Can’t express myself to girl, extreme frustration

Hi, I’m 21 and met this girl like a year ago now. We have a really weird bond in that we tend to communicate in bursts, so one month we hang out multiple times and text, the others we don’t talk at all. I’m most likely a lil autistic (she’s told me she thinks she has it too. I always notice myself idealizing her and kind of getting obsessed in an unhealthy way. I really like her and feel like we’re the ideal match.

She’s even more uncommunicative than me (which is rare.) We hang out some times and I feel like she has given me extreme mixed signals. I feel like I put myself in the ‘friend zone’ and don’t know how to act or what to do to get out of that. Since I’m also not that good at reading between the lines, and don’t know how to break the ‘touch barrier’ since it’s hard to know/understand what she feels without clearly stating things.

I’ve cut contact multiple times bc I thought ‘it’s better to just not be friends if I want more than that, would also be unfair to her.’ But when I withdraw she doubles down and keeps texting me even if I ghost her!? I keep telling myself to just stay calm and don’t say to much and be a bit dry over text BUT I can’t help but to over share and say things I’ll regret a few min later I feel like entertaining her texts keeps pushing me further in this ‘friend zone’

How does one change from ‘friends’ to more? Because apparently in the real world you can’t say stuff and just have to feel stuff out some how?

My biggest fear is me thinking she she’s cool with me touching her(like normal stuff) or trying to kiss her and her rejecting me or laughing at me. I don’t know how I would handle that…

Any tips? Thanks.