I’m 23F and currently dating with 24M.
Is it too early to spend a night with him if I want a serious relationship? from dating
And this was my last post.
So I chose to stay overnight with him, we literally hangout the whole weekend, from Saturday morning to Sunday night and had fun weekend together. We did a lot of things together, including sex. (Found out we have good chemistry on sex, which makes me happy)
But tbh I don’t know what he wants, if he just wanna have fun or he wants something serious. I never brought up that topic because I’m scared if he only wants casual thing then I’d get hurt.
He seems like he’s not only looking sex from his behaviors when he’s with me. On the other hand, he still seems pretty active on dating apps too. ( I could see those apps notifications sometimes but he doesn’t even hide or bring his phone when he goes to bathroom or other places and leaves his phone with me. ) And I saw him commenting on those girls’ posts which makes me not so comfortable.
His birthday is kinda soon and he said he has plans the days before the birthday but he’s free on the birthday. So I asked him if he wants to spend time with me on his birthday then he said sure.
There are some elements that I feel like he pretty likes me but also seems he doesn’t want anything serious with me and I’m confused and don’t know what to do.
Anyway, I want to clarify what is this situation between him and me before it’s too late. But I’m too scared to bring that topic up.
Tl;Dr : there’s a guy I’ve been dating but idk what he wants, so I wanna clarify but also I don’t wanna get hurt. What should I do ?
7 comments
Rip off the bandaid if it’s troubleshooting you that much.
If he’s still on apps, he’s already looking for the next one. When someone has your heart, you don’t keep looking.
Well you need to establish boundaries, define your relationship, and stop sitting in the dark. Don’t act like a girlfriend if you aren’t one, don’t allow him to play you and others.
As the saying goes why have the cow when you can get the milk for free, you are giving him free milk and expecting him to buy the cow.
“…..but I’m too scared to bring the topic up”.
Mmmhmmmmmm…. How about you shitcan the rest of your post and we start with the point at which you are too scared to ask for what you need.
Maybe you have invented some kind of relationship I have never heard of before, but exactly where did you sign up for a relationship in which you are too scared to ask for what you need?
Is this guy like “God’s gift to Women”? Does he have a lot of power and influence? Do you think he’s too good for you? Are you afraid of getting dumped if you rock the boat…..and then you will be ALONE…..and never, ever find another partner AGAIN!! EVER!!!
Apparently Mr Wonderful has no such qualms as he is still on the Apps looking for your successor. I, myself, might have issues with being reduced to the sexual equivalent of a garbage bag, but hey….thats just me…… what do I know……. Maybe you like things this way. OTOH if you are too scared to ask for a simple clarification of the boundaries, what else are you too scared to ask about? If he’s been tested…(cuz he’s not using a condom)? How about if he’s been tested….(cuz you don’t know if he’s exclusive)? How about if he’s been tested…..(because most habitual drug users are unable to account for all 24 hours in each and every day and you have not known him long enough to say for certian if he is or if he ain’t). In fact you really don’t know a lot about him except what he LETS you know, right?
Long as I live I will never understand why it is that the asshole get more consideration than what a partner gives themselves. Its a Mystery, I guess……..
Have a healthy conversation with him over coffee. Let him spill out what’s in his mind. Guys are generally undecisive in their heads so it would take you a little effort to get that out of him and later you could take your call if you would like to go a little further with him or call it quits.
What you do is you ask him, babe. You straight up ask. You establish your boundaries. You tell him what you are looking for, and if he can’t provide that, then he is just bye. It isn’t being rude. It is just not wasting your time or his time. If he wants sex, ask him that directly. Guys tend to communicate pretty directly. But if he wants something more, don’t drive him away with your suspicions.
That’s the mentality to have! Well, text and ask before. And I agree. I wouldn’t do it on his birthday. Thay would seem selfish. But the next chance you get. Don’t waste any more emotional energy on someone who isn’t willing to spend the same emotional investment and energy on you.