I don’t understand this if this is true. I recently went on date with a beautiful girl. She told me that she felt extremely intimated by me because of my looks and style. nobody ever approaches me or talks to me in general so when I approach them we end up having a really good conversation. They then tell me the same thing that I was really intimating and blah blah. Is this actually true…? I know attractive women get hit on all the time so I thought it was universal. (M19)
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You’re probably not giving off signs that you’re approachable.
It’s similar for women but it’s more likely some men will ignore those social cues (or see them in every little show of curtesy) – while a much smaller percentage of women will do the same due to a variety of reasons (some believe they shouldn’t pursue, polite boundaries, etc).
Yes for me personally, I will not talk to guys I find attractive
Being intimidated by people you’re attracted to is common across all genders and orientations, and often the two play on each other. eg being intimidating adds to a kind of mystique, and being attractive makes someone get worried about screwing something up in front of you.
I don’t because i think a good looking guy wouldn’t be interested in me. I know. Not good, this way of thinking.
Now we need to see a pic of you op.
(Jk of course. No need to post yourself up if it makes you uncomfortable)
If someone markedly more attractive than me is nearby, I get this fight or flight sense like there is a predator is near and so I go run and hide. I’m way too intimidated by them.
31F and I’ve been this since high school.
It’s like this… Idk. Self esteem thing? “They’re too pretty, I can’t even compare. I can’t even be seen side by side with them.”
You should think less about the way you look and think more about engaging with others in a fun, positive way.
Absolutely this is true. I don’t see myself in as a very attractive woman. So I assume very attractive men won’t want to talk with me.
Its similar to when some guys are intimidated by a really attractive girl. You feel like you aren’t good enough for them or that this person is above your league. Its usually not true, but its easy for your brain to start thinking that way regardless. Its a tough mindset to get over.
This goes for men too, but a lot of people are insecure, or have conditional/fluctuating levels of self-worth that can make it hard for someone to take actions that they desire.
That or possibly you’re not giving too many opportunities to present yourself openly, depending on your looks and style. Certain styles can give off uncertain vibes that make people unsure (again related to self-worth) if they should approach or not even if they want to.
If I find someone attractive I tell them
It definitely happens on both sides where people get nervous to interact with the opposite sex when they find them attractive. Honestly I believe the best way for people to overcome this is to just be natural and have a regular interaction. Then see if it leads to something more. Try not to overthink and just flow.
I probably seem like I am flirting with most people I know because I am super friendly, but for some reason when I’m around a hot dude I’m interested in, I can barely say five words.
If I see an attractive guy:
1. I don’t see a reason to approach because why would he be interested in me anyway, if he could have any other girl.
2. He or others will judge me for even thinking I have a chance with him (this is more prominent because I’m still in school)
I’m a 30F and I’m just learning that if I want to talk to a guy I should approach them. I’ve always waited for guys to come up to me, and the ones I want to talk to rarely do. I assume this is bc they’re used to ppl approaching them? I dk but it’s irrelevant at this point. You’re very young so learn this now: if you want to talk to someone (or do anything in life tbh), don’t wait on anybody.
Sounds like you’re hott so you’re the only one getting in your way. Godspeed OP <3
Edit: I have also learned that I was absolutely giving off signs that I wasn’t approachable so take that in consideration as well 🙂
Maybe for younger women. Not so for older women. 18-30 they’re shy haven’t really lived life and it shows. 30+ they ain’t playing games.
22f; It’s all about self esteem I believe. I notice it in myself a lot. Very attractive people (like a 9-10 judging by societies standards) cause me to feel insecure for sure. I get nervous and feel not good about myself, less confident. It’s not at all the fault of the person of course, because I’ve done a lot of work on my self esteem and have experienced that not happening during some periods of my life, now including. But when I had lower self esteem I’d definitely be too scared to even say excuse me to an attractive person.
If I see a drop dead beautiful man, usually longer messier hair beardy and a flannel shirt I can’t even make eye contact it’s like looking at the sun.
You can usually tell by someone’s body language/behavior if they are cocky or full of themselves. In that case, not even worth trying imo. But as a guy I find it much harder for a girl to screw up an interaction during conversation than the other way around. If you’re cute and friendly most guys won’t judge any awkward behavior. If a guy does this to an attractive girl, then game over. She’s not gonna be interested. Which makes approaching women much harder for us than it is for you to approach us.
I think it works much better when the girl starts the interaction. It gives us guys the permission to flirt or make friends with you. Alot of us won’t start interactions with a girl because we lose confidence after being rejected on a regular basis. So I don’t really try anymore. I just wait for her to show me first she wants to engage In a conversation. Easiest way is to just ask him to come play a game of pool or darts with you and your friends. Works every time for me 🤷♂️.
