
After 9 years of living with your fiance together he doesn’t recognize anymore if you want sex or not? Maybe the issue is that you don’t usually want sex when you’re not drunk and so it looked suspicious to him? Bcs otherwise makes no sense… And to answer ur question… you can just tell him: “I like drunk sex” when you are SOBER. Should eliminate any doubts:)
From a male perspective I never have sex with someone drunk. Could be a one night stand or a long term relationship. We have too much to loose if someone use that against us.
>my partner feels a bit uneasy about drunk sex nowadays, I think now there’s more publicity about consent etc.
You’ve been together for 9 years. Log off of reddit and go talk to him.
Convince him by putting it in writing
Generally speaking you **cannot consent to sex if you are drunk**. Period.
Consent must be “freely given” under the vast majority of criminal legislation. This means you must not be pressured or making a choice under the influence of drugs or alcohol.
Your fiancé is right to be concerned and you need to seriously consider whether you should be engaging in drunk sex, if at all.
Please respect his boundaries.
Maybe you need to respect that he doesn’t like it and it makes him uncomfortable. It’s not all about you.
You show respect for this boundaries first of all. Then you talked about it.
Please write a legally binding contract or get it on video when you two discuss this to put his mind at ease. Yeah this sounds extreme but what’s when more extreme is doing jail time because some woman changed their mind. I am not saying you would, but if he is worried about that being a possibility maybe try thisZ
Only communication with him is the way to let him know how this is consenting sex and he does not need to feel bad about anything as he has your full consent. If he still feels uncomfortable then you guys should stop this as there is no other way to deal with this. You can ask him to read this post of yours and comments that this post gets so he can understand how you feel and where he may be going wrong.
Have you considered that you’re pressuring your partner to do something he’s not comfortable with? It’s not fair to him. He said he doesn’t want to and you should respect that.
Drunk sex is the best, say goodbye to any inhibitions and let your true colours shine!
I agree with the pre-consent! Let him know you want to have sex BEFORE you start drinking. Also maybe make a safe word just to be safe!
Not to mess with your self esteem, but you’re assuming the reason is consent.
Maybe he doesn’t love having sex with someone who’s drunk? Has it occurred to you that maybe you aren’t as good in bed when you’re not sober? Or that it’s not as fun for him when you’re slurring speech?
Maybe it’s not that you’re drunk, but that you are TOO drunk?
Is it just about consent, is my question.
I *hate* drunk sex. Hate it. Now that we’re in a mature and not new relationship, I would rather skip sex entirely than have it while drunk. When we were new and couldn’t keep our hands off eachother, it was different. But I’d never actively seek it now. So yeah, I’d suggest sitting down and discussing it, whether it’s about consent or more. You can either allay fears, or get to the root of the situation.
But end of the day, if they don’t want it, then that’s that. End of conversation.