A little bit of a backstory here.
My girlfriend was born with a penis just like me. We started dating a few months ago, and I wanted to have sex. But she is refusing because she is afraid.
She said she is afraid of what I will think of her. She gets very sad sometimes and I don’t know how to comfort her.
And there’s another problem. Even though I’m ready to have sex, I don’t actually know how to show love to her penis. I’m not skilled at handjobs, touching etc. because she is my first partner with a penis. I told her about that and she became more sad and insecure.
I really don’t know what to do. I want to make her feel confident and loved in her beautiful body. I want to do what feels right for her. I want to learn handjobs or prostate massage or something. Anything.
Just tell me how I can make her safe enough to want sex and what techniques I need to use to please her.
Thanks.
TL; DR My girlfriend is insecure about her penis and is afraid of sex. And I don’t know how to physically please a partner with a penis because she is my first. Tell me how I can make her comfortable with her own penis and how I can please it. Thanks.
5 comments
As for techniques, you have a penis too, so you should have a pretty good idea of some general things you enjoy partners doing to yours. You can start there when it comes to pleasing her, and you should ask if there’s anything she wants you to do differently that would be more pleasurable for her.
She’s not ready for sex with you right now, but just keep reassuring her that you love her body and that she has absolutely nothing to worry about. She’ll get more comfortable with you with time. Be patient with her and don’t push her into anything.
You don’t know what feels good on your penis? I would expect an 18yo to be an expert in pleasuring himself, so you do the same things you like on her penis.
Do to her what you enjoy doing to yours. At least start there. From there you can see what she likes and what she doesn’t like. Chances are she won’t like everything you like. It doesn’t have to be quick. Learning these things often takes time and communication!
Your girlfriend **may** suffer from a combination of body dysmorphia [https://www.nhs.uk/mental-health/conditions/body-dysmorphia/](https://www.nhs.uk/mental-health/conditions/body-dysmorphia/#) and gender dysphoria [https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/gender-dysphoria/](https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/gender-dysphoria/) I emphasized the word **may** because I’m not a clinician.
If this is the case then you need to talk with her about how she’d like to have sex with you. She might not want you to touch your penis because she doesn’t want to have a penis. You might want to start with some outercourse where you don’t touch her penis. [https://www.plannedparenthood.org/learn/birth-control/abstinence-and-outercourse](https://www.plannedparenthood.org/learn/birth-control/abstinence-and-outercourse) You could also use an LED nightlight to have sex with the light turned down low.
I can only give you ideas of things that you could try. The best thing that you can do is to talk with her about what she’d like to try. You could even start by asking her if she wants to do anything sexual with you. There’s no rule that says that you must give her sexual pleasure. The only rule is that you should consent to any sex that you do have.
If you would compliment her, do not compliment a certain body part because that could easily cause even more caution towards that area. Compliment her as all of her and she might feel more special.