I’m asking because I’d like to know if it’s ok to do so when you’re in a relationship. I know that everyone’s insecurities are their own problem to deal with, but when is a complement, not a complement, and when *does it cross the line into flirting* ? I’d like to know what the general consensus is, because I’ve gotten the wrong idea of what romantic relationships should be like due to a having a dysfunctional family and being in a traumatic relationship. Thanks.
Edit: It’s become more apparent that this is a conversation I should have had with my partner before having with a bunch of strangers on the internet, I was just trying to see what you guys believed personally.
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There is no genera consensus. Just depends what boundaries you want to set partner to partner. That’s something you guys decide together.
The “line” is going to be different for everyone, just pay attention to their response if you are worried about how they take it. But if you are in a relationship, talk to your partner about it. What you consider innocent may make them uncomfortable.
Possibly a question better suited for women to answer, but here’s my general rule I hold myself to as a man…
Don’t specialize it, don’t make it about how they look.
“That’s a great dress” ✅
“That dress looks great on you” ❌
“Your hair looks really nice like that” ✅
“I really like your hair” ❌
“You have a great sense of style” ✅
“I love the way you dress” ❌❌❌
Generally speaking, complimenting the body/ physical characteristics, looks, etc., of a person is seen as, and/or intended as flirtatious and inappropriate for someone in a monogamous relationship, a different age range, a position of power, a stranger, or a workplace setting.
Complimenting the choices that the person makes is generally appropriate.
Steer away from the persons physical being and towards their conscious choices. Keep it positive and keep it general, not overtly personal.
Obviously there’s a ton of grey area in the art of complimentation, but those are some good rules of thumb based on your question.
I basically treat others as I would wish to be treated. That means I don’t assume that anyone who is a stranger is going to be interested in me in a romantic or sexual manner. When I compliment someone, I try to keep it to a nonsexual place. I have complimented a guy’s pants before (they were a very punk kind of vibe with lots of zippers and some chains and stuff) when they were clearly a creative part of his wardrobe, but I would never say “I really like how you fill those pants out.”
If I’m going to compliment a physical characteristic of a person, it’s not going to be a sexual part of them. I’ve complimented a guy’s beard before. I would compliment a haircut. I would not, however, compliment a guy’s hands, because I’m only going to notice hands if I’m fantasizing about them on my body.
If you wouldn’t compliment your male boss (I’m assuming you’re male) in a certain way, just refrain from complimenting women in that way.
That’s a general rule of thumb just for every day life. Rules can be a bit more relaxed if you’re in a space like a club or a bar. But relax those rules SLIGHTLY. You’ll get better results with “that dress looks fantastic on you” at a bar than you would with “DAMN, BABY! That body is SMOKIN!”
A good rule of thumb is, if you wouldn’t say it in front of your partner, don’t say it at all.