How important is your wife’s weight to you?

30 comments

1. If you’re indifferent about your wifes weight, you don’t really care about her. Obesity has a direct bearing upon health, as much as any fat tiktok users want to deny it. Likewise, physical attraction is a component of romantic relationships (as is hygiene & grooming). If you fundamentally don’t care if your wife remains attractive to you – then I’d be curious why?

2. I mean my wife is over 300 and I love her with all my heart and she’s my best friend, but it’s a big sexual turn-off.

3. I’m into athletic women so it’d be a turnoff, I also hold myself to the same standard though

4. It isn’t to me. But I will admit that I like women with shape and jiggle, so I have a bias. My wife gained nearly 30 pounds of stress weight as our wedding approached and honestly she never got less beautiful to me. After the wedding she also returned to her more natural size. At no point has she been unattractive to me.

5. Appearance and health metrics over weight as a standalone for me.

6. Weight in itself doesn’t mean much. Me, I’m into think/athletic women, so I guess it becomes a concern when it can have an impact on physical/sexual attraction.

   The love will always be there, but the physical aspect can vary. I think it’s healthy for a relationship to, where possible, stay on top of looks and weight to keep the spark there…

7. Not letting yourself go is important, this goes for both not just one. It’s a fact of life that disregarding your health is not healthy. Plus it’s a turn off for the other

8. After almost 20 years, not so much. I still see her as when we 1st met. As long as she’s happy and healthy and by my side when we’re in our 80’s sitting in our rocking chairs on the front porch, I’m good.

9. Married 27 years.

   My wife kept herself in pretty good shape. Gained after kids of course, but is pretty much back with just 10 extra pounds.

   After both births, At most she was 25 pounds over. Never obese.

   I still found her sexy as hell.

   I know other husbands whose wife became obese and stayed there. They’re not happy about it.

10. My girlfriend and I have been together for 5 years now. In those 5 years, we have both gained some weight. I have gained probably 8 kg, she 10 to 12 kg. I’m quite tall (2 meters to be exact) so it’s not really noticeable. My girlfriend is small (1.65 meters) so it’s more visible.

    I don’t mind that she has gained some weight and I love her anyway. If she wants to lose weight that’s fine with me. I just don’t want her to become insecure because of her weight.

    If I notice it getting out of hand, I intervene. What I mean by that is if I see that her health is declining because of her weight or she is feeling insecure.

11. Its important both for attraction and health and my hobbies would be harder for her to participate with me

12. Naturally I want her to stay healthy. Attraction is also vital to keeping a marriage healthy.

    Weight is a factor in both of those things. It’s not a factor I can really quantify. Sure, I could read some stats on BMI and relative risk of x and y or imagine my wife being 50lbs heavier or lighter. But, meh, not a useful exercise.

13. A lot, I worry about her health. Everytime I see her struggling I ask her to come with me to the gym. As someone who struggled with obesity is not fun to be prisoner of your own body.

14. As long as she is in the healthy range (not anorexic nor morbidly obese), and she is happy with how she looks, weight matters not.

    What I worry about is that with her health issues she is sedentary most of the time, and as such is weak as a kitten. She only weighs 108 pounds, but not nearly enough of that is muscle.

15. We both gained weight since the wedding. We probably need to lose some to stay healthy, but other than that I don’t care about weight that much.

16. Wife and I have been together 40 years. She is 5’8 or 9ish. When we met she was 115 lbs. So yes, very thin. 3 kids later she got near the 200 lb mark. I still couldn’t keep my hands off her. She is so beautiful. We both decided to get a personal trainer and she dropped 20 lbs and is shooting for 20 more. I don’t care if she is 115, 150 or 200, she is the love of my life.

17. My SO (34F) basically doubled in weight over a 6 year period. She was a skinny athletic type when we got together. I (37M) am athletic and have weighed within 8 to 10 lbs most of my adult life – 6′-2″ 178lbs. I’ve completely lost all physical attraction now but it started fading rapidly years ago when she started to become heavier and just let herself go. Its eating me alive on the inside.

18. My wife’s put on some weight since she gave birth but my god is she still the most beautiful woman I’ve ever met

19. My fiancé has gained 42lbs since we have been together and honestly it’s a problem for me, being attracted to your partner is important and if you’re not attracted to overweight people then… Well, that’s that.

20. Very important, a lot of the things I like doing are active. Backpacking, climbing, biking. If she can’t keep up then that’s a problem. Bad sex would only be a small part of the issue.

21. I think one thing that has made my parents last almost 40 years now is that they are not afraid of communicating that they are losing physical attraction to the other person. I have heard my mom call out my dad for getting big and vice versa. Neither of them takes offense to it, and instead they actually put in the effort to make themselves stay attractive to one another. This is honestly now my benchmark for what constitutes as “good communication”. If I cannot communicate to my SO that I am losing attraction to her because she started letting herself go (and vice versa), then I am not sure that is a relationship I would want to stay in.

