Looking to help my niece, “Storm”, who is in a very hard situation right now. I feel a bit powerless and want to help out, but I don’t want to make things worse for her either. There is a lot to break down but I’ll try to mention only what is relevant and put a TLDR at the bottom. Hopefully this post isn’t removed since Storm is one year from being an adult and I really need advice.
Around 2 weeks ago my mom called me and told me that Storm has been having suicidal thoughts and her mother (my step sister, “Red”(\`\`\`\`\`\`late 30’s)) admitted her to a mental hospital or institution. I was shocked because I saw her around 2 weeks before to go dress shopping and she was so excited. Mom was also shocked because she was there last weekend and she was all smiles. But we figured that’s depression, you never really know unless they confide in you. Mom didn’t really have all the facts, but wanted me to call Red to show my support. I call Red, she doesn’t answer but texts me back that she doesn’t feel good and will call me later. I respond no problem, I just wanted to make sure she and Storm were okay. Red never calls me back and doesn’t pick up my calls. What little information I get is from Mom, who is also having a hard time getting responses from Red. Mom did tell me that she was able to have a conference call with Storm and Red since Storm calls between a certain time. Knowing this, a couple of days later on Storm’s birthday I text Red to tell Storm happy birthday for me. Red responds that Storm calls between said and said time. I don’t reply because I don’t want to join the call. At that point I still didn’t know what I wanted to say to Storm, but whatever it was I didn’t want to say it in front of her mom.
A few days later I call because I know nothing about what is happening. The estimate time that Storm will be hospitalized keeps increasing. I want to make sure my niece is okay! Also a bit selfish of me, but my wedding is next week and I want her to be there. She seemed so excited about it and doesn’t get to go out and do things often. Since I can’t get Red to call me I decide that I’ll drive to her house 2hrs away to bring Storm presents for her missed birthday and get some real answers. I didn’t want to know what Storm did, I just wanted to know when she’ll be home so that I can talk to her. Hopefully show my support and love and give her someone to confide in. Everything else about what she did was up to her to tell me (if she ever wanted to). I’ve been where she was before so I understood how important it was to have someone who doesn’t pressure you into talking. Someone who will validate your feelings.
Yesterday I text Red to ask if me and my biological sister “Pink” (26F) can come over to drop off presents. Red says sure. My dad (Red’s step father) is currently visiting to help with the wedding. I tell him that me and Pink are going to Red’s house. I honestly thought either Mom or Pink told him about what happened. So I don’t invite him because 1) he tends to make things more dramatic and 2) Red and Dad had a falling out a couple of months ago. He didn’t know **anything** so goes into a frenzy telling me to call Red and Mom. I tell him to call them because he has a phone and I hate being the middle man. Red answers Dad’s call on the first ring whereas she has been avoiding me, Mom, and Pink. He get’s the whole story from her.
According to Red, she let Storm go to her aunt’s house (on her fathers side) as a reward for doing great in school. Because of the pandemic she has all her kids doing remote schooling. Storm was supposed to be there for 2 weeks. But on the 3rd day was caught having sex with her cousin (Age? M). Red demanded that Storm come home immediately. On Storm’s arrival home she started to claim she was raped which Red did not believe. Afterwards Storm claimed that she was having suicidal thoughts, so Red admitted her. Now Storm doesn’t want to go home because she doesn’t feel safe with Red. Storm said she has been sexually assault before, and wasn’t conformable with Red’s latest husband. Red thinks Storm is doing all of this to not face the consequences of her actions. My dad immediately sided with Red which pissed me off because he said that he won’t let Storm stay with him since she might accuse him of something. Afterwards Red finally calls me, I tell her that I over heard everything (even though my dad pretended that I wasn’t there and wasn’t going to tell me) and I just reiterate that we are still driving over to see if we can sort this out, and that if Storm needed a place to stay I have a guest room. Strom can stay as long as she wants. Also now Dad is coming with us which is not ideal.
