Guy I am dating we have known eachother for about a year. Dating non-exclusively for 3 months. Took forever to make a move. When we were friends, we had eachother on social media. After a disagreement, I stopped following him and we haven’t followed eachother since we have been dating non-exclusively
For whatever reason, I feel like he wants to keep it a secret that he is dating me. I brought it up and he said that he actually prefers that we don’t follow eachother. When we used to follow eachother, he was barely active. Now he is quite active. For example he never used to post stories. Now, we went out to dinner and he is taking pictures of where we are eating to his IG (without me in the pic).
We are both private people, however now I am starting to feel like he wants to keep me a secret.
This I mentioned. I also mentioned to him how I haven’t met his social circle. I know he has some female friends, yet no one knows we are dating. He hasn’t brought up exclusivity. We aren’t having sex (although he wants to). He wanted me to meet his long term friend of 15 years but he lives out of town. His friends I know of, have no idea we are dating either.
Is this a red flag?
Over these months, we have established a pretty good foundation and he has made it clear he wants a future, but I feel like I am being hidden.
Thoughts on this? Yet he plans dates, follows through on everything, and treats me really well in person. Very consistent on dates and wanting to spend time together.
TLDR Dating non exclusively. Doesn’t want to add me on social media, yet he is active on there. States he isn’t dating anyone else.
3 comments
You have mentioned that the matter of exclusivity has not been discussed. Why would he post pictures of you as a couple on social media before you’ve agreed to even be a couple?
Some people have nosy/controlling family members or friends that they don’t want to expose their date to until it’s a little serious.
Not wanting to post about you on social media when you’re not exclusive yet is not a red flag, however if he is doing a lot of other things/lying about not being on dates with you when he is to his friends, that could definitely be a red flag.
It sounds like you want him to consider you his girlfriend. You need to be the one to bring up the discussion of exclusivity and publicly sharing that you’re dating and see if he is in the same place you are.
Some people may just take a longer time opening up, you’ve mentioned he takes you on dates, follows up on everything & treats you very well. Dyu realise how rare that is from a man especially if you guys haven’t even had sex yet? Sounds like you’re more worried about being shown off & not being kept a secret, maybe if you actually give him the sex he’s been wanting to have with you he may actually take you more serious in terms of exclusivity. Not everything is a red flag, sometimes private is better, some guys like to keep their dating life private which there is nothing wrong with that, if anything speaking from personal experience most of my relationships lasted longer when people weren’t in my business. I hope I’m not sounding harsh I’m just trying to get my point across.
One more thing, he takes you out on dates right? Didn’t it ever occur to you that if someone was trying to keep you a secret they’d do everything in their power to fulfill that? So taking you out on dates when there is a chance of him bumping into people he knows with you, would contradict it? Wouldn’t it?
If he’s not posting you up, it means he wants someone(s) to think he’s single