Me and my boyfriend are currently in limbo. He told me he wanted space to figure out what he wants long term. He is planning on seeing a therapist to work things out. One of the reasons he feels unsure about his future with me is that he can’t see having a kid with me. I personally am on the fence about having kids, and whether or not he wants one would be my deciding factor. I also feel very young right now to think about raising a kid. He says he still loves me and could see himself marrying me, he is just unsure about starting a family with me. Has anyone ever experienced this with a partner? It’s hard for me to understand the logic behind it since he still loves me and wants things to work out between us.
TL;DR My boyfriend loves me, he just doesn’t see us having a kid together. Have you ever experienced something like this?
6 comments
That seems reasonable. I would not recommend somebody have kids with you either. On the fence about having kids isn’t good enough. I do not think anyone should have a child unless it is something they very much actively want. So, if he wants kids, I think you two should break up. But if he can be happy not having kids, then you two can stay together and be happily childfree together.
Kids, are 20+ year projects.
Relationship/marriage, can be broken up and done within a year or two.
BIG DIFFERENCE in committment level.
He isn’t sure he wants to be a father, and he doesn’t see it in his future. That doesn’t mean he doesn’t love you and want to marry you. Being a husband and father (wife and mother) are completely separate roles.
(Also, when you get married, that starts your family. You don’t need to have kids to be “start a family” or “be a family.”)
>I personally am on the fence about having kids, and whether or not he wants one would be my deciding factor.
So… it shouldn’t be. Children are a massive commitment, and not one you should make at the behest of anyone else. Make that decision for yourself and then make it part of what you look for in a partner.
>My (25f) bf (26) says he can’t see having kids with me
Then he better stop having sex with you, because otherwise it’s a game of Russian Roulette.
Why doesn’t he want to have kids with you? Is it because you’re on the fence?