Shouldn’t it be seen as a positive that she knows what she likes and how to please others? If she chose everyone else for casual encounters and decided to commit to you, doesn’t that make you special? If she has options on options and chooses you every day?

37 comments

  3. Look up “Madonna/whore complex”.

    This is more likely to be a problem when trying to date younger and less experienced men.

  4. Exchanging body fluids isn’t like shaking hands, it comes with significant risks, most of which are borne by the woman.

    Women *should* be more selective about who they sleep with than men because they have more to lose, especially post roe v. wade.

    It’s not fear, I question the judgement of promiscuous women. (I don’t like men who fuck around either for the record, it’s just *slightly* less stupid for them).

  5. I wasnt when I was single. To me just cause she had a spree in her past doesn’t mean anything to me. But alot of men its cause they are insecure little boys lol

  8. >Shouldn’t it be seen as a positive that she knows what she likes and how to please others?

    Sleeping around doesn’t necessarily mean that either of these are true.

  9. It’s called Herpes and also, women who sleep around too much have low self esteem.

    Not the kind of woman I want to be a mom to my kids.

  10. The term is not afraid, probably more disappointed.

    As for myself, I’ve had only a few relationship and for each I’ve tried to make them work on the long term; eventually it didn’t work out.

    A woman who’s had 10+ or 20+ partners seems unreliable to me. First off, it is proof that we have a deep difference of mindset. Second, nothing proves that she isn’t going to look for more partners when I’m not there (even if we’re together).

    My ex had slept around and I tried building something with her; she was the most toxic human being I’ve been given to meet in my life, and she did sleep with another guy at some point in our relationship.

    So based on that personal experience and my original doubts about women who sleep around, I’m never getting into that shit ever again.

  11. Aren’t men allowed to have personal standards and preferences, too? If we’re making broad generalizations; if all women only want tall men fit men over 6 feet tall and must have a 6 figures salary, should I also not be allowed to have my standard of, her body count needs to be similar to my own?

  12. Marriage satisfaction rates apparently plummet when a woman has had more than a few partners. Divorce is a very costly prospect for many men. Also, there’s the reality that many women will have casual encounters with hot guys for hot sex and then settle down with the stable guy for financial stability. Most guys want the hot sex and would feel justifiably exploited if their partners only wanted them for the financial stability.

  13. If a women have alot of bodycount im gonna pass. Its easier for a women to slep with a guy. Even if your are ugly most men will say yes if they didnt have sex for a long time. In my experience with my ex-girlfriends the girls who have slep around always cheats on me bc they are insecure and like the attention. My girlfriend now only slep with 2 guys before and it was only 2 times. i can trust her and dont have to wory when she goes out even its a party with a bunch of dudes.

  14. >If she chose everyone else for casual encounters and decided to commit to you, doesn’t that make you special? If she has options on options and chooses you every day?

    What at type of patronizing bullshit is this? Wow, thank God that I’m so lucky this woman decided to settle with *me!* Just an average plebian

  15. here is how I look at it:

    it’s a matter of trust, if she doesn’t have the self-respect and self control to keep a lock on her crotch before she is married then how can I trust her to not betray me after we are married?

    It’s why I refuse to have sex with a woman before I am married. If I dont have the self control to keep my dick in my pants before hand than how can she trust me to not betray her?

    That’s my personal philosophy, and it’s not going to change.

  16. If she knows what she likes, why is she searching so hard? And until there’s a ring involved, she hasn’t “chosen” anybody. I could just be the current end of the line until somebody new comes along that she likes better.

    Have you ever heard the phrase “she changes boyfriends like she changes outfits”? After you do it a few dozen times, leaving people becomes easy and that’s the problem. She can leave me just as easily as she left all the other guys. Her loyalty is questionable due to her track record.

  17. >If she chose everyone else for casual encounters and decided to commit to you, doesn’t that make you special?

    Men are the gatekeepers of commitment. What really happened was that the guys she was fucking didn’t want her for a relationship, and she ended up with some shmuck who had to wait and never had a chance to have casual sex with her in the first place. There is nothing special about being thay guy at all, it’s like paying for somebody else’s table at restaurant and only getting to eat their left over scraps after they’re gone

  18. no, its kinda like eating a half eaten apple
    just because other people enjoyed the apple doesn’t mean you’ll enjoy whats left of it

  20. It’s unresolved resentment rather than fear, OP.

    Most men don’t really have the option to sleep around at will and have to work for their relationships. Knowing that they were the ones that had to demonstrate their commitment and vulnerability to reach a stage of physical intimacy, while their partner had a considerably lower standard for that with others, doesn’t feel like a reward. It feels like being used for all the other things that their past flings didn’t have or didn’t want to share.

