I am 24 (M) south asian (brown), who has a very low success rate in dating. Do you think ethnicity is the reason that I have low rate or that I don’t drink or got bars/parties. Most of the times the women I see are mostly in gym and a lot of people I know they say that I am 8/10, but still have no luck(I don’t see girls of my ethnicity around me either and the one I see once in a blue moon are not college grads which is a deal breaker)
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Could be that some people have biases unfortunately. It’s not something you can change though so I wouldn’t focus on that aspect, nor should you even want to date someone who has a problem with your ethnicity.
Some people do but there are people out there who don’t care about it at all. It takes time but it’s worth it.
Dating as a south Asian man is definitely hard mode. Just gotta learn to overcome the bias. It’s kind of like dating as a short man, a lot of short guys give up, but there’s the odd short king who simply kills it. Gotta be a lot better than your competition to excel.
Make more money
Have a better body
Be more funny
Etc etc
Once you swallow this pill, time to get working so you don’t get left behind.
(I’m south Asian)
The thing is there’s so many attractive South Asian men but unfortunately in the West, South Asian men represent (or are stereotyped) a culture that a lot of western women clash with. I feel like that’s a major reason. Whenever I introduced to my friends (even my South asian friends) to my ex they were always asking questions about those stereotypes/cultural aspects
I’m a white woman and I love middle eastern men. They’re the most attractive to me. I know that you are Asian and not middle eastern, but plenty of women of all ethnicities like Asian guys too. Everybody is different with their preferences, it might come down to an issue of culture more than anything. I’ve talked to Indian guys on dating apps and honestly they were definitely saying things that were showing me our cultures wouldn’t align.
Sounds like you rarely meet women period.
Not going to lie to you, being South Asian and in the dating game comes with alot of baggage, the stereotyping, the agenda of seeing south Asian relationships as short term (some people believe all South Asian men will go “back home” and marry someone).
Regardless of all that I think there is a part of our culture that’s internalized a few western centric thinking to our own determinent and that includes self loathing for who we can be. I’ve seen this a lot in South Asian men, both FOBs and ABCDs. There is a middle ground to gain where you need to feel comfortable about being you.
Once you get there, a rejection once in a while won’t effect you, and eventually you will meet someone that appreciates you, but before that you gotta appreciate you.
For meeting more women, honestly have more female friends, not saying you hog them to introduce you to women, but having more female friends allows you to be more comfortable around women outside the lens of just “women who you date” and it can lead to more opportunities where you meet more women.
It’s neither of those things.
It sounds like you’re specifically looking for women of your own ethnicity who are college grads in an area where your ethnicity is not particularly common.
You can have whatever requirements you want for your future partner, but you should be aware of how your requirements will act as limiting factors shrink your potential dating pool.
If your take a pool of candidates, then limit them by ethnicity in an area where your chosen ethnicity is uncommon, then limit it again by an arbitrary (and elitist imo) educational qualifications, you’re going to end up with a pretty tiny list of options. Then add in another limiting factor: the amount of people who are interested in you. Depending on the demographics of your area, you’re going to come up empty more often than not.
You should either reevaluate your limiting factors or join an online dating site for your specific ethnicity and search for partners outside your area.
Arranged marriages have a pretty good success rate, might want to explore that.
You in America? Being Asian in America is harder than being white. Remember, this is a almost 60-75% white. You need to stand out more. Learn to conversation skills. Go out more. Socialize. Try dating foreign women. Move to a city with a bigger Asian population.
South Asian F here. It sounds like you live in an area where there aren’t much desis so yes it could be playing a role. There could be subconscious if not conscious biases.
As for bars/parties, it’s like yea extroverts may have more options but it shouldn’t be a sole dealbreaker alone.
Maybe try meetup or something. And try to see if there are ways you can meet more desis
Yes it is,. As a South Asian man myself, I know the struggle. There’s a lot of people out there with more than a few bullshit views and opinions about people of a certain ethnicity, and why they won’t consider dating them. As far as I’m concerned, there’s a very fine line between preference and thinly veiled bigotry that a lot of people don’t even know is there.
Long answer is irrelevant (especially to your own personal experience). Short answer is yes.
I’m am Asian guy here and to put it in a context where its easier to understand. We need to be making at least 150k+ for us to be seen in the same level of attractiveness as a white male working a minimum wage job with all other factors being equal (personality, hobbies, height, physique etc.)
This is not saying money/resources is the sole motivating factor for women but it is the variable that is easiest to control and could make significant impact on how viable you are.
Maybe work on yourself a bit 1st. I mean that as in join a gym, take karate, join a pool league, and try to do more at work.
If you make improvements for yourself your self confidence can go up and maybe at one of those social gatherings you might meet someone.
If you are successful, feel successful, and get out more maybe you might meet that special someone.
If you aren’t attached to the area you live in then maybe finding a job in another city/state could help. (A pic could help too if you want a visual opinion.)
