i (24f) met a guy (27m) on hinge, we have gone on two dates and i like him a lot. he kissed me on the first date already so i suppose he likes me too. at the end of our second date, i asked if he wanted to come home with me. i guess that may sound quite forward but i am pretty relaxed about sex and usually like to get it out of the way early on as sexual compatibility is a big deal to me. anyway, he told me he’s never had sex before and he’s very apprehensive about it, and wanted to wait until he was more prepared. so i went home alone 🥲 later he messaged me that “he really likes me but wants to take things slow”. tbh i’m really surprised he’s a virgin, we’re not from a culture where that would be encouraged and he is really attractive (imo of course) so i doubt he hasn’t had the opportunity. i’m worried this indicates some serious incompatibility as i’m quite sexual and have had extensive experience and (it seems like) he may not have much interest in it? and assuming the day comes where he wants to have sex, taking his virginity feels like a big responsibility somehow. aside from this we get along really well though so i really want to keep seeing him. i would love some advice on how to proceed
4 comments
You solve this the way people in relationships solve all problems: you talk about it.
Tell him you’re okay with taking it slow but you want to know his views on sex. Did he intentionally wait or was it never the right time or was it due to isolation from the pandemic or did he date someone who didn’t want to have sex till marriage…there are a million potential reasons to not have had sex yet that have nothing to do with low sex drive.
Now is not the time to make assumptions. Just politely and in a non accusatory non judgmental way fine out how he feels.
He may be very self conscious about still being a virgin and may have encountered a lot of bias in the past so don’t add to that. There is no deadline by which people have to have had sex to be valid or to be good sex partners. He may be very sexual and could wind up being the best sex you’ve ever had. You just need to stay open minded and be a good listener and find out what he’s thinking.
I have been in his shoes and to be honest I don’t think you guys will be sexually compatible. Quite frankly I don’t think you have the patience needed to make this work and not saying that as a bad thing it just is what it is. You fundamentally view sex different than he does and that comes with having more partners in general not just in comparison to him. I think his best bet is to find someone who isn’t that experienced as well and learn together.
Best way to know is to talk about it with him. Just because he hasn’t yet doesn’t mean he doesn’t have interest. Plenty of reasons it could not have happened yet for him. But talking about it can answer those questions and also show him you are interested in him regardless of sexual experience
Yoda: “Patience, you lack”.