I have really bad social anxiety and a bad habbit of refusing to even look in the direction of someone I think is attractive. I treat them like they don’t exist in big groups, and avoid eye contact one on one, usually just forcing myself to look into the distance, which usually leads to people thinking that I don’t like them, or that I’m stuck up. I either get shy, clam up, or turn into an overly polite, agreeable, moron one on one.
I used to stare at my crushes back in school until I realized I was being severely creepy, and I guess I overcompensated really hard.
Well I’ve very rarely known women to make the first move, and I’ve very rarely been able to tell when a woman/girl had a crush on me. As the guy you’re just expected to make the first move. They say “if a girl likes you you’ll know it”- that’s basically never been true in my experience.
If I’m attracted to someone, there is a 200% chance I will then avoid them. Insecurity and low self esteem suuucks.
Interesting!! I’m glad to know I’m not the only one. I’ve felt this way my entire life and never really gave it much thought. I broke it down to my husband without even realizing that I’m putting this together in the moment. It boils down to attractiveness can be intimidating and attractive people also tend to be pretty arrogant— so by not approaching them you can judge off their approach to you instead. Sounds really shitty especially now seeing your side of it all. Definitely helped me check myself. 👌🏼
Everyone’s different and honestly depends on the woman’s confidence imo. Personally I avoid all men cause I’m intimidated, attraction doesn’t change anything
I mean, yeah, men do this too. (Witness the sheer volume of posts on advice subreddits going HELP HOW DO I TALK TO PRETTY GIRLS IT’S SO SCARY.) People in general often get tongue-tied and awkward and scared to strike up a conversation with someone they’re really attracted to. As I understand it the phenomenon of attractive women getting hit on all the time is an unrelated issue caused by a subset of the male population doing a shitty behavior pattern totally distinct from the “having a crush” experience.
I don’t think the issue in this case is women not talking to you *because they’re attracted to you*, though, from context. It sounds like you’re emitting nonverbal signals of not wanting to be talked to – for example, you aren’t making eye contact/smiling, you have “closed off” resting body language such as crossed arms and furrowed eyebrows and hunched shoulders, that sort of thing.
I don’t talk to people I find very attractive. I feel not only intimidated but also biased against their potential quality of personality. This stems from being trolled by guys when I was younger as well as being the nerdy type who prefers intelligence to appearance.
In general, people are intimidated by ridiculously attractive people and people who are more moderately attractive receive more realistic levels of attention.
It has happened to me more times that I would admit in real life hehe. It’s just dumb but I can get paralyzed. I have wasted real proper chances with some of them, actually hiding when they see me, and now I’m literally 40. I get paralyzed like a bunny when car lights touch him/her. It’s like my body is so sincere in how much I want the guy that it doesn’t even let me think. I feel totally kidnapped by my hormones and a bit out of control and I don’t like it too much.
Fortunately and this is REALLY NERD TO ADMIT, when I know for certain that they like me back, I can deal with it. I accept they will notice my smitten ways because they have some smittness too. And in order to know that it really helps if they reach to me first by phone or text or else, without the distraction of my tortured body self, so when I see them I don’t go running to the hills. Not them saying I love you or so, but solely express they are intrigued by me too.
This has happened anyway not more than 5 times in my life. But within those 5, 3 of them were REALLY IMPORTANT. 1) First big love, 2) 10 year-relationship, 3) guy who convinced me to move overseas (even though our relationship didn’t ultimately work out).
PS: Some of this guys weren’t/aren’t conventionally attractive at all but I just felt DRAWN to them. I even laughed at myself. I spoke about one of them so highly that my friends chuckled when they met him in person because they thought he was really like a younger version of Brad Pitt… and he wasn’t 😅😂
Yes lol
You’d be surprised how bad a lot of attractive men and women’s social skills are, but because they’re attractive they never really needed them.
Women are pretty self concious and self doubty. I know even when I’m getting hit on constantly I’m still way to nervous to talk to an attractive male. If my current partner didn’t kiss me out of the blue, we wouldn’t be together now 😅 because I was way to nervous and never thought he would find me attractive or interesting haha
Yea probably. But I can definitely confirm that people in general talk to you more when you’re more attractive. Once I lost 50 pounds and my acne cleared up, dental work… the whole glam up… I kind of lost faith in humanity after I realized how different the treatment was. Yeah it feels nice and you even get free shit. But it opens your eyes for sure.
Respectfully disagreeing that it’s because you are “unapproachable”… I physically cannot even look in the general direction of someone I’m interested in let alone make an effort to speak to them without like at least a solid week of mentally preparing myself for it. Some girls are ABSOLUTELY afraid to approach lol
I absolutely will avoid or be a tad mean to a man that I find extremely attractive. I don’t do this on purpose at all I’m just self conscious
If that’s true, then I must me the most attractive guy on the planet.
I sure hope it is, because that means I do have a chance!