He (37M) initiated a break 6 days ago because he felt smothered. I (23F) have taken a step back, respected his need for space and have had zero contact during this time. I was initially fearful that this could be the demise of our relationship. But I feel a lot better and like it’s the wake up call I needed. I’ve gained a new perspective on what happened and how it went wrong. I have clarity now and have a plan to avoid the same thing from happening and can see this really being amazing if he comes back. I’ve gotten back into loving myself and focusing on my goals. I want him to know I haven’t moved on and that I’m still patiently waiting, but don’t want to disrespect his time for space, I want to show him that I’ve changed and respect his boundaries. Should I just hold back and hope for a miracle?

TLDR:// guy I’ve been dating and I are taking a 2-3 week break due to too much pressure. Can I message him to let him know I’m still here or should I be patient and hope he comes around?

14 comments

  1. *He wants space. Give it to him. Enjoy your life and if he misses out on that, that is his loss. Don’t run back to people who close the door on you, and then leave you outside pining.*

  2. Did you discuss how long this break would last? 6 days does not seem like a lot of time to me. If I were you I would not contact him until the end of the break, but that gets complicated if you didn’t discuss the timeframe already.

  3. When a guy says tou are smoothering him and needs space DO NOT be the one to reach out ! You would be doing the exact thing he has a problem with. Do you really think he forgot how much you want him in only 6 days ?!?!

  4. I find it hard to believe that in 6 days you’ve done a complete 180 on your life. But regardless of that – no. When someone asks for space you let them come to you.

  7. >Can I message him to let him know I’m still here and haven’t moved on yet.

    Yes, of course you can message him, you have his contact details so right now you can tell him anything that you want.

    Until he blocks you, of course.

    >”He (37M) initiated a break 6 days ago because he felt smothered.”
    >
    >”Can I message him to let him know I’m still here”

    To summarise:

    * He has set out his personal boundaries.
    * You are determined to ignore them.
    * As you demonstrably care so little about his boundaries, then yes go ahead and contact him.
    * This will likely result in him blocking you which would be a perfectly rational decision.

  8. Should you try to re-establish contact with a man who is 15 years older than you and who dumped you a week ago? No, no you should not. (He knows you’re “still there” and haven’t moved on. It’s been 6 days.)

  10. Pretty wide age gap…what type of space is he looking for? Hopefully not a midlife crisis but not too far away…

  11. He knows you’re still there. It’s not good that your instinct, 6 days into a “break” (a thing he is simply too old to be doing, but whatever) that he initiated because he felt you were too smothering, is to try to re-establish contact, thereby reinforcing his desire to step back from this situation.

    Again, “breaks” are not something people his age should be doing. Either he wants to date you or he doesn’t. You shouldn’t wait around on the back burner.

    There’s less of a maturity gap here than there should be, but dude, real change does not happen in 6 days.

  12. After six days? Absolutely not. That’s exactly what smothering boundary-disrespecting behavior is. Leave him alone for the full time of your break.

  13. He said he needed space. Let him come to you. He may see you as smothering if you reach out to him.

  14. You should leave him alone and block him on everything. There’s no reason someone that’s pushing 40 should be dating a 23 year old. I’m 34 and would not date anyone younger then 29. He’s predatory.

    Even if we remove the age, you have immaturity and doubt. Someone that age should be more emotionally mature and shouldn’t be this much drama.

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