I’ve been mulling over telling him that I love him (neither of us have said it), not because I don’t because I do. Waking up next to him is the best part of everyday for me. I love his humor and his ambition and the way that he cares about his family and friends. It’s probably cliche, but I’ve never met anyone like him. I can see myself spending the rest of my life with him. But, I don’t think I can tell him I love him because I don’t think he sees our relationship the same way that I do.
He’s Jewish and I’m not. His parents and friends have only ever made me feel welcome, but despite that I still just feel like an interloper.Before we actually became exclusive, I found out that he was still using a dating app, specifically Jswipe and his profile on there explained he was looking for a serious relationship and how important it is to him to marry a Jewish woman.
Recently we had dinner with his parents (dad and stepmom) and after dinner, we did a zoom call with his parents and his brother and sister-in-law, who are currently expecting a baby. No one in his family is kosher, but his brother and sister-in-law were saying after they have the baby they intend to keep their house mostly kosher so that the baby can grow up and actually have a deeper connection with their heritage and culture. His parents were super excited and they all just started talking about how important it is for them to raise their child to understand that there are things that Jews eat and don’t eat and things that they do and things that they don’t. This just kind of hurt me a bit because I know that his mom (his biological mother) has stressed to him that intermarriage isn’t okay in the past.
I just feel like I should break up with him now to avoid falling further in love with him and getting my heart broken. I can’t take this constant wondering and waiting for him to break up with me because he decides it’s time to find a woman more suitable with his culture.
I need some advice on what I should do.
Tl:dr; I love my boyfriend and want to spend my life with him but because of different cultures I don’t think he feels the same
6 comments
If your boyfriend is actively using a dating app (and you’re in an exclusive relationship), then I’m sorry to say that is probably a bigger issue than the cultural differences. Are you exclusive? Have you ever talked about whether you two have a future together?
“I love you, BUT, I can’t take this constant wondering and waiting for you to break up with me because you decide it’s time to find a woman more suitable with your culture. So, we need to break up now.”
He’ll agree, or, he’ll propose, I predict.
Communication is a huge key part of a relationship. Why haven’t you had the “us” talk already?
You can convert to Judaism if you want to—people who convert are treated as Jewish (if not more) than those who were born Jewish. Worth considering…and definitely worth discussing with him….ie “would it be important to you that i convert”…
You wake up every morning next to him? I assume you live together yet no one’s talking about the future or using the L word??
Ask him explicitly if he’ll marry you without you needing to convert. Not a proposal, just wanting to know where you stand.