Okay, to explain the first bit, my partner [27F] and I [27M] have been dating and living together for two and a half years. Very happy relationship, good sex when we have it (which is less than how often I used to masturbate but tbh I was a sad lonely man, so, figures). I have, a couple of times, attempted to bring up the fact that I would like to be more adventurous in bed.
She, despite being ludicrously gorgeous, is quite ‘English’ about sex – by which I mean it is something she gets embarrassed talking about, particularly when she is talking about her own preferences, the classic English approach of having opinions but not wanting to speak about them due to fear/taboo. (The one sure-fire way to know she is horny is if she starts embarrassment-giggling, which I always think is hella cute).
I, on the other hand, was single for An. Long. Time. before we met, so I have explored a lot of my own sexual fantasies/preferences and know what I like. The biggest one I would like to share with her is anal. I like it in the backdoor, it feels great, her pegging me would probably result in my untimely death in a haze of orgasmic pleasure.
When I have brought it up before, I have always underlined that I want her to feel great, and for her to explore and have more fun than we already do, while I mention other fetishes of mine (such as her wearing tights, which she knows about and has semi-embraced in the sense that if she wears a skirt, it’s go time). But every time I ask her to open up, she clams up, says ‘i don’t know’ and we don’t speak of it again. (For context, she has always struggled with communication and being open and vulnerable. She’s ultimately a people pleaser who puts others ahead of herself, often to her detriment. Yes, she’s getting help with that, among other issues).
As I said, I want her to share what turns her on beyond what I already know so I can maximise her pleasure and also for us to explore fun things that I, through too much masturbation, know I like, and find out she likes it too (yay!) or not (fine, sex is still fun).
Advice much appreciated
8 comments
Tell her to turn her head and think of England.
>’English’ about sex
Have you ever been to England? You know we teach ten year olds about sex in schools? We have no fear talking about sex.
Ask her when you’re doing foreplay
Get her to write it or ask her in messages so it’s not face to face get her to look at pics and send them to you. Or ask. Stranger to speak to her and they can pass on the info
So first, her being able to communicate about sex is a skill she needs to learn to some degree, because pegging is a sexual activity that requires good communication, and ideally an ease in communication. Source: I’ve been teaching about pegging for 12 years. To do pegging without good communication in bed is asking for trouble.
One way to develop more communication about sex is to do a kind of debrief the morning after sex. Talk about what you liked the best, what you didn’t like (if anything), what you’d like more/less of next time. Maybe what you’d like to try that’s different (small steps with this one). Then ask her the same questions. Explain to her that your goal is that you learn more and more about each other’s sexual desires so that you have the best sex life ever! Be playful, not expectant or demanding. And while all this is happening, be the very best partner you can be, in and out of the bedroom. Do your best to make her *happy.*
Earlier in my life I had that same sort of paralyzing fear of asking for what I wanted in bed. It felt nigh impossible to just open my mouth and ask for sexual things, even just to talk about sex. There is no way around that but through, and it gets easier with practice. That’s the good news.
Then, once you are ready to move forward with pegging…
Everyone has the right to decide what they do and don’t want to do in bed. But sometimes fears and misconceptions around Pegging can get in the way of responding rather than reacting to those myths and assumptions.
For this reason I am a fan of having accurate information before the final decision is made. In that spirit, I recorded this podcast.
• Givers: https://peggingparadise.com/blog/2015/09/podcast-112-for-the-ladies/
This recording addresses all the usual fears and misconceptions, offers accurate information and emphasizes the relationship, not trying to convince. You need to listen to it first before playing it for your partner, because only you can decide if it is appropriate for them. So far, these podcasts have gotten rave reviews.
And when you get that far – I teach free webinars all about pegging, too. Education is empowering, can calm fears, inspire and help avoid injury.
This really turned my head because I know so many full on freaks from England hahaha
Try using an app like Spicer which proposes a bunch of things which you can like/dislike .
Now you got me scared! I’m traveling to England this weekend to see back a summer holiday fling (we just kissed a bit but seemed eager for more), so i don’t know what to expect now, lol