Me (27f) and my boyfriend (28m) have been together for 4 months. At the beginning of our relationship, he asked me to make several changes because otherwise our relationship could not work. like, for example, being on my cell phone less often and getting angry less and communicating more. I consider that I have made a lot of effort to improve myself. I’ve noticed for some time that when I pass a comment or make a criticism, he takes it really personal and gets angry. for example, last night he came to my house after work. His colleague called him on a work-related matter. He spent 30 minutes on his phone. When I mentioned to him that it upset me, he got angry and told me that he had no fixed hours at work and that my comment upset him. He even told me that he found my comment ironic because I was on my phone at the moment when I had taken it for barely 2 minutes to see my messages. Then, when we went to bed, my daughter of 2 (who is not his) didn’t want to sleep in her bed. So she slept with us and he got angry because according to him, we never had any privacy when it was the first time that happened and I free myself every weekend to go to his home alone. But the worst happened this morning. He told me he wanted to use the restroom before he left for work. He stay ther for 15 minutes. I told him to hurry a bit because I had to get something before leaving. I told him that I didn’t appreciate it because I was going to be late and my hours were fixed. He got angry and told me that I could have asked him to give it to me, which I had done without an answer from him. So now he’s angry. I feel like I can’t do any criticism. I’m starting to doubt this relationship more and more. I feel submissive and I feel like I’m walking on eggshells. He criticized a lot, but when it’s me, he feels attacked and sometimes even blames my tone of voice. He also stopped his antidepressants for some time. Could this be the reason for his mood swings? What should I do to improve this situation? Should I give up on this relationship?
TL;DR Bf always angry when I say something.
14 comments
You can’t do anything. HE’s the one being an asshole.
Why should you date an asshole?
>At the beginning of our relationship, he asked me to make several changes because otherwise our relationship could not work.
Red flag no. 1
>when I pass a comment or make a criticism, he takes it really personal and gets angry.
Red flag no. 2
>I feel like I’m walking on eggshells.
Red flag no. 3
>He criticized a lot, but when it’s me, he feels attacked and sometimes even blames my tone of voice.
Red flag no. 4
>Should I give up on this relationship?
I would, it sounds exhausting. Relationships shouldn’t drain you or undermine your sense of self.
I think it’s unfair to criticize him for taking a work call, that’s a lot different than scrolling social media or texting someone for a long time when you’re right next to another human being.
Overall though he sounds like an asshole who can’t control his anger and doesn’t really care to resolve anything. He could’ve just let you in the bathroom to grab whatever you needed…? Or handed it to you. Really not a hard problem to solve there and he made a huge deal out of it.
And he certainly doesn’t sound like he’s too fond of your daughter. Huge red flag.
> He also stopped his antidepressants for some time
That could definitely explain the mood-swings, but it doesn’t excuse them. It’s still his responsibility to have enough self-awareness to recognize that these are mood-swings, apologize, and proactively commit to addressing them with a new medication. It’s not your responsibility to babysit his moods and you’ll get very exhausted trying to do so.
If the situations you mentioned in the OP are representative of the type of issues that cause conflict in your relationship, it seems like both sides are stuck in a pattern of slinging bullshit complaints and criticisms at the other, and both sides are sick of hearing them from the other.
You both seem to have no understanding of the concept of “picking your battles.” I mean honestly, criticizing your partner for having to take a work phone call or a shit? Complete bullshit. Criticizing your partner because their two year old won’t sleep in their own bed? Also complete bullshit. The reason all these conversations went so badly is that they are conversations that never should have occurred.
Jesus Christ op, what are you doing? Get out and run! this guy is a shitbird to the highest degree, Everything youre going through is going to get so much worse for you and YOUR DAUGHTER, gtfo now please!
There’s nothing for you to do. This guys a huge asshole and he’s very controlling. Nothing is ever this guys fault huh? Do you think that’s because he’s never at fault or because he’s manufactured it so that it’s your fault? My money is on the latter.
It’s 4 months in and you’re so busy trying to impress him while he’s, what? Treating you like shit and making you feel bad that your 2 year old needed mom for a night? He’s honestly disgusting.
He isn’t fond of you and he isn’t fond of your daughter. He isn’t the guy for your family. Leave him girl don’t let this behaviour be what your daughter grows up thinking is normal.
Its four months in and you want this angry man to stick around your daughter?
You do know that it’s okay to not date anyone, yes?
Why are you dating this asshole? If you asked him to make changes for the relationship like he asked if you, would he do them, or would he cheat mad for you even asking?
He’s abusing you. He’s making you walk on eggshells to not upset him, because the more inane shit seems to make him upset.
You don’t deserve to be subject to that kind of treatment. I’m surprised you’d subject your child to seeing you be treated like that.
4 months is nothing, cut your losses
It’s been 4 months. Cut your losses before it escalates. This is not healthy communication.
Ok, I’m afraid I have to agree, based upon your OP, with everyone else here.
here’s what I just read in your post…
​
Me (27f) and my boyfriend (28m) have been together for 4 months.
when we started dating he forced me to change who I am. I consider that I have made a lot of effort to *change* for him.
every time I communicate anything like a normal person, he gets angry and throws it back on me, which makes me angry, and we essentially cannot communicate. Despite having changed myself to suit his needs (even if he hasn’t)
Despite me making plenty of time to not be with my own daughter, which most mothers couldn’t or wouldn’t do, on the occasional time he does have to *tolerate* her presence, he has no respect. For my flesh and blood toddler nor me, as her mother.
oh, and he uses the bathroom, despite having no fixed hours, depriving me of using it, where I DO have fixed hours, so he can wank one off, cos he didn’t get nookie last night cos of my daughter,
furthermore he continuously gaslights me, flips everything round to be my fault and sulks or gets angry when I say something.
***dear Reddit, should I stay or should I go?***
(yours truly, a friendly Redditor – and loving dad -who himself has been mistreated and emotionalply abused by an ex-wife.)
You sound like the red flag based on what you typed.
Been together 4 months and you have a daughter who still needs and deserves comfort at night in bed with mom
GET HIM OUT OF YOUR BED