22. Ex wife gained 60 pounds during pregnancy and took a couple of years to lose 40 of it. I found her extremely attractive during pregnancy. She always had problems with her weight fluctuating and would be very self conscious. She wouldn’t dress up in short dresses or other sexy outfits like she did when skinny.
    So I still can’t be sure her weight was the unattractive thing because I liked it during pregnancy. Her lack of comfort with her own body and lack of confidence was definitely a turn off though.
    Women always mention confidence as a turn on but I don’t know if they realize it’s a big turn on for men also.

23. my wife and i have both gained weight as we’ve gotten older, and she’s had a kid, too! i don’t love her any less, but i do worry for the both of us with respect to health and ability to maintain our active lifestyle.

    I’m also not a huge fan of having to buy new clothes as we can’t fit into our existing ones. my clothing is more forgiving than my wife’s, and that makes her feel self conscious.

24. Really depends on the context. Generally, 10-20 pounds wouldn’t be much of an issue at all. But if my hypothetical wife became clinically obese that would be a problem, but for more reasons that just attraction.

    I like to eat healthy, if she gained significant weight, chances are our diets wouldn’t align and we generally wouldn’t be eating the same meals together anymore. I like to stay fit, go skiing, snowboarding, rock climbing, backpacking, hiking etc, those adventures would suddenly be done solo. Effectively everything I want in my partner wouldn’t be there anymore

25. I believe in life long healthy lifestyle and working out until my last day on earth, so a heavy woman that is not doing anything to fix that would be a no go and a total deal breaker to me.

26. She worries about her weight, but I don’t. To my eyes I can see she has more belly fat than before but nothing I’d ever even mention. She tells me if she gains or loses five pounds, and I just say, “Oh, good luck!” or “Oh, great!” or tell her she is ridiculous by joking, “Oh, how could you, what a travesty, I must divorce you instantly and marry a straw!” It doesn’t make her any less attractive – She just has the cutest face!

    My ideas about weight are complicated though. I worried about my weight a lot when I was young, so that made me anxious about ever being found attractive. I am sure that my anxiety about my own attractiveness and my association of that with my weight shaped who I tended to find attractive – I was usually drawn more often to thinner types rather than curvier types. But it was never like a rule or anything. And I can say that it never made a difference in terms of whether a woman can be a wonderful partner, a great lover, someone you admire and feel grateful to have in your life, or anything like that.

    Weight makes less of a difference to me now in who I find attractive both because “we are all older” but also because I have a different view on what weight means for myself and my own feelings of self-worth, and therefore for my partner or just someone who catches my eye as fun to dream about. Not saying it would make no difference if starting out fresh and, I don’t know, picking women from a lineup! But in the real world, meeting people, I find I am charmed by a wider range of shapes and sizes now.

27. Sexual attraction is a top requirement for me (currently in my life it may change later)

    That being said I’m not attracted to bbw. I understand that life happens, but if you’re not exercising and attempting to be at a healthy weight then I’m gonna go.

    Second part of that is there are a lot of health complications to being overweight. Cardio, pulmonary, liver function, cholesterol, mental health, and many more. I want you to take care of yourself so we can be happy and healthy together for a long time.

    I want someone who can take care of themselves

28. Your body is the house you live in every second of your life. Take care of it. Fix things which need to be fixed (go to the doctor if something is out of the ordinary). Take actions to prevent harm from outside (wear sunscreen, don‘t be too lazy, eating unhealthy food should not be the standard). Nothing is worse than beeing in constant pain or being sick. You only learn that lesson once your health is gone.

29. I used to think it was super important for my wife to be fit and active and conventionally attractive. She got really sick a year after we got married and the medical treatment that keeps her alive caused her activity level go from training for a triathlon to water aerobics and easily brought her weight to double what it was over a year of treatment. I still thought she was gorgeous and loved her all the same, but it did change some logistical things (and very many in a bad way).

    As soon as she was able to get moving again, she did. She watched what she ate, moved her body as much as she could, and measured everything. She was at it like a squirrel with a slice for over a year. She did not drop a pound and her body was worn ragged and she spent most of her time depressed and feeling like a failure.

    Finally I said “Fuck it” and asked her to stop. I told her the truth which is that I was happy for her to be alive but heart broken to watch her stop being able to enjoy living. That was…five years ago now? And she’s still fat and she’s still active and she’s still more fit than me and she’s gorgeous and she’s funny and she’s smiling all the time and she’s mine.

    So, I don’t give a fuck anymore.

30. My wife’s weight is only important to me so long as it’s not adversely affecting her health.