Now I want to start off by saying I’m not just some depressed dude bc I can’t find a date, I actually have a lot in my life that I enjoy and find passion and excitement in. I’ve spent years taking care and working on my mental and physical health, I’m starting my own business and things look great in the field, I have plenty of friends and hobbies, overall my life is going great. But I still do miss being in a relationship, I miss the fun stuff like going on dates, meeting friends and family, having someone there, romance, sex, intimacy, etc. I even find myself missing the bad stuff too occasionally lol.
It’s been a little over a year of my last relationship and just from past relationships I already know it’s hard to find someone who is compatible with you, I mean there’s so many things you have to hope they resonate with you on to even see them as someone you can really be with. (At least for me bc even tho I do have plenty of friends I’d say I only have a few very close friends and it’s bc I just truly resonate and relate to them which I find hard to come by). So that’s already a challenge in itself.
Then there’s the challenge of finding a person which I don’t even know where to start on this, people say just talk to people you find attractive out in places like the store or restaurant, a cold approach with someone who you’ve never seen or talk to before? I don’t even know them idk if I like them or want to start anything with them. Idk their life or where they are in life or how they are, it just doesn’t feel right to me and I’ve almost never heard of anyone (or at least any guys) who actually have done that approach with success. And it’s especially hard to not feel weird with it when so many women today are closed off or on edge due to experiences they have had with creepy guys. Even if cold approaches work, it feels like every body my age (only 21) is in a relationship or just coming out of one or just started talking to someone.
Dating apps feel like they’re not designed for men, at least not the average guy. In fact, I’d say they can even be soul draining if you let them. Which makes sense, your one guy out of hundreds chasing either dead accounts, people trying to sell something, or just the hundredth message/like in someone’s long queue that they probably won’t ever go through bc they have no real reason to. Hell it feels like a win to even get a match or reply to a message but is quickly crushed from ghosting, unmatching, etc and if you ever do get a date out of it, it feels like a long shot for it to ever continue further and from what I’ve seen in the past from experiences and friends, often times it’s even about you, it’s just the other person was going through something or wasn’t feeling it; which is fair, I feel I should also clarify that I don’t blame anyone or think there is anything wrong with any people either, I don’t want this to look like a “I hate women” or “I hate society” or whatever type of rant bc it’s not. But anyway, I’ve even tried paying to upgrade on apps just to see if it makes a difference and yeah I’ll admit it does a little but not enough to matter really. Plus i live in the middle of nowhere so half the ppl the apps show me are in the next state over which is like a 30 min drive or living at colleges and I would assume they would prefer someone who’s also going to their college.
People always say to get out and do hobbies or join certain groups in things you’re interested in or go to more places like clubs which Ik is usually the best route to go but it’s still hard to find someone single and compatible in the ways mentioned earlier but yeah if the above is aligned then it’s possible. It never feels that simple though, that stuff takes time, sometimes years and even then there is no guarantee a good relationship is going to come out of anything, plus for me starting my own business I don’t have a lot of free time rn to find new hobbies or join current hobby groups and I’ve never really liked clubs and similar things nor am I much of a drinker.
I’ve had 3 friends try to set me up with ppl, which I always feel a bit awkward doing bc I always feel like they’re too excited for us to match when there is no guarantee that these two ppl who have never met will hit it off and if it doesn’t I don’t want that friend feeling a sort of way, and if it ends badly I don’t want it to affect any friendship. Although it hasn’t so far which is good but the first friend who set me up with someone they knew turned out kinda bad, she was the definition of don’t stick your dick in crazy and after one date I just told her I didn’t want to continue things and that was that. The next friend wanted to set me up but the more she talked about the person she wanted to set me up with the more I could tell I didn’t want it so I told her just not to set that up, then the third friend just says she really wants to set me up with someone but she only has like 2 other friends and they’re already in relationships so that’s not really helpful.
So that just leaves me here, ranting out my loneliness and expressing how I feel hopeless in this endeavor. Still working on myself, again relationships aren’t end meets all for me or anything like that, I just miss having a relationship and want one again. I feel this also stems from my life choices as well, I left college after I got my 2 year degree to go into business which most people don’t do, so I’m surrounded by friends and others my age or older who are having no issues finding people bc they’re in college surrounded by people like I never had that big of an issue meeting girls back in high school or college but now that I’m out of that, it’s hard. I’ve also heard ppl say since I run a business im talking to tons of women a day but those are my customers, I do not want to flirt with them as that directly affects my businesses reputation.
Idk it just feels hopeless, usually if I wanted something I just go out and get it, I wanted to be in shape so I spent years working on that, wanted to own my own business so I studied for it and went for it, wanted a healthier mindset and healthier circles so I spent awhile crafting those and will always be working on that stuff, but this feels like it’s out of my control, bc it kind of is and while yes I’ll keep the opportunity for a relationship open, it’s draining to be looking for one for so long and yield little result. It just feels like everything is stacked against me and the worse part is I wouldn’t even say I’m that bad looking, I’d say I’m an average looking guy if not more and personality wise I also feel im good on, I just don’t know what else to do, where to turn, or what I can do other than what I’ve been doing and just hope that something comes my way.