Ethnicicity shouldnt be an issue to anyone I hope… Culture on the other hand can be an issue if it leads to irreconcilable differences.
I was born in the US on the east coast to a mostly Irish/ Italian decended family. I dated a girl who immigrated from Kenya for a while. Physically we could not have been more different. Im pale, freckled, blue eyed with brown hair and my beard is slightly red. She had intensely dark brown skin and dark brown eyes. I miss her alot and loved her but in the end we had too many cultural differences in our expectations for family and how long it was appropriate to date before marriage.
Spoke 3 languages fluently whereas I only speak one
She wanted to be married with our first kid in 2 years vs I wanting to be engaged only after living together for 2 years if not 3.
She wanted no less than 5 kids, I wanted one of each
Her family in Kenya expected me to pay a dowry to marry her. She thought it was no big deal it was only 50 grand or so (2/3 of my yearly salary)
Edit: She also expected to stay at home and raise our kids full time (Despite making twice my salary and having twice the college degrees), She was even willing to home school them. I wouldn’t be against this per se but I also wouldn’t be dead set against public school the way she was
Even her approach to sex was different. She was incredibly submissive but not in a cute or sexy way. Instead it made me feel like I was actually taking advantage of her and it was upsetting sometimes
Edit: Unfortunately we werent compatable in the end. She expected to play too traditional a role of a woman. I feel like it had nothing to do with ethnicity and instead it was our it was our cultural differences. I just get the feeling that most American men today regardless of race or ethnicity want a wife who will be more independent. It’s like she expected me to dominate her life even down to her choice of coctail at the bar.
I don’t have a preference for ethnicity, but I do for other traits that might be more or less common in one culture or another. But whether in dating or friendship or any other avenue of life, someone’s ethnicity is not a trait I consider important to determining our compatibility. My family is blended. I’m white American (mostly German and English ancestry). We have Haitian Americans, Nigerian Americans, and a third-generation Filipina American in my immediate family. Diversity is beautiful.
Ethnicity is always part of the package. Dating between cultures has many pros and cons. I’ve dated Indian guys and it has been great in the past (I’m white), but my recent experience really turned me off because we had very different dating norms.
Well to start off it’s unlikely you’re an 8, most men sit at like 5, 8 is damn near perfection for a guy. Asian guys do tend to have a rough time, and not going to bars or parties and not drinking is definitely a problem. I don’t know if you’re religious but church is always a good place to start.
I’m a white man and dating a North Indian woman. It’s definitely a challenge learning from each other. We have different culture and upbringing. I say that as long as there is physical attraction and the conversation is stimulating and you can share an activity or two then you’re compatible, at least for a while.
people gonna wanna lie to make themselves feel better but yea it definitely is a factor for some. a lot of American women have a really shitty stereotypical view of brown men. most want to pretend racism is totally dead but as a bw i actually experienced some of the worst racism of my life on dating apps/ irl first dates (not ones made on dating apps lol). i think getting older and trying to date really opened my eyes to how biased or creepy fetishy the world really still is. good luck dude, there’s still plenty of lovely ladies out there who love brown men just gotta work a lil harder to find them!!
I mean, South Asia is diverse, so some people depending on their ancestral community might not have so many problems, yet other communities may struggle more, colourism etc.
Honestly, people have brought up stereotyping and that’s probably part of the equation too. Huge catch-call terms like Indian/South Asian don’t help, especially when some minority folks use these terms themselves and help perpetuate erasure of cultural and other distinctiveness.
In case that is a problem for you, perhaps you may want to be extra sure you are making a distinctive statement about who you are in your profile – defeat the heuristics. (Edit: ah, speed-read and thought this was about apps too!)
According to Shake from love is blind, lol. I’m JK.
I’m Asian and I try not to let my ethnicity affect my dating. I just hope I get seen beyond that. I’ve gone on dates with people of different ethnic backgrounds and never had issues. However I dated people from outside the US and culture can be difficult. For example I don’t eat animals and dating someone from Morocco and Turkey who finds that extremely concept weird to accept.
Yes.
I’m an American of Pacific Islander descent and it comes up A LOT because I get mistaken for a lot of other races/ethnicities and people often express interest in me because they’re looking to date someone of the race/ethnicity they mistook me for. Yes, it is addressed in my profile in more than one place. I even added the Samoan flag in my text to further drive it home. It still happens weekly.
I think that a lot of it is my location. I’m in Texas. There is a Tongan population near me but I still suspect I’d be better off if I could return to the West coast or something. Maybe that’s part of it for you too. Interestingly enough, my area does have a large South Asian population.
I’m a South Asian man and don’t feel like I’m at a disadvantage. There are definitely women who dig brown guys you just gotta find your target audience
I’m African American & no problem at all dating south Asian men.
It appears they want the white women👩🏽🦰
How is not being a college grad a deal breaker? Sounds like you’re really limiting your options there.