While my dad jumped to conclusions I had to take some time to process everything. Red thinks Storm is being manipulating. I’ve grown up with my niece. I know how Red is. Red has 6 kids from 3 different men. All of those relationships were extremely toxic. Storm’s dad was a drug addict who would beat Red. I remember as a kid my parents driving 2 hours, so my dad could beat up Storm’s dad after he gave Red a black eye. Storm’s father is now in jail for murder! Red has smoked during all her pregnancies, and she always let these new toxic men in her life tell her kids what to do. The most recent one has talked down to my youngest nephew (not his son) because of his speech problem, and the second oldest (also not his son) basically saying he was dumb while I was there. I of course told him to knock it off! Don’t say those things to my nephews and he tried to justify it. After I spoke up is when Red told him to knock it off too. A couple of years ago my niece got in trouble for sending a boy nudes, and Red responded by giving her a black eye. I was so heated because **NO ONE** (dad, mom, pink) did anything to get Storm out of that situation. I walked my ass over to Red’s house (at that time Red lived with my Mom) and took my niece with me. I could only keep her for 3 days since her mom wanted her back. So regardless of what happened consensual of not (and I’m not believing anything until I hear it from my niece) I understand why she doesn’t want to go home.
I cried last night because I was thinking about how alone my niece must feel. Institutionalized with no one she knows to hug. Only being able to talk to her toxic mom and the people she let’s her talk to. I just want to help her but I don’t know how. This morning I thought about emancipation so that she could just live with me. But I don’t know how to do it and I don’t know if my family will flip upside down. Especially with the wedding being next week, I don’t think it will be a good idea to put us all in the same room together if I seek this out. There are also her 5 other siblings that I worry about but I can’t support them all, especially my youngest niece(7). I can’t imagine her going through all the things Strom did.
TLDR: Step sister has been very vague about my nieces admittance to a mental institution. My biological dad got my step sister to come clean about why my niece was admitted. She says it’s because she is manipulating everyone so that she doesn’t have to face the consequences of **claiming** that her cousin raped her since what they did was consensual. Niece doesn’t feel safe going back home and consensual or not I want to help her in anyway I can.
5 comments
This going to sound harsh, but being an Aunt is easy. You get to pick and choose when you want to be involved in problems.
If you’re going to try to convince r this child to emancipate herself, you need to adopt her and you need to be prepared to take on 100% of her care and deal with 100% of her issues, as well as 100% of the family drama that is to follow. You don’t get to pick and choose anymore. You’re all in – 100% all the time.
Otherwise, you’re just being a nosey aunt.
OP, when is your niece going to turn 18? is possible by the time it’s resolved, she will already be a legal adult.
I don’t know much about the process but maybe the best thing you can do right now is talk to a family lawyer.
Emancipation is a difficult process that has a high bar. If she is 18 she will likely be out of this situation before an emancipation process could be completed.
It’s sounds like right now there’s a lot “he said, she said” going on.
You’ve not expressed any concern for the safety of Reds other 5 children, and if you’re so worried about Storm to the point that you think she needs to completely cut her mother out and come live with you, why is it you’re not seeking custody of them?
If the institution that your niece is staying at has extended her stay, then I would imagine they’ve done so for a reason, it’s likely they can see that she isn’t well and needs the continued support. It’s sounds like either way you niece has been through a hell of a lot through her life and it’s a shame there wasn’t intervention done a hell of a lot sooner this.
Honestly it’s just sounds like she’s been let down continuously and other adults have failed to step up. (I appreciate you’re young yourself) and it’s sounds like Red has had an incredibly difficult time herself with 6 children and so many abusive relationships.
Show Storm you love her, and you’re there to support her, but don’t put pressure on her, don’t do anything that’s going to cause further friction in the family that’s not what’s going to be helpful. – she’ll be supported where she is now to make a decision that when she leaves best suits her needs.
They don’t lock people in mental institutions for being manipulative, so that’s not the official reason she’s in. It’s probably because she threatened suicide? If she did that, regardless of how awful Red is (and she does sound awful), your niece needs the help she’s getting. She’s probably in a better place in the hospital than she was with her mom. At least she’s away from her toxic mother and getting counseling.