How should I explain to him that I like him and that I don’t want to only have sex with him?

49 comments

1. Demand respect via your actions.

   It’s a direct reflection of morals.

2. So this could be a touchy situation.

   Men don’t react this way ordinary.

   I am sensing possible sexual exploitation in the past with M.

   That’s not easy to talk about becuase for a guy…..it’s humiliating. Even today make victims are less likely to report incidents due to the stigma.

   Be patient and just try to focus on relationship building.

   Tell him that your time is a investment. Whether it’s having sex. Going for a walk. Or texting each other while studying.

   You are not just having sex with him.

   I would also recommend some more intense dates too. Yes. You both busy. But I am sure vacations will collide. Don’t pick easy dates. Pick dates that demand teamwork and cooperation. Like a 50 miles hike to a waterfall just to watch the sun set.

   Yeah. You may have sex a the end. Got it. But it’s a experience only you two can share.

3. I’m going to get downvoted but this seems to me to be pretty manipulative of him. Initially having a one night stand and then turning it into more is not uncommon. Either he believes you or he doesn’t but don’t let him pull you into mind games and make you feel guilty when you did absolutely nothing wrong. Your affection should speak for itself.

4. I would be cautious moving forward with him. I had kind of a similar thing happen to me where the person I was dating would ask me ‘why do you like me?’ almost every time without reason. When I say without reason, I mean like we would be having a great time together and it would pop up. Regardless of how much I would reassure or be patient, it was always a topic. By the end of the relationship I was so tired trying to make him believe me that I ended things. He ended up accusing me of cheating on him and that I was a horrible person. I blocked him and he still tries to find ways to reach out though I’ve blocked him on socials and my personal number.

   Be patient with your person, but also don’t neglect your own mental health trying to get him to believe that you wouldn’t break his trust. You deserve you too.

5. Entirely too much drama, too many changes of mind.
   Tell him if he decides he wants to see you again, you will start over from the beginning, date without sex a couple of times and see how it goes. If he really cares for you he will do it. But be prepared for you to never see him again.

6. Ill be straight with you, no matter the intention or whatever is going on with him since its all speculation. This person has on multiple occasion tried to break ties with you and has found reasons not to see you. So no matter whats going on, the bottom line is ,you simply arent a priority for him. And youve obviously given this a lot of thought and time so it is a much bigger deal for you than him. Id stop this one sided affair, drop him like a rock and move on….

7. > Yesterday we were texting about the first time we had sex together and I revealed to him that I had slept with him that night because I was drunk and only after that I developed a crush on him.

   Why did you feel the need to tell him this?

8. I would be cautious, as he’s either displaying manipulative tendencies, or a level of insecurity that could easily get exhausting.

   But just say “hey, I heard what you said and I really don’t want you to think I’m only interested in you for sex. Let’s hang out the next few times without having sex.” His response to that will speak volumes. It’s very likely he’ll be like ‘no we can still have sex’, or make a move on the date anyway, but just hold firm with something like “I feel like the sex is complicating things and I really care about you, let’s just spend a little more time getting to know each other without that.”

9. Honestly, coming from another guy, this guy sounds like a bit of a bitch. I’m getting hard manipulation vibes from this guy based off of your description of events. I know you like him, but this is raising all of the red flags for me. Drop this guy like a hot potato and run.

10. “I do like you, and I don’t really need every time to meet to end up with sex. Whatever happened the first night did make me fall for you, and I want to continue this. How about we meet up and just do something fun.”

    -Something like that?

11. I sense the smell of another woman in his life 🤨

12. You had sex with him by chance and by alcohol.
    You did get to know him to find out if he’s available.
    You found out he’s not available for dating because he value a career mostly.
    He probably seen that you wasn’t interested in his career, your career, etc.
    His focus and reaction to the situation was more mature.
    He spent time with you at the beginning but time ran out and he had to get busy.
    You could of said, “I could help you”.
    He probably ment when he said, ” you only like him for sex ” was his way of saying you didn’t respect what he wanted to accomplish.
    The way you two started the almost relationship wasn’t close to being close.

13. If he’s a good idea for a relationship then he will respond well to clear, direct communication. Just tell him. If you have to dance around it or he doesn’t agree then he probably isn’t meant to be.

14. Maybe you should graduate high school before having sex.

15. Sounds like you weren’t really a priority to him, and now he’s trying to give you reasons to be mad and drop him so he doesn’t have to do it. He sounds immature.

16. “Hi, I like you but I want a more deeper connection too.”

17. Stop hopping into bed with each other and get to know one another first

18. [deleted]

19. This guy is manipulating you emotionally, plain and simple.

    I will say as a guy it doesn’t feel great when a woman’s affection for you noticeably increases after sex. We can tell when it happens and it is a turn off.

    But this guy is just trying to get you worked up so he can use you.

20. Dude sounds like he wants to end it in a way that he’s not the “bad guy” which he can do now because like he said “I can’t trust you anymore “.
    Now he’s not the bad guy. Idk why you would want to be with someone who doubts being with you. That sounds horrible.

    He doesn’t have time? Bro everyone can and does make time for things and people who matter to them. You don’t matter to this guy as he’s tried to end it twice now.

21. He sounds like a weirdo, I’d just end it now. He also had sex with you the first night & every night after but some how you’re the problem? Red flag DTMFA!

