I know I’m not supposed to ask what to say and just “go with the flow” I just don’t understand the “flow”. So “Hi I’m X what’s your name?” and then what between the loud music and the people rubbing up on you. I genuinely want to have fun and not feel stressed talking to girls at the club or generally cold approaching but I overthink it and I fuck it up. Here’s an example from recent:
Me: “Hey I’m X what’s your name?”.
Her: “I’m Y, I’ve seen you in class before”
Me: “Oh yeah me too, where you from?”
Her: “I’m from Z”
Me: “Nice”. And then an awkward silence for like 3 minutes.
then I go in with a : “how long have you been in town for” she answers but it’s obvious she has smelled my awkwardness.
It’s so fucking annoying because I know when I am comfortable or in my element I am charismatic as fuck, but being in a new environment just fucks me up socially
2 comments
Something I am curious about, if you know where you are charismatic and where you aren’t, why is the club important to you?
She says where she is from. If you can think of something to say or ask about that location, that’s good. If not, then don’t wait 3 minutes to ask when she moved ‘here.’ You keep either asking kind of generic questions or offering kind of generic related information about yourself, until you find some interesting tangent to follow. If you never move beyond generic commentary that’s not ideal, but there’s no harm in spending extra time there as long as a more spontaneous conversation grows from it eventually.