Hi! I’m 30F and the guy is 34M. A few months ago, I got out of a long term relationship, so this has been my first foray back into dating. (If it’s worth noting, the long term relationship I got out of was, in all honestly, emotionally done for quite a while and we really both felt we were living as roommates—little to no sex or other intimacy, for example—but the relationship firmly ended when I found out he was having an intense emotional affair and so I ended things and had him move out).
Anyway, I recently turned to online dating apps not really to look for a relationship right away but just to get myself out there again. I really hit it off with this one guy. We’re both very career-focused and ambitious, we have similar communication styles (ie longer, spread out texts vs lots of short ones), we have a lot of similar interests, etc. When he asked me if I wanted to make in-person plans, I agreed and gave him my number.
We had our first date last week and I thought it went really well! Our virtual chemistry translated well to in-person, we asked each other questions, laughed, etc (the date specifically was dinner and then going for a long walk). He also seemed really sweet in that he always held the door open for me, stayed off his phone the entire time, really seemed to focus on whatever I was saying, helped me with my bag, drove out of his way to an area closer to me, etc. We also made out at the end of the night. After the toxicity of my last relationship, it felt really great.
Our texting continued as normal and we also amped up the flirting as well. We discussed that we both didn’t want to rush into sex early on but were open to other things together. We had another date over the weekend, which was dinner and then we went to his place. Again, no sex but we were intimate in other ways. We were both really open about everything and had great communication the whole time and, honestly (even in my longest relationship) have never felt as comfortable as I did with this guy. He also really cared how I was feeling, enjoying things, what I wanted, etc.
I wasn’t intending to have a “where is this going” talk, but at one point there was a natural opening so I brought it up. He basically said he wanted to take it week but week and see where it goes. I agreed that I don’t want to rush into a relationship but like him; he agreed. We both have a busy couple weeks coming up so also don’t have firm plans and playing that by ear.
I guess I’m just over thinking the “see where it goes” phrasing. Thoughts?
It seems vague and makes me think he’s not that into me, but then I think if that’s the case why would he put all the effort into the things I mentioned above and being thoughtful with communication? (If it matters, he also said on his own before this I was the first person he’d been intimate with in months and wasn’t talking to anyone else). But I don’t know. I guess I’m just confused.
2 comments
To be honest, it sounds like he’s genuinely trying to let things organically happen. The phrase that you’re hung upon IMO is very positive. It means there is no pressure or expectations even though there is a connection. Remember, this connection is new, so seeing where things go make it clear that there isn’t a just a quick rush of lust and things die off. Spend time with him, don’t rush it, go with the flow. By all means though COMMUNICATE! If things are too much or not enough, ask the follow up of “where are things going” again. It’s fair for you to be able to check in periodically (not obsessively though), but I wouldn’t worry too much about it. Enjoy your time together and let things fall in place. Once they do you will be happy they did.
It’s still very early! Just a couple of weeks of in person. As you said you’re both busy and you’ve sorta discussed what I’d consider “taking it slow”. It sounds like he means it genuinely and his response is appropriately measure for where you current are in dating.