22. He’s looking for an excuse to end things. First he tried to tell you he couldn’t see you ALL semester to “focus on school”, which in itself is telling because he’d make it work if he liked you enough. Now he’s willing to drop you because his assumption is you only wanted him for sex and didn’t even want to verify if that’s true first? He has just needed a reason to cut you off, I’m sorry. Him being wishy washy and reaching back out probably has more to do with him wanting to get laid. He’s very manipulative.

23. People who truly like you and want to keep seeing you don’t try so hard to complicate things to the point of break up. They try to find a solution to whatever problem and fix it. Is he doing any of that? No.

24. he is projecting his feelings for the relationship onto you, he is making up reasons/excuses to not be with you. He asked you if you only wanted to have sec originally, because those were his intentions. When you disagreed and said you wanted more, he went along w/ it to save face. this is my interpretation but i don’t think you’re losing anyone worth keeping tbh. it’ll be hard but i think you need to move on from this guy.

25. Stop worrying about it because he wasn’t gonna commit to you anyway.

26. Main lesson is don’t have serious conversations like this over text. Meet in person and discuss it.

27. The thing is he went missing and then popped up again with this whole novel and all this whining. He clearly isn’t interested and only likes the attention he can count on you for. From experience, he probably got dumped by the girl he 1st picked over you and is acting out because he is emotionally immature and knows going back to you sounds suss to you. This sounds exhausting. Why entertain such an person who makes accusations and not respect your peace. Who the hell is rude enough to bring drama after so long?

    What do you like about him?

    Ask him these things: Are you actively looking for a long term girlfriend/boyfriend? Are you saying this stuff because you want to try dating me in a serious way? If he can’t say anything else but yes, I want you to date you seriously then block. Don’t argue. If he tries having a texting battle again, ask him what he wants out of this exchange and if it’s not productive, block.

    Hats off, op, you are patient. I hope he is cute.

28. “I’m looking for love. So, does it live in that brain and heart you got?”

29. literally the worst excuse..

30. Kind of sounds like he just wants sex and is trying to manipulate you into thinking otherwise. He’s “reversing the roles” by saying YOU are the one that only wants sex. Very manipulative

31. Honestly if he’s getting this upset over a timeline he gets this upset over everything. He’s already being wishy washy with you it doesn’t seem worth it

32. Say it just like your header, should be that simple

33. he is either a) manipulative and these are the signs or b) you are one of multiple side chicks, bc of how he is interacting with you (the on and off love bombing)

34. Typically people react this way because of some other factor. Maybe he feels guilty for his past actions. Maybe he had built up something in his mind about the two of you and you saying damaged that. Maybe he actually wants out and just can’t tell you so he looks for something to gaslight you and make it you’re the problem. It’s hard to say. But I wouldn’t take it too personally as it’s his issue not yours. Ultimately you need to have a line on what kind of behavior from a potential partner you’re willing to accept and what you aren’t willing to accept. For now, maybe you approach him and try to have a conversation about why he is being defensive and trying to make this about you when you were just being honest about how you got to this point, which is something he himself has done in the past. Then you can gauge if this is the right circumstances for you based on how he responds. Whatever you do, I wish you luck.

35. he is either a) manipulative and these are the signs or b) you are one of multiple side chicks, bc of how he is interacting with you (the on and off love bombing)

36. Let this dude go. It doesn’t sound like he’s trying to actually make this into something anyways.

37. You’re a moped

    Fun to ride, but doesn’t wanna be seen riding one

38. Havent read any other comments but if I was you I would leave the situation in total. He is trying to have an at school girl(s) and an at home girl(s).
    With all due respect,peace and love I would also suggest you look into going to therapy. Sounds like you have some stuff you might need to sort out as well.

39. As others say, we can’t read his mind so we don’t know what his thoughts are. But at this point, he’s made it clear school is #1 and you’re #… something else.

    This to me feels like him trying to break up with you by blaming you. It’s *YOUR* fault that he’s breaking up with you. Not his fault that he can’t keep his boundary that you keep trying to push past.

    He wants to keep anything between you and him limited… you want more.

    At this point? No offense but take the hint. Back off. You aren’t his priority and you either need to accept that and wait until he’s done with school… or move on and find someone who will actually engage with you beyond sex.

    Personally? I think this can be projection as well. He’s accusing you of only wanting sex… because that’s what *HE* wants. He’s putting his reasons and rationality on your shoulders. You see in other people what you know… and this is what he knows.

40. >3 days after that he told me that he’s sorry and that he misses me and that he will make time to see me. He told me that I am really special and that he doesn’t want to hurt me again.

    dontbelievehislies.jpeg

41. You are responsible for your own vagina

42. The only reason he came back is because the other girl got tired of him.

43. He’s making you the victim. Just ghost him and move on.

44. He sounds like a male bitch and hard work

45. That dude is all over the place….

    That said, finding out someone had sex with me “because they were drunk” would be an immediate deal breaker for me.

46. Bail, OP. This dude ain’t the one. He will bring far more misery into your life than happiness

47. >However, he accused me of only liking him for sex. I tried to explain to him that it’s not like that but he told me that he doesn’t believe me and that he can’t trust me anymore.

    This right here is called creating an ‘out’, or an exit strategy while trying to look like he did nothing wrong. It’s gaslighty and douchey. I’d say move on.

48. In my opinion this is an excuse to brake with you. If you said that you like him. Why he doesn’t believe you.

49. stop having sex and have a talk. if he’s a jerk about it, say bye