I’m (25F) studying abroad. Due to sudden rule change I become in a situation where I have to save up a lot of money in order to pay my tuition. My studies are already extremely difficult, I only have time to go out once in two weeks and now the idea that I have to save up so much money that I won’t be able to eat out and will have to eat at University cafeteria just stressed me out so much that I have trouble sleeping. I told my boyfriend(30M) about this whole rule change and the fact that I have to somehow find a solution to this problem. He told me that he would like if I figure out this situation on my own. That I should try everything I can, and than if can’t find a solution I can go to him. (ask for help) Which totally makes sense, don’t get me wrong
But without me even expecting I got upset over his response. I just became so cold towards him, literally if only he just said those phrases in different order I think I would be fine. He is closest person I have here and also he is the one who can lend me the money easiest out of all the people I am close to, anyway…
He told me several times how much he wants to marry me.
Until now I thought we were walking together and if I would be in danger of falling he would catch me, not let me fall. Now I feel like he will let me fall, watch me struggle to get up and only after that he will give me a hand.
What do I do?
6 comments
You should tell him how you feel right now. Don’t bottle up your emotions)
How long have you been together?
He only know you for 6 months. It’s expected that he is not that deep with you in terms of treat as a partner for life.
There are some things that happens to be true in life: We all born alone and will die alone.
Unfortunately, your finantial problem is just yours and you have to find a way to cope with it because wonder a situation where he broke with you or whatever… You would have to figure out another ways.
He don’t owe you any money.
We’re you looking for emotional support, and he refused? Or financial support?
You said you’re upset because you just wanted him to offer you comfort or emotional support in the comment….
I’m going to be completely blasé here, many people, sometimes men, when given a story of a problem (in your case: financial problem), they will think that you’re asking them for a solution.
Since your issue is money-oriented, he probably assumed that you’re discussing that with him as a prelude of you requesting money. He may not be aware you’re just venting and want a hug/emotional support. You may have to be direct about it. I mean, even I thought the way you word it in your own post, you’re mad because he’s not offering you money.
Also, you guys have only been seeing each other for 6 months. It may not turn serious at all and you’re an International student. If he does lend you money, he doesn’t know if the money will really be paid back. Heck, you can just leave the country and he can’t make you pay at all. He may not be ready for that type of commitment of possibly losing said money. In fact, he may not want to pursue the relationship long term….
But he didn’t say that he wouldn’t help you, he just said for you to look for a solution first by yourself and if you can’t find any, he will help you then.
You’ve only known this guy 6 months so it’s too early to know if he’s someone you can marry and it’s also too early for you to have a lender/borrower relationship.
That debt is going to hang over your head and change the tone of your relationship. Maybe he doesn’t have the money to lend you.
What would be your plan for getting the money if you weren’t dating? Do that instead.