My gf and I have been dating for over a year now. things obviously started out great but a few months in she started spiralling into a depression anxious hole. she often has panic attacks to the point of passing out, is often very in her own head and unavailable to talk, and has also moved into my apartment without prior discussion. it’s often very difficult to support her and I’m struggling to find ways to support her. she promised me back in September 2021 that she would go to therapy, and earlier this year recognised how her mental health has been affecting me. but even after constant gentle reminders (because that’s all she seems to be able to handle) she still hasn’t gone to therapy. It’s starting to get to a point where it’s really affecting me. the other night she slapped my arm quite hard in an intense moment of anger and said she hated me. I try so so so hard to be a good partner and have made so many sacrifices and have given my absolute all to this girl but now when I look to the future I worry about whether I’ll have be involuntary caregiver forever. I love her so so much and want nothing but to see her take care of herself and to fourish. I don’t know what to do or if my time in the relationship has passed.
3 comments
Your partner is exhibiting patterns of escalating abuse. She has already hit you and apparently has no control over her temper. In addition, she forced herself into your home and has broken multiple promises she made to you, promises based on necessities for your mental health and safety.
This goes beyond you needing to realize it isn’t your responsibility to help her. At this point, YOU need help getting away from her and the danger she poses.
It sounds like you have a teenaged daughter, not a GF.
She is abusive. Moving into your house without asking, slapping you, forcing you to take the burden of her emotions. All abusive. The sooner you can get out, the better. She is a dark hole and she will drag you down.
I think many abusive people don’t intend to be abusive. A lot of them struggle with their mental health. But the moment you start making your mental health issues your partner’s problem, things get dicey.
Imagine what it would be like to be with someone who builds you up and helps you become a better version of yourself. This girl is not it, unfortunately, and the best thing you can do for her is to break up with her. Her mental health won’t get better if she feels like she can keep using you as a crutch.