My partner (21N) and I (19M) have been in a long distance relationship for a little over 2 months now. We’ve known each other for over a year though and I confessed to them with a very happy response and reciprocation. We talked for hours for the first month, but we both hit our personal bumps in the road as we both have anxiety and I show an alarming amount of bpd/bipolar symptoms, which I am not medicated for, but I am medicated for anxiety now. I had many bad episodes along the way and this bled into me avoiding my partner because I felt like they were only humoring me by being in a relationship with me. Also I’ve confided in them a lot and shared that I have an extreme fear of abandonment and rejection, so they are aware of this and told me they feel the same often. However it feels like recently, they don’t help me feel much better about my anxiety. I get reconciliation when I’m probed about it or I vent to them first, but I hate doing that. I feel like I’m putting too much baggage on them. But it still hurts when they say things like “I hope we’ll still be friends forever if things don’t turn out well” and don’t always text me back soon. They rarely even ask if I’m free to do anything with them now, which means a lot to me because I’ve been in extreme distress over being left out and ignored lately. Today was when my package arrived to them and they opened it sometime when I was at class, and while it seems like they like it, they still kept commenting that they don’t deserve it. No matter how much I playfully or seriously told them that they were worth it, they pushed that away and said that they didn’t need or want anything else from me besides me just being here. Maybe I’m overthinking it, but it feels like they’re increasingly getting apathetic and are way less interested in me now than I am. I feel like the clingy and obsessed one just for wanting to do things as a couple, something that they said we don’t do enough. I don’t know anymore if they’re self deprecating or just not reciprocating my feelings anymore. But again, my anxiety gets triggered over very small things like this, and I have reason to believe that this is my own mental issue to work on. This is open to neurotypical users but I would greatly appreciate responses from other people with anxiety that feel the same often. I know that this seems silly for such a short relationship, but it’s how I feel.
TL;DR: my partner is sending a lot of signs that they might be losing their feelings for me. Am I overreacting because of anxiety or does this seem genuine?
2 comments
Sounds like she might be preparing you for a breakup so now is a good time to talk about and try to fix any issues she feels like exist in the relationship and if you don’t plan on staying friends in the case of a breakup make sure she knows that beforehand
It really sounds like you both need to focus on yourselves right now. Your partner clearly has self-esteem issues that need work, and those can both hurt them and sabotage relationships. You clearly have anxiety and abandonment issues to work on. If you can get dialectical behavior therapy, I would strongly recommend it. It should help with anxiety and emotional regulation more generally. This relationship may or may not work out, it’s long distance and very new and you both have mental health issues to work on, so it doesn’t have great odds. But it shouldn’t be your focus either way. You will be better off long-term if your focus is your mental health. It also will probably give your relationship a better chance too, but it does still have a lot stacked against it.