TL;DR: How can I explore my sexuality without having a partner (whom I trust)? Is it possible to keep learning on my own without feeling extremely frustrated (and sometimes lonely)?
Much longer version: Due to family and health difficulties, I never let myself seek out/have a sexual life. Life was already too complicated. I didn’t have the mental bandwidth. I’m female. I know I’m sexual because I am attracted to men, I masturbate frequently (I have for many years), and I desire connection and intimacy. My life is thankfully much more manageable now, and about two years ago I finally felt like it a better time to try.
I kissed someone (a man) for the first time when I was 33. I really want to go further and have a proper relationship but I don’t know how to meet a man who would have the patience to let/help me learn. I feel frustrated because I don’t think I can learn more alone, or at least without learning with someone else as well. I feel like I’m trapped with an (inexperienced) teenager’s knowledge but in a 30-something year old’s body. It’s as if the key to my sexual growth/sexual learning is in someone else’s hands and I don’t know how to progress.
I’ve gone on a good few first (and second) dates but guys don’t seem to want to stick around. They say things like “I’m going to focus on things other than dating for now”, “It’s nothing personal but I don’t think it’ll work out etc”. This has happened a 6 or 7 times in the last few months. I doubt this is the real reason because a similar pattern had happened too many times, but I don’t want to push it. They are just ending it politely. All I know is I’m the common denominator. I don’t go into my history with them. If they ask I just say I’ve never had a serious relationship, that I had other priorities.
For context, I have a small group of close friends, as well as a larger group of (admittedly all female as well) buddies I socialise with etc. Most of them are married, or in long term relationships. I have a challenging job which I love, although admittedly I don’t earn a lot yet (I pay my way but don’t have much of a rainy day fund). I get on well with my parents and family. My friends say I’m pretty but I think that they are perhaps being too generous. Random guys don’t hit on me. I think my looks are average but I do try to dress well, although I’m not into fake nails/tan etc. I consider myself warm, chatty, approachable humorous and generally interested in people and the world around me. I definitely have insecurities around my lack of experience and looks.
Ultimately I would like to be in a loving relationship because I feel I have a lot of love to give, and would like to have a teammate to enjoy life with – and if I’m honest, have a sec life with. This feels like too much to wish for, so instead I’m asking you, how do I learn/explore the sexual side of my personality/existence without someone else?
Also, if you have read those far, thank you for giving me so much of your time! I hope you’re well💜
P.S. I’m from an English speaking European country, if that makes any difference.
2 comments
do you know the reason why guys stopping seeing you after first/2nd date? consider you’ve been dating 6/7 times in the last few months, im sure your physical appearance is not the problem.
You are masturbating, that is pretty much exploring yourself. What you lack is intimacy, you can’t get that by exploring yourself, only from a partner. You seem to be overworked, having too less time for yourself at hand. Doing so much chores for other people can have a huge toll on yourself and your self worth. Make more space for yourself. You also seem to live on the country side, there will always be less opportunities to meet someone on the go there. This can explain, why you are not beeing hit at. Trust your friends. Do more dating, but be upfront with your sexual experiance.