Hey reddit, I’m a 23 year old girl.
I’ve always been able to talk with people and I rarely got into awkward situations before.
I took acid, smoked weed and was social when high for example, also social sober ofcourse.
But it has changed ALOT out of nowhere.
I started getting into my head some time ago, and it’s led my brain into this thinking pattern of believing that everything is SO awkward and I get these anxiety rushes in my chest that last 1 second all the time.
I’m even overthinking getting into a car with my mom or my grandfather because I’m so scared of it being quiet and awkward.
Which is insane, since I’ve never thought of that before.
Just writing this brings me to tears because I can’t get out from this fucking prison my mind has put me in.
I’m scared to talk with new people, I haven’t had sex for long since I’m scared of conversation and I feel myself becoming this person that I don’t recognize.
I can’t for the life of me smoke weed anymore with people since it elevates my fear even more.
And I feel that my awkward energy makes everyone around me awkward too.
For instance:
I was at a rave and I took molly, which then it’s all good, I’m happy, nothing is awkward.
And I was sitting in the grass talking with a person, but when the molly started to leave my body it became like this energy of awkwardness and this person felt that and got so fucking awkward too.
So it’s like I’m ruining others energy by being this freaked out.
Also, it’s even giving me anxiety watching youtube videos with interviews because I’m convinced they feel awkward but when I read comments, everyone is saying how easygoing they are.
So it feels like my brain is making this up?
Does anybody else have this problem? Because it feels like next level extreme.
This part of me knows that it’s all projection and I’m creating my own reality in a way, but I don’t know how to get out of this.
I’m desperate and it’s become the main issue in my life.
Please help 🙁
1 comment
I tootally understand what you mean.
I have been diagnosed eith hf autism as a kid, always been the quiet one but I was okay with it until I did acid at 19, still fine but then I smoked (lots of) weed on it and did it again probably about 20 times on up to 300ugs.
Then I stopped smoking weed and doing acid cuz weed started making me more and more anxious, after 2 years I simply accepted it, “fuck it then I will be the quiet guy”.
Now I am much more at ease with myself, I also am able to do psychedelics again without freaking out, no matter the dose I am cool on shrooms, dmt, whatever.
But it takes time, don’t try changing your situation, you can’t force being talkative or happy, just be there and accept yourself including your flaws.
And keep yourself away from the lettuce! I smoked daily for 3years, coming off made life alot more enjoyable. My best friend also stopped half a year ago, be the good influence.