Hello!
I just recently started university as a freshman in the summer, but haven’t started full time till the fall. I took a gap year beforehand, and this specific person didn’t. We have been close since middle school, and someone who I considered a sister to me growing up.
We did share some contact throughout my gap year/her first year up until December of last year. She was very understanding and shared a lot of how her college experiences has been. Then, she suddenly stopped messaging and I tried reconnecting before the fall semester start. No response unfortunately.
I’ve been conflicted ever sense, and am thankful to have a new group of friends I made during the summer and so far in the fall. It’s hard getting close to them because of being ghosted, but I acknowledge to not use this experience to dictate my new ones.
However, one day during a university event shortly after the first message, I see her again. All of the healing shattered at once. She looked shocked to see me and we didn’t exchange any words. Afterwards, I send her a dm which centers around wishing her well, and hoping that she is feeling mentally better while in university.
It’s been a month, and I didn’t receive any form of communication. I slowly heal again acknowledging that I may never get an answer, but suddenly on Monday I see her again. I was so happy to see her, but then was paralyzed with fear with knowing she didn’t wish to communicate any further. She looked away from me the whole time, and now I’m back at square one of my healing process again.
I wanted to ask with the context in mind, how do I move on? I plan on getting long-term therapy when I have my next psychiatric appointment, but it’s hard when she suddenly appears and has no interest in communication.
I cannot bring myself to be mad and fall for cognitive dissonance, but dealing with the emotions is what hurts, and the lack of a situation.
TLDR: How can I heal from being ghosted if this person reappears in my life, and still desire a reasoning as of why?
3 comments
I think confronting her when you see her would be a good idea. Just be honest like ”hey did I do something wrong?”. It might good and you may realize it’s something completely unrelated to you.. but it will give you peace of mind rather than wonder what is going on. If there is issues, perhaps you guys can work through them. Tell her you miss her and wish you still talked. ❤❤ I mean, I’m speaking as someone who has done this to a friend before.. and it was not related to her, I was going through some rough things and stopped talking to anyone during that time. She understood when we spoke.. sometimes people don’t really see the side of the friend, that they do matter to someone else. It’s complicated. But hang strong!
The thing is, it doesn’t matter WHY she ended the friendship at the end of the day, you just have to accept that she did. There’s a high chance it doesn’t even have much to do with you, because otherwise you would know (maybe she was in love with you, or maybe there was a boy involved, whatever something like that).
You’re not at “square one”, you’re moving along in your healing. You’re confronting that it’s not some sort of mistake and she actually doesn’t wanna talk to you. It will get easier as you keep seeing her. Stop contacting her, ignore her, you don’t want to be friends with someone that treats you like that anyways.
It’s difficult to lose a friend and think about them as a person you used to know and were friends with in the past. But sometimes it happens and if that person doesn’t want to be friends any longer, then you should treat them accordingly. It hurts, but you probably should move on and look for new friends.