So for the first time in like a decade I finally feel like I’ve made some really good friends. We’re a group of all couples and my husband and I are particularly close to one couple that we hangout with often almost on a nightly basis. The problem is that the guy in this couple is very… I guess you can say friendly… especially when he drinks. He gets super touchy feely… giving everyone hugs and shoulder rubs (guys and girls) but and at least with me it definitely feels like he gets flirty at points… no he definitely gets flirty. He’ll grab my waist at points and always find an excuse to put his arm around my shoulder when we’re hanging out. The most obvious example of his flirtation is we were all drinking and I turned around and almost walked into him (I didn’t see him) and he told me “oops I almost kissed you, that’s alright your friendly and I’m tipsy so it’s bound to happen at some point”
I’m not sure how to deal with this. He and his girlfriend are really good friends with us and we really enjoy each others company. And again it’s only when he’s drinking, he doesn’t do any of this stuff sober. He’s also just generally a friendly guy to everyone too. He’s easily the most extroverted one in the group, always inviting people over, always introducing us to new people, always hugging everyone…. So I don’t know if I’m just not used to being touched in a non sexual/flirtatious way?
4 comments
The first and probably the most obvious thing to do is to tell him how uncomfortable you feel with him touching you, it’s probably best if someone else is there too like your boyfriend along with his girlfriend.
Being drunk isn’t an excuse in this situation
If you’re close friends, ask his girlfriend in a polite, nice way whether he is like that with everyone maybe.
Other than that, it helps if you can come up with appropriate, friendly but firm phrasings for when it happens. “Greg, nuh-uh! Looky, no touchy!” or something, but adjust this to suit your particular tone and relationship with the two.
Edit: It’s also possible (albeit not likely I guess, but you know better than I) that they want to swing and it’s his task to find out if you guys are down for it. But hey, just a guess. Unlikely but possible.
You can make this really simple and non-confrontatious by making it about you. You can say, that you don’t like to be touched and that it makes you uncomfortable. Your husband being the exception.
Make sure many people hear this, so from now on they will have an eye on him and can see your reaction when he touches you. Telling him off.
Tell his wife everything you just said to us and also never hang out with him again. Him touching you is only a sexual way, speaking as a man. Also tell your husband too and don’t drink or be with men that touch you in a way you find too much. You can easily tell.