I (20m) have been dating my gf (21f) for a little over a year and we live together. One thing I’m noticing is her words and actions never match up. For example ill bring something up about the relationship that bothers me, she will first shift the blame to me and that its my fault, and then we seem to come to an agreement and she apologizes. And then she says she wants to take me on a date, like right after, and she plans the whole thing out for like the weekend a few days later. Well come time for the date we never end up going, she says shes “tired” or just seems flat out uninterested like she doesnt want to go now, its an endless cycle that happens id say a few times a month, weather it be after a disagreement, or just a date plan in general. Same thing happens with sex, shell ask me in the day to have sex later that night, and then we never end up having sex, and ive thought “maybe she wants me to initiate” so i tried that too and my advances get rejected. So overall i notice my gf’s words and actions dont correlate, i feel drained. just wondering what other people think or have been in a situation similar to this?
TL;DR Gfs words and actions dont correlate
2 comments
The first part sounds like classic DARVO – defend, attack, reverse victim and offender. The second part sounds like future faking, which is when you keep stringing somebody along with visions of the great future you are going to give them and that you have no intention of ever acting on. Both are associated with abusers and narcissists.
Given two very bad signs in the relationship, I would be looking for whether there is any reason not to end the relationship.
Always judge by the actions. Words are worthless without actions to back them up.
Try talking to her and pointing out the discrepancy between the words and actions.