When I was in second grade, I used to hate this kid with my guts. He was literally the typical pretty football player that every single girl in the class fawned over. I never had many friends even now, and I didn’t want to be called names for being close with any boys. Therefore, I always tried to avoid boys in my class like the plague to escape the wrath of the pretty popular girls.
At first, this kid was annoying as hell. Always talking and goofing off, and I remember I had a diary I would write in about how annoying my table mate (my crush) was. I would drone on and on about how aggravating he is, and he used to annoy me at all times by teasing me and talking to me about how he liked my “friend.” Anyways, for background, I always used to match with my twin sister and wear huge bows and different clips in my hair to keep it out of my face.
After recess one day in the middle of second grade, I was wearing a flower clip in my hair which was starting to aggravate me. Istg this sounds like it came straight from a book or something, but this stupid kid watched me take my hair down. He looked up at me seemingly in a daze and just says, “you’re beautiful.” My first reaction was anger. This kid I despised called me beautiful. I angrily wrote in my diary about this, and I literally thought this was a dream until I found those pages a few years ago. (Sadly, the diary pages got ruined in a recent hurricane)
After that instance, I found myself thinking about him often. I would avoid him and his pestering, but he acted like nothing had happened. Those words really touched my heart, and hearing them from such a good looking popular kid just healed my insecure little soul. Even now, when I’m upset with how I look, I think back to that moment clear as day and feel better. The fact that he doesn’t remember hurts honestly.
In fourth grade, we were put in the same class at the same table again. Boy was I happy to be sitting by my crush of almost two years, but he could care less. He has always been kind to everyone, and he still talked with me sometimes. One day, our little table group started talking about crushed they have. My crush then turns to me and tells me to start guessing who his crush is. I started guessing popular girls’s names, but he said no. I asked for a hint, and he told me that she looked like I do. My heart dropped. I thought it was me. I guessed my twin sister to be humble, but he continued to say that I was close. Then he went on by saying that she was my best friend. I guessed my twin sister again. He said no again, and he finally gave up and straight up told me. He had a crush on a girl that used me as a friend (she bullies me now lmao). She only was my “friend” because our mothers were friends, and my mom forced me to give this girl my homework every single night. My little heart shattered that day and that was when I first tried to gehe over my crush on him. He asked me to help set them up together, and I did because I liked him so much that I wanted him to be happy. They dated for a few weeks and broke it off after.
Fifth grade was the last year I spent at that school. I left because everyone left my sister and I out of everything. We were annoying as shit tbh so no wonder. Until now (junior year of high school), I’ve only seen him a few times on social media or I’m person from afar, but I still can’t get over this stupid crush. He’s genuinely kind, good-looking, honest, sweet, and I could go on for a while.
Recently, I have been going to confirmation classes with that old school of mine. I have changed drastically as well as everyone else since we aren’t children anymore. I was extremely anxious to see all of these girls that torment my nightmares. They leave me alone now, but I am terrified since even one small mistake can get me ruined. Anyways, I thought I was over my crush until he literally walked in. He had a glow up like no other istg. He’s still the same kid I knew, but we completely avoid each other. He doesn’t notice me obviously, but I catch myself glancing at him too much (I hope this doesn’t sound weird). My crush instantly resurfaced, and now it’s as strong as ever.
I literally have a confirmation meeting tomorrow where I’ll see him, and I hate it so much. Why can’t I just get over him? He doesn’t like me and never will, but I’m like a creepy little weirdo who can’t stop liking him. I’m hopeless.
4 comments
Ask him to go to a movie or something.
I went through this had a crush who never liked me back then forgot I existed. Anytime I had an intrusive thought or started thinking about them I just shut it down every time until I didn’t care anymore.
It’s not creepy to like or have an attraction to someone.
As I always say I’d rather be a weirdo than a boring normal person.
You’re amazing and don’t forget it!
You need to stop worrying about your crush and start boosting your self esteem. You put yourself down many times in this post. Clearly you don’t see your own worth. And guess what, if you have a low self image of yourself, then it will project outwards to others as well. Stop putting this guy on a pedestal. It’s fine to crush on him but you don’t actually know the guy that he is now on a personal level. You don’t know what his flaws are. And you’re so young, still in high school where boys are still maturing and not looking for anything serious. I would suggest that you start loving yourself first. You can start with surface level things like wearing clothes or a hairstyle that makes you feel more confident. Start walking into a room with more confidence too as if there is a beam of light shining down you. Bring that magnetic energy and let it radiate in your interactions in a way that people will naturally gravitate towards you (but don’t be a people pleaser). Now, cultivating this energy takes some time and means you have to be OK with putting yourself in uncomfortable situations. Start affirming to yourself everyday that you are confident, intelligent and beautiful and you’ll start to believe it. I would also recommend that you start pursuing hobbies that interest you – not only are they good conversation starters, but they also keep your mind less occupied on a crush/male validation because you’re too busy enjoying your passions and working towards a higher goal. If you take the conscious effort to embody the best version of yourself that you want to become, then you’ll find that others will naturally want to be around that too. You may find that your crush will actually start to notice you in a good way. And even if he doesn’t, it doesn’t matter because 1) you’re still improving by practicing self love: 2) once you leave high school, you’re going to find that there’s a much bigger pool of attractive men to date. Some that you may have more in common with too. I know it’s easy to romanticize the fantasy of ending up with a childhood crush – like it’s romantic and fairytale-like, but it’s not based in reality.
The truth is that no one wants to be around a downer who refers to themselves as a “creepy little weirdo”. I’m in my mid 20s and I still deal with heartbreak and rejection, but practicing self love has made me so much happier and attracted great people (platonic and non platonic) in my life. You’re too young to be worrying about what a crush thinks about you. Just be the best version of yourself and the right people will be drawn to you.
Over everything else, men are visual creatures first and formost. So, you need to make yourself as attractive as possible without seeming like you’re trying too hard. Once you’ve done this, if he still doesn’t approach you, you need to insert yourself in his friend group so you’ll be in his eye of vision. You can do this by making friends with his friends or joining clubs he’s in. Then once you’re in his eye of vision everyday, and you’ve tried your best to look as attractive as possible, he should start approaching you romantically and if he doesn’t, he’s not attracted to you. If the later is the case, create distance and distract yourself by constantly keeping your self busy in your day to day by picking up hobbies/part time job after school and try dating someone else to focus your attention on them and not him. Good luck friend and let us know how it goes.