I migrated to a foreign country 4 years ago. She was my housemate and my very first friend. While she was single, we hung out often, went to movies, and so on. She was always a bit flaky, but it did not bother me much in the beginning because we lived together. We continued to be friends even after she moved out. Gradually, she started to cancel plans more frequently. She would call to make plans. On the day of the meeting, she cancels, apologizes, and the cycle repeats. Her excuses were “something came up or I double booked with someone” and she would cancel mine to meet with someone else. When we do meet, she is always in a hurry because she has other plans. The time I was hurt the most was when she invited my best friend and I(we both live in a foreign country) for Christmas to have dinner with her family and she cancelled that too to go on vacation with her boyfriend. This was too much for me, so I stopped contacting her and told her she hurt both of us.
A few months later, she contacted me, telling me she was looking for a room to rent. I live in a 6-bedroom house, which is very close to her university, and there was an empty room. My landlord agreed to rent her the room. After a few months, she moved out all of a sudden without even saying goodbye. I was already aware that she was planning to move out, but I waited for her to let me know. The day before she moved out, she asked me if I wanted to have dinner with her, and I figured she was going to tell me then, but like always, she canceled. The next day, she’s gone with her boyfriend. After a week, she apologized, saying she had to move out all of a sudden, but I knew it wasn’t the truth.
I never contact her anymore because I’m tired of being disappointed. Every now and then, she contacts me. She usually gets me very excited by saying, “Let’s go on a hike!” or “Let’s watch this movie,” but I know that’ll never happen. She contacted me again asking me to hangout, but I don’t even feel like responding back after what happened last time. We were supposed to go out to watch a movie, which I was very excited about and planned weeks in advance, but she cancelled because she went to a party and got drunk.
I feel like it’s not even worth letting her know, nor do I want to just ghost her because we’ve known each other for so many years.
TL;Dr: My friend always cancels plans, uses me as a backup and doesn’t even treat me like a friend. Not sure how to end the friendship and whether I should let her know what I feel.
4 comments
I mean you don’t have to do anything, the friendship is already over. Next time she wants to make plans, just say you’re busy. It’s no use telling her how you feel, she already knows or could know and you would just be causing drama for yourself.
You could try flat out telling her the next time she asks “no I don’t want to hang out, because you’ll make plans then cancel them, or rush them and go somewhere else. It happens over and over and over again. I’m honestly not sure why you even bother making the plans in the first place. I’d like to see you, I’d like to spend time with you, but you’re not acting like someone who wants to spend time with me. So if you can guarantee to actually follow through on a real plan, great, let’s do that. But if you make plans then cancel on me, I’m not going to make plans with you again, because what’s the point?”
She’s not a friend. She’s disrespectful of you and your time. There’s no point in telling her off on anything unless it’s to make you feel better.
I would not respond to her anymore, other than to say “no thanks”. If she asks why, you don’t have to say anything other than “I’m busy”.
However, if you do want to give her an explanation, you can always tell her that she has repeatedly cancelled on you when you’ve committed time for you, and that you feel disrespected.
This person is not a good friend, I wouldn’t make individual plans with her. If you don’t want to cut her off completely feel free to invite her to group things where it won’t matter if she shows or not.