so i was in a crappy relationship of on/off that involved moving, failed engagement, all kinds of drama. I finally broke it off a couple of months ago for obvious incompatibility and moved on dating someone new and taking care of myself and family. But i still get breadcrumb texts from the ex that seems “super sad” and she doesnt know how to “get over this anytime soon”. I want to just block her, but cant until she gets her stuff in 2 weeks because she lives across the country and im moving anyways so id rather her get her stuff peacefully instead of me tossing it (like 2 garages worth of stuff, cant ship it).
The issue:
I catch myself missing her, but i stand firm by not sending anything like “i miss you” or implying that i want to be together. Last night she sent me pics of us happy again, and it made me feel bad. So i sent her a pic of me outdoors and smiling and she sent “glad your happy and your just moving on and doing whatever”. I was like WTF lol, this is one of the reasons we broke up in my opinion lol.
Now the bigger issue is that i think of her while im with the new gf im seeing. The new gf is great and super sweet, but i catch myself comparing her to my ex in my head and thinking of her…. its not fair for the new gf, but im keeping all that to myself and she seems really happy in our relationship.
TLDR:
How do i not feel bad about initiating the breakup? was her last text a means of manipulation as i have it in my head , or do missing her and answering her breadcrumbs actually mean my head is still with her?
5 comments
Yes she’s being manipulative. Stop replying.
First, mute notices from her. Second, unless her text is about getting her stuff, IGNORE IT. Period. She’s your ex. Giving any message unrelated to her stuff weight by giving a response is disrespectful to your current girlfriend. So stop responding.
Yes, she is being manipulative. Yes, she is messing with you. Is it intentional? Who knows and who cares. It’s time to leave her in the past and focus more on your new relationship.
Oh, and when the ex comes to get her stuff, make sure your new girlfriend is there with you before the ex shows up. You don’t want any rumors of impropriety to pop up later. Having your current girlfriend with you will show your ex that you are truly done AND show your current girlfriend that you trust her to have your back.
You still feel bad about the breakup, because she is still guilting you into feeling sorry for her. The sooner you can break off all contact with your ex, the sooner you probably WILL be able to move on completely. Would it be possible to drop off all her stuff with a mutual friend or one of her family members, so you can block her sooner?
She’s your ex now, and it’s not your responsibility – heck, it’s no longer any of your business – to help her get past your breakup. Honestly I thought you sending her back a pic of yourself standing alone outdoors, obviously happy to be single again, was brilliant.
And speaking of being single…I agree that you are not being fair to your current GF if you are still having constant thoughts of your ex, and comparing the two of them. Your GF is happy because she thinks you are all-in as her new partner, while in fact you are part in and part out. You probably committed to this new relationship too soon after your breakup with the ex. Immediately recoupling can often lead to this kind of rebound effect.
If all of this sweet nostalgia for your ex doesn’t fade rapidly when you finally do go no-contact with her, the honest thing to do is to confess your ambivalent feelings to your new GF. Tell her that you truly think she’s special and you want to continue to date her, but you’ve realized that you’re not yet completely over your ex. Your current GF deserves to know your true feelings, so she can assess the risks and decide for herself whether it’s worth it to keep dating.
Is your current gf aware of all of this? Because it actually sound like she’s a rebound. She may not be interested in being used to “get over” your ex.
What is the reason to break up if you are going to let her bring more drama anyway? Block everything, burne all physical memories, delete all digital trails..like emails and pichtures. Do it for you.