So i dont think is normal and it doesnt feel right to me it makes me jealous and insecure about the relationship.. But my boyfriend who had a 6 year old toxic relationship with his ex (37F)thinks it is. He said he doesnt think romantically about her.
I will add some facts and context to why i think he is still attached to her and why is not fair to me
In december they broke up. He met me march this year.
In may i found out he has sent her emails saying he still thinks about her, loves her, how he would have wanted to marry her and how he thinks he will always love her.
In june he cheated with her. He said he was confused but the sex made him realized he loves me instead. I forgave him thinking maybe he was indeed confused.
-in august i realized he searched for her on fcb but she blocked him so he couldnt find her.
-in september..so few weeks ago. One of his friends texts him a picture of his ex with another dude and my bf wrote him back saying he feels weird she is with another guy, and that he woild want to fuck her another 9 times. He also boasted to his friend about how he fucked her up, down, one side another…
I confroted all the facts to him. Told him i dont understand how he can say he loves me while still bringing up his fucking ex. He says i have to understand it was a long relationship and that its normal she comes to her mind but its not romantic. He admited he desires her sexually tho…
I dont think it is normal so he is either confused asf and he loves both or sometimes one others the other. Or he is with me as second option or he is lying to someone in this story, perhaps even himself.
12 comments
Nope, not normal.
Not normal by any stretch of the imagination.
His gaslighting of you is also concerning.
Your bf is trash. Dump his toxic ass.
It’s not normal. He is not over her. You deserve better.
Dump him – having sex with his ex as he’s in a relationship with you is NOT OK – why let him treat you that way – you deserve a relationship with a man one on one and not have a triangle relationship with an EX…
You deserve better. He is still hung up on her.
Honestly to a certain degree it’s normal to have a few lingering feelings and occasional thoughts about exes in relationships but the passing through before slapping yourself vs what you’re bf is doing is very different and what he’s doing clearly isn’t normal. He favors his ex and no matter what you ever do you won’t be able to compete. Best to leave him at this point Becuase in his messed up thought process you’re never going to be her and he won’t be able to deal with that. You deserve better.
I hate to say it but you’re just something convenient for him so he can obsess over her.
Dump his sorry self.
He cheated with her because he still wants to be in toxic relationship with her.
He in general seems like a toxic person and he thrives off of it. So if it was me I’d tell him to go back to the toxic wasteland with her.
Dump him. His behaviour is not normal.
the fact that he almost immediately started dating again after long-term relationship says a lot. he should have some time to heal (maybe years even), finding someone else that fast can harm the other person, because you’ll be treated as something that is supposed to help him forget about her. it’s not like it always happens but I think it happened here, because he still can’t get over her. He used you, I think you should just leave him. That’s vile.
Leavem he cheated. Leave. He will cheat again. Like all liars and cheaters
*” or he is lying to someone in this story, perhaps even himself.”* I think you’ve hit the nail on the head. He’s coming out of a long term, loving relationship that he probably didn’t want to end, and it takes more that six months for him to start turning loose of his emotional attachments to his ex (ask me how I know). And, I highly doubt that he’s truly fallen in love with you at this point, although he never fails to proclaim that love, as he’s confused to some extent, about the difference between emotions and libido.
So, in truth, you are indeed his plan B, as he has yet to turn loose of his plan A, even though she’s blocked his ability to contact her. She’s obviously much further along with her emotional recovery than he is, and you should proceed in this relationship with a full understanding of the facts the situation. You need to decide quickly if this relationship is a healthy one for you given the circumstances, or whether emotionally, you need to back away until he’s fully able to emotionally connect with you.
I wish you well.