I’m a 34M and am an Electrical Controls Engineer, but I dropped out of college in the first semester. Degrees mean nothing in most cases in my opinion. I think you should worry more about the person/personality you’re looking for than looking for qualifications like you’re reviewing a resume.
That’s just my take though and I definitely don’t have it all figured out.
I guess it depends. I’m a 27yo Mètis (but white presenting) female with a college degree.
I’ve dated people of all ethnicities, races, etc. I’ve found when dating Asian individuals that religion and family beliefs have been the biggest barrier, not race or ethnicity.
Social circle. You’re not gonna get girls to warm up to you without that because the default for Indian guy is ‘don’t trust/avoid’
Aside from cultural differences and probably racism, I think it also has to do with how you carry and present yourself. I never dated a south Asian guy either but I would think that guys or women of any culture/ race who are in your shoes would feel the way. I suppose there are people who have a easier time than others when it comes to dating. I never had much luck either with dating in general but I’d suggest to not give up and just keep trying. I remember my mom telling me that if you really want someone you need to pray to god every night to “send you” the right person and eventually someone will come your way . So I don’t know if that would be something you’d want to try due to cultural differences but I’d think trying won’t hurt. I hope you do find someone because I think everyone deserves a chance at finding love, partner, etc.
Brown dude needs to try harder, definitely barrier is there.
One of the main stereotypes of SE Asian men (and Middle Eastern men) is that you all will “play” with women not in your group but will only marry/take seriously women from your own group. And if you DO marry out, it’ll be with white women because of the rampant colorism (and anti-Blackness) in your cultures. Therefore many women won’t even “see” you.
i’ve always thought darker asians were some of the most beautiful people
Ethnicity can be an issue for some. The way one presents themselves and attitude have more to do with initial meetings. Not college grads is a deal breaker. WTF dude? Sounds a bit elitist. Is it possible that you are projecting an attitude?
Where are you looking(online vs night club vs social circles)
And are you like brought up in the west or brought up in South Asia?
I think online would be more difficult since it’s superficial.
Social circles,not as bad.
I feel the same way as a brown guy ( I’m Puerto rican) I currently live in a mostly white city and people say I’m handsome often.but I definitely struggle
Good news is I move to a diverse place soon
The “must be a college grad” thing seems a bit hypocritical. And like you’re limiting yourself. Though everyone has their dating preferences. If you can rule out someone for their level of higher education, they can rule you out for ethnicity. Though I think that it’s more about the assumed values of ethnicity vs the appearance. I’ve dated and talked to Indian men before and the things I thought were cultural characteristics, ended up being accurate in my experiences. I typically presume: family oriented, wants kids, desires typical gender roles in a relationship, vegetarian. You can be fun without drinking but for your age, bars are a huge social circle you’re missing out on. Go out, sip seltzer, dance, and have fun. Might meet women that way. Also if you’re on dating apps, you should show case the things about you that you like. If you have a different value set than someone that is stereotypically south Asian, highlight those points tactfully
Op do you live in a non diverse city?
Have you considered moving to an area where people are more open minded to dating other races? And finding a city that has women of your race or phenotype there?
Man you need tower your standards special if you are 5’1″ not very good looking unless you have tons of money
Do you have status? That really is most important. When I was in a college fraternity I had more sex than ever. Because I was part of an organization you have to be accepted into. The biggest part of being accepted was paying the monetary dues but it still gave my status a lift.
Ethnicity is a part of dating:
https://qz.com/149342/the-uncomfortable-racial-preferences-revealed-by-online-dating/
https://www.gsb.stanford.edu/faculty-research/working-papers/racial-preferences-mate-selection-evidence-speed-dating-experiment
Are you an emotionally sensitive and kind person? Do you treat women with kindness and sensitivity? Do you empathize with their struggles and listen to them and remember what they say? When you go on a date, do you ask them questions in a reciprocal way? If you are getting into conversations with them to begin with, it’s not the way you look. Are you approaching these women and starting a conversation?
I dated a guyanese (indian descent)/filipino guy raised in the US. I’m a white girl. He was super attractive looks wise. The one thing we clashed on was he would not compliment me or validate my feelings even when I asked him to do it more numerous times. Like feel bad for me when I was struggling for example. Instead, he’d tell me how other people had things harder or tell me I should be humble instead of wanting praise. I couldn’t enjoy his self deprecating, humble nature. I wondered if that was an Asian cultural thing. This led to us breaking up as I had a hard time watching my grandmother suffer on her deathbed and he told me he had seen worse things instead of empathizing with me.
Honestly, yes.
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Yes, race does play a big role in online dating. I’ve had men straight up reject me because I’m Black.
according to the scientific studies I’ve seen, yes, it is a very big deal breaker for most women, they just won’t be honest about it because it’s not socially acceptable to do so.
Depends as a poc are you attracted to other people of color? Or are you only looking at vanilla?
All ethnic groups have attractive people but in general attractive people are a rare find….people in general have standards…we all want our desired to be fulfilled…..and let’s be real not many people can fulfill our desires