  21. At some point I think it shows impulsiveness, lack of self control, poor decision making, and lack of self respect or commitment issues. Not saying there is anything wrong with that but if I’m looking for a serious relationship it raises flags that I don’t want in a partner

  22. What who told you that? We love women who sleep around! We just don’t take them serious for a relationship. I’ll never shame a woman for sleeping around. I’m a fan of casual dating and fwb situations. I just won’t make that woman my serious girlfriend or wife.

    Up until about forty years ago we didn’t have paternity tests. There was no way for a man to tell if the child was his or not. The saying “mommas baby and daddies” comes to mind. Well for men our biological imperative is hard wired to reject hoes for long term relations. Men don’t want to raise another man’s child. So if a woman sleeps around a lot there’s she’s going to get pregnant and the father could be anyone.

    Plus throw in the birth control which was approved in the 1970’s I believe in the US. Even though birth control and safe sex exists, biology conquers all. It’s the same way for women still looks for security and resources in a man. The equivalent would be me asking women “Why do you have a fear of dating broke and short men?”. We might be closing in on 2023, but humans are still on hunter and gathering time high key. The equivalent of a man being able to hunt, is the amount of resources he has.

  24. Sometimes men doesn’t wanna be compared with their previous partners. A little insecurity or maybe more problems/arguments in the future. In the end, it’s just a personal preference. Men should be allowed to do that. Women are allowed to do the same.

    Men has to work 10x harder then a women to reach even a single level of physical intimacy. So, a men might feel like he’s just another body count for her. A lot of men don’t feel comfortable with this in long term relationships.

  25. Sex is meaningful to me, I don’t want to be with someone to whom it isn’t meaningful.

  26. >Why are so many men afraid to date women who have slept around?

    You use the word “afraid” to set anyone up as a coward if they disagree with your predetermined view. An intellectually honest question to ask is: **Why do some men not date women who have slept around?**

    Your desire to pre-defeat people you disagree with before they even have a chance to respond indicates a profound insecurity within yourself regarding your existing position.

    This is the “jUsT cUrIoUs” syndrome in action.

    ​

    >Shouldn’t it be seen as a positive that she knows what she likes and how to please others?

    A sexually active person doesn’t necessarily know what they want or how to please others. In fact, their failures in both regards might be why their number of sexual partners is so high.

    ​

    >If she chose everyone else for casual encounters and decided to commit to you, doesn’t that make you special?

    Not necessarily, no.

    ​

    > If she has options on options and chooses you every day?

    … what? This is an incomplete thought.

  27. If she couldnt find anyone that satisfies her all that time and all those partners, probably feels like you might have less chance of keeping her satisfied either. And many partners doesnt automatically make you a good at pleasing anyone

  30. nobody is “afraid” of it, but there is inherently value in scarcity. I want to feel like my partners intimacy is an exclusive experience.

  32. The way you have framed the question and how you reply to a lot of these comments tells me you got an axe to grind. Maybe you are dating someone with a tall body count and are looking to justify it to yourself by being condescending on reddit.

    But here’s my 2 cents just because they have a large body count does not mean even probabilistically that they know how to please their partner. What worked for the last 10 people probably won’t for me. Having a lot of sex and having a lot of of sexual partners is not the same thing.

    The former is fine and not frowned upon at all. One learns about what they like pretty early on and some don’t even need to have sex to know what they are into. At that point having a lot of sexual partners (for both genders) is just about being non-committal, being insecure, craving attention, seeing it as a conquest and/or having a low self esteem. None of which are potential traits I want in someone I want to date long term.

    But in any case for me personally its not about the count itelf. As long as they are not sleeping with other people while we are courting or if they had a hoe phase but its been a long time since or they have had multiple partners but never at the same time its fine by me. It comes down to ideological similarities over any puritanical hangup. If you are in such a situation your feelings whatever they may be, wherever they may be coming from are valid and you don’t need to blindly accept their explanation or let them gaslight you into believing you are insecure.

  33. If you ask why don’t men want a woman who has slept around that’s a question.

    If you ask why are men “afraid” of this… you’re assigning the reason/answer and asking men to defend something you made up. It’s disingenuous bullshit shaming language.

    You can’t have a dialogue this way. Either rephrase the question or retract it.

  34. I think everyone else has mentioned what i can think of…

    But personally, i dont mind as long as she did it when she was single or she had consent.

  35. I think the dirty secret is that men derive a lot of emotional intimacy from sex, whether they can admit it or not. Most guys don’t want to have a realistic idea of their woman sleeping with another guy, past, present, or future, because it threatens the emotional pair bonding. I don’t want to know that another man has had such an intimate moment with my wife, much less dozens of them.

  37. 1. Men aren’t afraid of it.
    2. The more sexual partners a woman has, the less capable she is of pair-bonding. It’s proven in broken relationships, divorces, and otherwise unhappy relationships for the men that date or sex them.

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